So hurt and betrayed
I was out of town about a month ago shooting a wedding. I wake up the next morning to 10 missed calls, 8 text messages saying Hullabaloo answer your phone, I need you. I need you now. Obviously, FDH got a little drunk and started missing me.
Fast forward a month, I check his phone to see what viciousness psycho bitch has been spewing at him lately and this is what I see
psycho: I've had enough. You need to talk to Hullabaloo or I promise you on our daughters life that I will talk to her about all that stuff. I'm not trying to control you or get you back or whatever. I can't stand this being on my shoulders. It's not fair at all . I can't live with this lie but you're the one getting married to her and need to come clean with her. If you really want to marry her go for it but I don't want this on my shoulders anymore.
FDH: Jesus I will talk to her. I went out with some friends drank too much and said things I wouldn't say otherwise. Why are you making a big deal about it. Are you scared I'm getting married? You never wanted me before so why do u care now
Psycho: I'm sorry you're upset with me. I'm sorry I can make your life difficult at times. You have been my best friend for years and its really hard seeing you marry that woman. I wish you wouldn't have felt pressured into asking her to marry you and gave it some more time. I wish you never said any of that stuff to me. I have loved you for so long but I know I can't have you back and have the family I want with you. You're getting married and I'm having some faggots baby. But you said those things to me and I know you meant them. Wether you're trying to hide all of that now is on you. I don't like the feeling I get of having to hide those emotions and I know it will be hell on you for years. But if you didn't mean any of it that's fine to. Guess it was just the alcohol. I know with you getting married is going to cause us to lose a lot. She will have so much more control over you and she wants a baby as soon as u get married. I just want u to be sure. If I lose you then that's fine. I get to live with that Have a good night.
I literally felt the blood leave my hands and feet. My heart physically hurt. I confronted him, he said he was drunk and depressed. He loves me and wants to marry me. She tried to blackmail him into paying more money otherwise she would tell me about this. He said he knows it was wrong, he fucked up and he is really sorry. I told him the extraneous texts between the two of them that does not pertain to SD stops now! Her complains about her and her intrusiveness into our lives, but he invites her in and encourages it, but never like this before. He said now she is just trying too sabotage our wedding by getting one of us to call it off. Wedding is in 2 weeks, he said he got drunk started thinking about it, got nervous because of what happened the first time, as soon as they got married she changed and things went downhill from there. He struggles with depression ever since the divorce, it breaks his heart that his daughter has to grow up in a broken home and her sees her acting more and more like her mom.
I don't know what he texted her, he deleted the texts the next morning and claims to not remember what he texted her. I have an overwhelming need to see those texts.
I told him we would talk about it and then move past it, I won't use it against him and I won't bring it up again. But I'm feeling so hurt and betrayed, and my trust in him has been broken.
Anybody have any insight?
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Comments
Do you realize you used your
Do you realize you used your real names in that post?
Omg! Thank you! I'll edit.
Omg! Thank you! I'll edit.
You're welcome! I've done
You're welcome! I've done that before when upset. Luckily caught it before I posted.
I didn't used to go through
I didn't used to go through his phone, but more and more he was becoming overly protective of the screen when he was texting so I couldn't see anything, like putting his hand over the screen and turning away from me. Like super obvious he was hiding it from me. So I started to get suspicious, he said he was glad I found the meshes because it has been hanging over his head ever since, but just couldn't find the right way to bring it up.
Really? I had no idea. Not
Really? I had no idea. Not that I need to do this but good to know.
I'm so glad I didn't know
I'm so glad I didn't know about that when DH was having an emotional affair. Because if I had read those messages I probably would have just left him instead of giving him a chance to fix it. Assuming he trashed me to her is a lot easier to deal with than knowing it. I've been very clear though that if it ever happens again. I am gone.
There are two huge red flags
There are two huge red flags here. He isn't over BM and he felt pressured to marry you.
Those texts reveals his true feelings. He's in CYA mode right now. He's just saying what he thinks you want to hear.
^^^This^^^ OP deleted the
^^^This^^^
OP deleted the post that said he slept with BM and asking if she can handle that. I'm about 90% sure he did, too.
Even worse, the booze made him comfortable enough to speak freely with BM. Why does OP want to marry a man who is emotionally connected to someone else and doesn't want to marry OP?
OP, postpone the wedding. Sure, it's embarrassing, but WAY LESS than going through a painful divorce.
You owe it to yourself to
You owe it to yourself to postpone the wedding, and get this mess sorted out. I don't think he's over his ex.
I'm all about tough love. I
I'm all about tough love. I wish more people had been tougher with me. So here goes-
Postpone?? CALL THAT SHIT OFF. Worst betrayal ever. You will never 'get over' this. There's no excuse. NO EXCUSE this man could have for saying these things to any woman 6 weeks before he gets married. Let me give it to you straight. HES IN IT FOR THE P#$$Y. You weren't around so he went for the next easy target. Ugh it makes me sick and it should make you sick. I don't care if I found out while walking down the dang isle - I would be running in the other direction and changing my phone number. Don't be that woman for him.
I wish people could see what it's like to be someone's number one. The PERSON they wouldn't dream of hurting. Completely loyal to you. That's what we all deserve. Once you have that - you will never go back to being treated this way AND it will piss you off to see others treated this way when there are people out there who would think you hung the moon. This guy is not in. RUN RUN RUN.
Thank you for this, I guess
Thank you for this, I guess I'm thinking along the same lines as you. We had already discussed how she would try to sabotage the wedding and that she always twists words around to manipulate and give her more self importance. He tried to contact me for 2 hours before reaching out to the only person he knew awake at 3am (she was working). He said he doesn't want to be with her, he loves me and wants to marry me, her knows he screwed up, her knows it hurts me and he is really sorry. I discussed this with him in a calm, rational manner. He had a moment of doubt about getting married, even I have had a few omg I'm getting married moments, especially omg I'm going to have to deal with BM for 7 more years! I talked to my dad, he said even he had moments questioning his divorce, resenting the fact that I would grow up without one parent (lived in different states, sometimes different countries), and that before getting married to my Stepmom he had a moment, do I really want to do this again and perhaps even fail again. My dad said, if there is one thing that I'm sure of it is that FDH loves you and wants to marry you.
I will go through with the wedding, most of you seem to think this is a big mistake, but I trust him when he says he is sorry, I trust him when he says he doesn't want her, I trust him when he says he loves me and I trust that he wants to marry me. We all make mistakes, but trust is like a piece of paper, once crumpled it can never again be straightened out perfectly.