Still cannot drum up any feelings for DH's kid
And what is worse, I'm beginning to feel the same way about DH.
She turns 18 in September and will be in her senior year in HS. DH recently agreed to let her use part of her inheritance to buy a car so she is able to get to and from work. He also used it to pay for her insurance for 6 months and registration and tags for the car. This was all his idea and not her idea, as she wasn't expecting to use this money until she was 21.
I only bring this up because this new found independence (employment and car) has become a point of contention between her and Uberskank. Uberskank was using her car to manipulate DH's kid and now she has lost the final carrot in her arsenal to dangle over her head. Uberskank also has a problem with the skid's new job because she's lost her free babysitter. To add insult to injury, CS will begin to go directly to DH's kid in October. Uberskank will be forced to make arrangements with her child to get CS (which is reasonable as long as she is living under her roof).
DH's kid has changed in the last year or so. I've seen the turn around in her behavior and her actions. Her relationship with DH is better and stronger. For the first time since I've known her she is giving her honest opinions about Uberskank (while Shaman and DH are keeping their mouths shut shut shut), where before Uberskank could have eaten puppies in front of her and that would have been A-Okay with DH's kid. She is also commenting on her unreasonable and irrational behavior, again where before it was excused, overlooked or justified.
Yet I still cannot find it in me to trust this person. She tries to reach out to me and I am unable to meet her halfway. I do not want anything to do with her. I can see the changes, but I do not trust her. I've trusted her in the past, only to be shown that she can be as manipulative, cruel and unfeeling as her mother.
DH is thrilled with her and the changes, as though she has become his ally. I have kept my mouth shut about my feelings but it's getting more and more difficult simply because I am getting very tired of every, single, fricking conversation revolving around his kid or Uberskank. We went so long with the two of them not being a constant topic of conversation and it's like we're back to square one. To the point where I am find I'm distancing myself from DH and not engaging him in conversation because it seem to turn right back around to his kid or his ex.
So here I sit, almost 6 years into the SM thing (7 with DH) and I am still pondering if it's truly worth what I've suffered for so many years.
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Comments
She's for all practical
She's for all practical purposes an adult. Who has "feelings" for most of the adults we know in life?
You don't trust her because she has not proven herself to be trustworthy. All you need to be is polite and civil.
At 18 she is an adult. She
At 18 she is an adult. She has been adult in her mind since she was at least 14. Kids know right from wrong.
According to Uberskank she's
According to Uberskank she's been an adult since she was 12.
Her counselor called Uberskank the Grand Manipulator.
The counselor testified at the last hearing, telling the judge that DH's kid manipulated the situation in our home to her advantage. Admitting she told the counselor she tried to get rid of me and wanted DH and I to divorce. She ran away from home to force everyone's hand.
Oh, I only hope that my DH
Oh, I only hope that my DH will finally see this with SD15! Some days there is hope... others?? meh
Yesterday was a "hope" day... DH actually said (exact words) "That little bitch better plan on working now that school is out because she is going to owe me a bunch of money here in the next week or so" I actually had to ask him who he was talking about... it was SD. lol But sometimes I think he talks a big talk with me and then caves into her.
Although in your case it didn't happen over night did it? SDs only been with us for 2 months, so I guess I need to sit back and let the train wreck itself, the waiting sucks though!!!
The was the DH treats you is
The was the DH treats you is directly related to how he respects you and gets the skids to respect you.
If he mistreats you the skids will pick on it and mistreat you
As time gos by anything you feel for for DH is slowly destroyed
I have given skid & his older
I have given skid & his older brother chances, forgiven them, accepted their apologies ONLY to be proved wrong each time. Old bro is not allowed in my home ever. DH understand this. He screwed up, his fault. BM screwed up, her fault. Skid screws up, his fault. They have only themselves to blame for being pushed out. It was my duty to accept each apology & give it another go. But you reach a limit where you realize crocodile tears, empty promises & fake apologies do not mean a thing but only makes you the chump.
18 is the cut off date. So there's getting a job on his own & if not, there is a cozy dry spot under the bridge he can find.
These kids have to live a little of life. See what real life is. Maybe THEY can find the empathy to put themselves in our shoes one day when they are mature & free from games, PAS & controlled chaos from BM.
Until you hear it in their voices & truly have the gut feeling to treat them as trustworthy, treat them the way you would treat a good friend that betrayed you. As if you could care less.
This is how I feel about
This is how I feel about SD15. She has done multiple things to disrespect me over the past 3 years. DH thinks that I should be the "adult" and let these things go and continue to try and build a relationship with her. I don't feel that way. I feel that she is not going to change, she is set in her ways, she is not going to stop lying, stealing, manipulating etc. simply because she is living under our roof, no more than she is going to stop being a nasty, filthy pig simply because she is living under our roof. 15 years is a long time...she's been with us for 2 months... the crap is ingrained in her. I guess DH still has hope...
I pinned a quote on Pinterest that is spot on how I feel about SD... "giving some people a second chance is like giving them another bullet because they missed you the first time" I just can't let my guard down with her, I'd rather keep a distance and keep my guard up than be let down yet again by her bad behavior.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This!!!!!!
You can forgive, don't be stupid and forget!!!! A little shit, will almost always be a little shit.
^^Me too! I just scared the
^^Me too! I just scared the dog bursting out laughing.
>DH is thrilled with her and
>DH is thrilled with her and the changes, as though she has become his ally.<
GAAAAAAAARGHH!
Shaman, I really REALLY feel for you on this. I think my DW would love nothing more than if SS becomes her ally in her constant war against Donkeykong. Frack me, almost every conversation boils down to "SS is gonna see what Donkeykong is like and he is going to wanna come live with us full time. Should we have to go back to court bla bla bla"
Somehow I think this longing is blinding her from that other nagging responsibility she has
....urm....What was it now?
Oh yeah! Being a PARENT!