Rewarding a sub pair performance.
BM is all about it. Last night DH was out raged with ss8 and the effort he gave at football practice.
A few months ago ss8 begged BM and DH to join football. They both tried to talk him out of it but he was set on doing it so DH made him a deal, if he starts it then he has to finish it. It's only 7 weeks. So we paid the money and got the gear now on week 4 ss8 tried to get out of practice last night because he bruised his leg Sunday. It was Bm's week so she called DH and gave him some sob story about it bothering him so DH told her to take him to the doctor, she said it wasn't that bad so DH said the. He can go to practice. I go to every practice mainly to make sure they show up. But I was glad DH made it too.
BM told ss8 that if he tried they could leave at the first break so at fist break ss8 starts to leave and DH sends him back out onto the field. He did just awful, he wouldn't do any of the drills or stand in the huddle. Then he wonders why no one on his team wants to work with him in pairs because he doesn't try. Oh man DH was mad at him. And as DH is lecturing him about not trying BM announces that they are going for ice cream because he earned it! DH flat out told her that he didn't earn any ice cream.
DH did however make him a deal. If he goes to every practice and game for the rest of the season and participates, giving it an honest try we will buy him a 3DS XL. Just like the one BM promised him for his birthday but never delivered. I am not worried though because I know he won't do it. We offer it to him once before if he learned to tie his shoes and that didn't happen. I am half temped to buy one and show up with it at Thursdays Practice but not give it to him until the end of the season IF he improves.
Also he is NOT signing up for this next year.
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Comments
I'm a veteran football mom.
I'm a veteran football mom. Football is hard and I agree BM is letting him off WAY too easily. The great thing about football and the reason I wanted my boys to do it is because it is the hardest physical sport to play at the youth level. It takes commitment not only from the kids but the families. You learn so much about effort and hard work and often the reward is confidence and work ethic. I've seen a lot of parents who do what you guys have offered, 'If you work hard this season, we will buy you x thing. I'm not 100% sure it's the best way to go about it. But I've seen it work sometimes.
I have also gone the wrong way too in the past with my first son and said 'If you don't try at practice, you'll come home and run laps.' That's not really the right way either. I regret that.
The kid has to learn to WANT it. You'll notice there are kids on the team who always put their best out there. Even if they are not good. But the kids that want it strive very hard to approve. It's a good sign that he had the interest before football season. However, if he's not into it, don't buy him the 3DSXL and do not sign him up next year and make him finish the season. The first month or two is very hard for a newbie and he's probably playing with kids that have played for a while together. *We start at age 5 here*. Confidence is key in football but icecream for not finishing practice is unacceptable. Typical BM behavior.
IF he's hurt or 'bruised'. HE still goes to practice and sits on the sidelines and watches.
I know bribing him is wrong
I know bribing him is wrong too but we just get so fed up with him. It's not the first thing that he has tried and then quit. I think he wanted to do it at first because his friend were but honestly that was a mistake because now his friend are getting annoyed with him not trying.
I heard one kid tell him mom that SS8 wasn't trying and if he signs up next year he wants to be on a different team. Sadly the mother he was talking to is supposedly friends with BM.
With the 'injury' that is what we told BM at the very least he should show up and support his teammates and watch then practice so he don't get behind. If he misses so many practices then he can't play in the games.
You're doing all the right
You're doing all the right things!
Thank you - next year I think
Thank you - next year I think I am going to suggest he try something a long the lines of 4H, Boy Scouts or some other social group. He is more into talking and hanging out than he is into sports.
OMG Dejavu! The BM signed up
OMG Dejavu! The BM signed up oldest SS for football back in the early years. Oldest SS basically phoned it in (like he did with all the thousands of other extra curricular activities that the BM was constantly signing him and the other two up for--without Guilty Daddy's--aka GD's knowledge of course).
Well it just so happens that the BM's school district (that she too, personally attended as a child) is a "everyone gets a trophy" type school district so of course they have HORRIBLE teams that constantly lose. Toward week 5, Oldest SS decided he didn't want to be in football anymore so he faked a shoulder injury to get pulled out of the game. We took him to the ER and he got a fancy xray, of course I paid for the BM's share of the copay down the road but that's another story.
I literally saw:
1. oldest SS do HIGH KICKS like a Radio City Rockette at the OTHER END OF THE SOCCER FIELD while his team was at the opposite end of the field DURING A GAME--I call it "showboating" You'd think GD and the BM would be embarrassed--NOPE!
2. oldest SS turn PURPLE with rage and SCREAM at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS in a giant gymnasium during an tri county wrestling match "I HATE YOU!!!" to GD when trying to give oldest SS "pointers." It was very interesting since oldest SS is white as a ghost, with flaming brick red hair and the school colours are ORANGE, yet he turned literally PURPLE with rage due to the, up to that point, 4 year PAS campaign by BM and her clan.
3. BM enroll SD into football (she's stopped now) and have her as the captain of the 3-6th grade FOOTBALL team, although SD is not particularly skilled, talented in football, nor is she the slightest bit athletic--just HUGE for her age, which the BM and GD define as "athletic." This was all for "show" and a "look at me" moment for the BM to have the "only girl in football" (TM). I can see this from grade 3 to maybe 5 if the girl is particularly talented, but SD is NOT!!!!
4. Youngest SS's COMPLETE inability to catch even the slowest, softest lobbed baseball to him at, at the time, almost seven. GD fancied his kids as major league athletes (roll eyes here) yet it was almost comical to see the hopeful GD stand about five feet away from youngest SS and softly underhand toss him the ball, only to have youngest SS contort himself in fear and close his eyes, let the ball roll between his legs and then attempt to field it from the ground. . .over and over and over and over and over again (probably out of 40 attempts he didn't catch the ball ONCE) I had to walk away!!
My DS had a thing with not
My DS had a thing with not wanting to learn to tie shoes. I bought him pink sparkly sneakers n regular sneakers. He learned how to tie the shoes or he wore the pink ones to school Mon. 1 hour later he had it down pat.
SS10 is too lazy to tie his
SS10 is too lazy to tie his sneakers and BM has always bought him Velcro sneakers. This year BM insisted on tie sneakers, when I asked her why she told me that "SS10 HAS TO LEARN TO TIE HIS SHOES SOMETIME" Hmmm, what's the rush? First day of school pics, BM tied SS10's sneakers, how do I know? She ties them in double knots so they don't come undone so SS10 gets embarrassed that he can't tie his sneakers at school in front of other kids who have been tying their own since 5 years old. }:)
I'm pretty sure that PASed
I'm pretty sure that PASed out for almost four years now SS is in the same boat as well. He was almost seven just before he PASed out and he WOULD NOT attempt to tie his own shoes either. Just stuck his foot out to be tied or thrust his chest out to be zipped/buttoned. The BM also bought velcro sneakers for him of course which he was too lazy to put on fully and just walked around on the back of the heels.
Where do you even find velco
Where do you even find velco sneakers for kids that big???? I just bought bs4 a few new pairs of shoes because he had a mega growth spurt (1.5 sizes like over night) and I struggled to find velco shoes in size 11.
We've begun tying lesson so the next time I have to buy shoes I do t have to run all over town looking for velco shoes.
Last year we bought ghielie
Last year we bought ghielie tied (like the laces are there and are elastic so they stay on) shoes that had a Velcro strap at the top of the collar of the sneaker. SS picked them out, figures, that boy finds all the stuff to make his lazy life easier! I think he only wears a 3 in shoes. SS10 is the size of your average 8 yr old.
Hell, you can get adult sized
Hell, you can get adult sized velcros!! I"m sure that's what oldest SS (stb 17) wears. And all three are HUGE for their ages.
The selection of Velcro shoes
The selection of Velcro shoes is very limited. Not that they seem to care yet.
We still have to get new school shoes - thinking about just going to Walmart or Payless. Because both skids are so hard on shoes. They are so lazy, even with the Velcro ones they just slip them off and on without I strapping them. U told both ss8 and ss6 if I see them kicking off or slipping on their new shoes they are grounded no questions asked. So sick of them wrecking their shoes. They also both shuffle their feet too
I may not 'ground' them per say but a time out or loss of game or tv time might be in order. .
It is so difficult to get
It is so difficult to get these skids to understand commitment and responsibility. Team sports help them get these concepts, unless there is a parent that gives them those pesky excuses.
DH will not pay for the skids to play sports any longer. BM will get the skids excited about a sport, will hound DH to pay for it because she "has no money", after the first practice the skids learn that they are not all star players and will not play the whole game, so skids don't want to continue. BM allows them to quit. Thanks again MOTY for not teaching your child that when you sign up for a team sport it is a commitment and that the skids will play the entire time period signed up for.
Day two of school this year and DH got a text stating that SS13 wants to get into X sport. DH didn't respond. DH is not going to pay for a sport and all the equipment for SS13 to get tired of in a month.
BM would buy it if she could
BM would buy it if she could afford it. She told him he would get one for his bday in May and he was super excited about it but right before his bday BM tried to get us to go in on something with her, complaining that everything he wants is so expensive (she hasn't taught him the value of a dollar) we had however already gotten him something. His bday came and went with no DS. She told him she ordered it online so for about a month every time we dropped him off at her house he asked if it came yet and of course it never did. So now she has told him he will get one for Xmas.
That is why I kind of want to get it and show him that I have it in my possession should he complete his task. If nothing else to show him that we aren't lying. There will be no excuses when the season ends he will either get it handed to him right away or it will get put away until Christmas or we try to bride him with something else.