How his family treats my BIO.
For two summer's now I have been quietly observing how my husband's family treats my BIO. I understand that they will never feel the same towards my daughter but I wish it wasn't so obvious.
I have a daughter (6), my husband has a daughter 
and we have a daughter together. My SD only visits over summer time. I really need advice. All year round my husbands family never ask for my BIO to come over, spend the night, bake cookies, etc. As soon as my SD gets here they want her to spend the night all the time. That doesn't bother me because they wait all year to see her as well. What does bother me is that they only call when my BIO is with her father for the weekend. I have been observing this for the last two summers. My phone will ring from SD grandma/uncle/aunt and it always the same conversation, " is BIO with her dad this weekend, Oh, can SD spend the night?" They have never called when I've had all the girls. My SD came home from spending the night at her grandmas and she blurted out "papa says he loves me more than M (my daughter)". I was so so hurt. Luckily, my BIO wasn't around to hear that. Every time SD comes back from a over night visit she has a new gift of some sort. My bio is realizing what is going on and has asked me 1. Why don't I ever get to spend the night at Grandmas and 2. Why doesn't grandma get me things?. It breaks my heart and I don't have the answers for my daughter. My husband is bothered by it too and he just doesn't like to start crap unless its just with me. If my family did this to his daughter I would never hear the end of it. Last time we were all out my husbands family's house, my daughter asked Grandma why she doesn't ever get her things. The only thing that woman said to her is "you don't ask me". My BIO is never over there to ask. I come from a family that if they do one thing for one grand daughter they do the same for the other. My family treats my SD as they do my daughter. My daughter is not a nuisance child. She is a big help, sweet, calm and listens well. My SD is hard to handle and you have to repeat yourself 7 times before she gets it. The reason why my daughter is never invited cant be because she is rotten. I have built up my resentment towards his family because of this. Next summer will be number 3 and I know things wont change but do hope. Do I just turn my head and look away? I really wish I could get inside their minds and see what they think. Let me mention that my husband is from a previous marriage as well so you think that they would understand the need for my daughter to be accepted.
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You can't force something
You can't force something that's not there. And I say that because I too had stepgrandparents. Our relationships were that we showed each other basic politeness. They never called to see me or ask how I was. We were nice when we saw each other. We always got each other small holiday gifts. But that was the extent of it. And to be honest, I was fine with it. I was close to my bio grandparents. Does DD have any bio-grandparents nearby she could spend time with?
You got it right with remove
You got it right with remove myself from his family. Unfortunately, I have taken a huge step back from his family bc of many things that they have personally said to me in the past that are just plain rude. I know that they do not like me because at one point I did speak up and say something and realized quickly that they can speak their mind but if I do to them then I'm just a b. I don't think it wise for me to say anything to them on this topic. My hubs can though but he doesn't! My SD telling me that her papa loves her more came out of her mouth while I was cooking dinner. I just told her that's nice and quickly changed the conversation. I'm sure it was just a fun little conversation they were having but it was still repeated. When I told my hubs he said that his father would never say anything like that. I never went any further with it. I was just putting my one year old out there because I wonder if this is going to be a issue as she gets older as well. She is their Bio granddaughter so I will just have to wait and see as time goes on. I do have to say my hubs family has 8 granddaughters including my BIO. Three of the grand babies are my 1 yr olds age and they definitely have the other babies over all the time. I see it on FB all the time. But like I said I have distanced myself so this is probably my fault and that's ok. My family is wonderful with my BIO's and SD. But there is a difference bc they do not really know my SD bc she is gone almost all year. My oldest BIO spends tons of time with my parents throughout the year and it dies down come summer bc my SD is here and we get too busy. It would be nice if my BIO could go to my family's alone sometimes without SD but my husband will not let her bc once again he thinks it should be all fair. It's never going to be. I ask myself often when my bio is older and has friends wanting sleepovers over summertime am I going to have to say "only if my SD is invited". It's just so all tricky to deal with and to not hurt anyone's feelings. Bottom line is that its my husband who doesn't think it's ok for my BIO to have one on one time with me, my family or her friends. But yet it's suppose to be okay for his daughter too. It's all so weird.
This stuff is tricky. And I
This stuff is tricky. And I can see the perspective from all sides (being a SK growing up, being a SM now etc.
I grew up as a SK where I was not treated the same by Step-grandparents as my Step-siblings. At my age growing up, did it create animosity?...Yes. This was particularly evident at Christmas time with the gifts that were given and the amount of gifts given. As an adult, I've let it go but it affected me as a child.
I understand that that Bio-grandchildren, in a way, get special perks. But it is hard for a child, namely your child, to understand that.
It's hard for me to offer any advice or ways to assist without knowing how your parents treat your child and your SK or how involved they are in your life.
Sorry to hear that your
Sorry to hear that your feeling bad for your daughter, but I do think thats just how things are going to be, so dont sugar coat it for her or for yourself, its just how they are and you can't make them treat your daughter any different.
I don't think OP's bio's
I don't think OP's bio's paternal family has anything to do with it. I wouldn't expect my first DH's parents to acknowledge my steps. I do, however, expect MY family to.
My bio isn't perfect by any
My bio isn't perfect by any means. She can have that wonderful little attitude that is developing pop out. Most of the time over summer the girls will go to neighbors houses to play. Every single time my SD gets sent home early because of her behavior. I finally made them both stop playing with the neighbors so my SD wouldn't feel bad. I'm not being biased. It's just hard on everyone to adjust to the SD when she is being raised by her mothers ways all year. My hubs and I are both prepared come summer that some fine tuning is needed when she gets off the plane. Thanks for making me think outside the box though.
"Why would the conversation
"Why would the conversation of who loves who more even come up??" because she is a 6 year old little girl.
Let me set the scene, Poppy is tickling little girl playing with her and she throw's her head back in her sweetest little voice and says: Poppy do you love me more then MomMom, Poppy looks at Mommom and giggles "of course honey", More then Daddy, "yep", more then this more then that, more then Stepsisster? It was a harmless statement made by a 6 year old child.
I personally think your DH parents have made a stretch, they wait until your daughter is otherwise occupied before they call and ask for SD. Very considerate. Second they have limited time with their grandchild as stated by OP.
I have found that if people are open and honest in a kind way people tend to be alittle more sensative. Have you schedule or discussed an over night at the grandparents house with both the girls?
Look my parents do for my steps, but they never get equal amounts as my children. My parents are very discreet about it as are my children. But I often wonder since the steps have the appearance of being on the same playing field, how much resistance and bullshit I will tolerate when the WILL is read some day down the road. Because the steps are not included. So the question is is it better to let them think they are on an even playing field as to not hurt anyones feelings, then later on reality hits. I dont know the answer....
Thanks y'all for making me
Thanks y'all for making me realize to appreciate the fact that they do call knowing BIO is away for the weekend. Come next summer, it will be time for a simple explanation to my BIO. I have a husband who believes that both kids should be treated equally but I know that is just not possible. Things can not be the same for both children because they are two different people with two different needs. I think that if my SD was a every other weekend child instead of only visiting over summer then it would go more smoothly for all involved. Reading all this does make me feel better.