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I'm miserable

porcelian-doll's picture

When I found out I was two months pregnant it was a surprise we were trying and I thought it would take a while. I took a test because I missed my period and found out I was pregnant. I didn't have any major symptoms I felt normal. Now I'm four months my tummy feels bloated. I have bad gas. I feel like i'm always craving something and stuffing my mouth. I'm constantly yawning and I feel like I never get enough sleep. Since I'm being honest I have to admit that i'm not happy being pregnant. I'm excited and filled with dread at the same time. I wake up at night and barf my brains out then cry myself to sleep. I want a boy and the thought of it could be a girl depresses me. SD makes the thought of having a daughter the worst possible thing. I should be happy so why am I miserable?

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Starla's picture

Its very common feeling miserable during pregnancy and dealing with so many changes your body is going through. The good news should you have a girl, she won't be your SD nor behave like her. She would be a little "you" running around Smile

(((Hugs))) and hang in there Wink

BSgoinon's picture

Its just hormones sweetie. You are not alone in feeling this way. A lot of women don't have that "glowing" feeling when they are pregnant. Your body is doing crazy things, it is uncomfortable, you are going through some crazy things inside of you. It is going to take a toll on you physically, mentally and emotionally.

Now, as far as not wanting a girl because of SD. Well... I hope you have a boy, because that is what you desire HOWEVER... if it is a girl, think of it as your opportunity to raise a GOOD ONE. Not all girls are like SD. She is a product of her mother. You will certainly be a better mother than THAT!!! BM has raised SD to be rude, selfish, prejudice and flat out BAD. You would never do that. I am sure a daughter from YOU would be a little blessing!!

B22S22's picture

From my own experiences: you will be happy having a child, whether boy or girl. Do NOT let the behavior of your SD turn you off from having a girl...

As far as all of the "pregnancy symptoms" -- I don't think I know any woman who has absolutely GLOWED thru pregnancy without any problems. I think I started the nausea/vomiting thing within 8 weeks of getting pregnant and it didn't stop until after childbirth. On my last OB visit prior to delivery, I weighed 30lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight. Two years later, I was pregnant with my second child and just as sick even though I swore to myself during my first pregnancy I'd NEVER put my body thru that again.

Seeing that little baby, whether boy or girl, for the first time very quickly makes you forget about everything else.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I lost 3 pounds vomiting. I also once vomited on DH's manbits when we were, uh, playing around. Ten he started gagging so for like five minutes it was just a cacophony of "OH GOD BLAARRRGHHH" "AUUUGGHHH BLEHHHHHHH" between the two of us. Killed the mood instantly.

I also have it in my blog (not here) reminding myself to never, ever, ever do this again. I hope I can remember it when it urge strikes (which everyone says it will.)

B22S22's picture

I'll never forget the time I was in the bathroom hurling like crazy (when I was pregnant with #2) and I heard my daughter yell to my DH, "Daddy! Mommy's in the bathroom going UUUGGGHHHHH UUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

LOL. And I hate it when I'm hurling and DH keeps asking "What's wrong?"

DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN ANSWER RIGHT NOW?!?

newbiestepmom25's picture

Honey it gets better. During my pregnancy I would cry over anything like the shower taking to long to get warm. Honestly I wanted a girl but now looking at my BS in his playpen I could never happier. When the doctor put him in my arms everything else melted away and I feel in love ((hugs)) just wait until that baby kicks for the first time Smile

jojo68's picture

Hang in there...it will get better and I totally understand your feelings about your thoughts on having a girl. Although I am not pregnant...I find myself being very negative about little girls in general since my experiences with a child like SD13. I see a little girl out in public who is being annoying or loud and it makes me angry. That is a terrible feeling and I used to not be that way...maybe it is age and maybe it is the way SD13 treats me.

I think that you will be fine with a boy or girl...don't let someone else dictate your happiness.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Take it easy on yourself. I'm 33 weeks with our first.

I had dreaded a girl as well, not because I didn't want one but because everyone around us (mostly men as most of our friends are guys but also his relatives because all of them had boys) kept saying how DH should hope for a boy, and how he will do all the boy things with him, and it got to a point where I had such bad anxiety about having a girl because they made it seem like a girl is somehow less than a boy (and because I grew up in a culture that promotes that--although my parents never did that, some of our relatives, and my own paternal grandmother made me feel that way) and that DH will love it less if it turned out to be a girl.

Well, turns out we're having a girl. I thought I was going to cry when they told us, but when we left the doctor's, DH's face slowly split into a grin and he said, happy as a bird, "We're having a little girl." Later, he confided he is happier she's a girl and not a boy, because he knows he'd butt heads with a boy, and how he is still going to teach her things like shooting and fishing and martial arts.

I realized then that gender does not dictate how a person is going to turn out, and if you think about it, the only similarity between your SD and the baby inside you is that they could possibly have the same gender and have the same father. That's it. Everything else is unique and a blank slate. I have a sister and we're as different as night and day.

I actually really dislike being pregnant too. Some people, when they're pregnant, feel maternal, powerful, like a feminine god of creation and all that is mommyhood. To those I say, "Wonderful, congratulations. I myself am not partial to cottage cheese thighs and veiny legs and boobs but if you are one of the lucky few who either don't get them, or enjoy them, please, by all means continue to feel amazing while I try to find a rock big enough to crawl under and hide." Not to mention the embarrassing gas, throwing up on the side of the road, swelling, nosebleeds, getting kicked in the bladder so you pee yourself, a foot stuck in the ribs, hair growing out of control in places where hair has no business being, and your pubic bone separating one day so bad that walking hurts like you've broken a bone down there. Every day it just seems like some new and terrifying symptom rears its ugly head,

The unsolicited advice on how to be a parent, what I need and what I don't need, being told what to eat and do, how much is too much exercise, everyone else seems to want to control your every move, all on top of trying to figure out a game plan for this person you've never met but are supposed to love, even if you don't currently feel maternal towards it.

The closer I get to my due date, the more I dream of getting my old body back--the lithe, young, 24, athletic, toned little thing--and the nightmarish idea that I may never physically be the same ever again, but everyone says it's worth it, so I guess I have to trust their judgement?

I'm still not completely convinced everything is going to be okay, but I'm taking it slowly, one day at a time, even as I am waddling painfully around the house like an obese pigeon (toes have to be pointed inward, can't bend the knees, to be able to walk with only 25% of the pain).

I think what makes everything better is seeing how excited DH is, and how it has brought us much closer together (if that was even possible), and how we may both be scared but we know as long as we're here together, it will be okay.

Have you talked to your DH about your feelings? I do it often and he tries to be very understanding, including about the gender issues.