To give or not to give- Need help with this one
#1- My sis and her family and me and my family used to exchange Xmas gifts with our Dad, SM and 2 adopted sisters. Over time we stopped due to various reasons including; we never saw them until way AFTER Xmas so it seemed pointless, we never knew what the other was interested in so it was like gifts were brought but maybe never used, and the AS (adopted sisters) never seemed to appreciate the gifts anyways. So probably 5 years ago we stopped giving gifts. Which I am totally okay with.
However there are years since then that I will see something that I want to send to either my Dad or SM. But I dont buy it because I feel like if I buy something for them I look like a grinch if I dont buy something for AS (ages 16, 15). Of course it's usually around Xmas time that I see these gifts or have extra money for gifts.
Is it rude to send something to my parents and not to my AS? I am indifferent to my AS. They are spoiled and have everything and anything that they need or want. So I dont ever come across anything for them and think "oh they would appreciate this."
But I miss shopping for my parents (especially my Dad).
#2- If all goes as planned DH will be taking the skids out to eat on XMas Eve and giving them their gifts. (I will not be there- my choice).
SS20 will most likley have his GF come with him as they can't bear to be apart for more then 1 hour.
Shopping is done and there is not a gift for SS's GF. I am sure DH hasn't even thought that he should get her anything.
Should DH get a gift for her though since she will most likely be at the dinner?
My concerns:
It will be ME getting the gift, on DH's dime. But none the less, me shopping for it.
It will be ME trying to confirm if she will be coming to said dinner and if a gift for her is even needed. DH will wait till the last minute to confirm- Resulting in either no gift or some expensive OR cheap last minute thought gift.
If a gift is not bought and she is at the dinner it may be uncomfortable and come across as rude. SS lives with her and her Dad. So they are serious and we all know how it feels to be "left out".
Somehow it will fall back that SM is mean and got everyone else a gift (it's obvious that I picked out the gifts and not DH) but not GF who is "part of the family".
Also, NOT that I care but I can bet that BM will be getting her a gift. GF knows BM A LOT more then me and spends more time with BM, so that would make more sense. But we all know how things are turned around.
Thoughts?
And I know I am probably overthinking #2 and should let DH deal with it either way.
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Comments
My opinion,if ss lives with
My opinion,if ss lives with his girlfriend, then she should be considered part of the family. Either give them a joint gift as a couple (too late for this year, I know) or get her a gift assuming that she will be attending the dinner. Even if she's not there, ss can take the gift back to her.
Casual gf its OK to not gift if she's not in attendance, but once a couple lives together I think its good form to treat them the same as a married couple.
I'd get her a little
I'd get her a little something. If she isn't there SS can bring it to her and if she's a decent person it will mean something to her to be included in "family" stuff like gift giving.
I think it's fine to buy a
I think it's fine to buy a gift for whoever you wish to buy for. Regardless of who you don't buy for. The as's will get lots of gifts from other ppl. No worries!!
And why not just send a card to ss's gf. Maybe with a giftcard inside so that way if she's not there, dh can just hang on to it, if she is there then it's a nice thoughtful token.
Just get her one of those
Just get her one of those inexpensive gift sets that are everywhere this time of year. Do you know if she likes body stuff or different teas or coffees? Last year, I didn't know that my brother's girlfriend was going to be there until the last minute but he told me she likes tea so I got her gift set with many varieties of tea. Simple, not expensive and she wasn't expecting it so she was pleasantly surprised.
As for the adopted sisters, since they don't appreciate it anyway, just get them something small and inexpensive. A bottle of fragrant body lotion or a coin purse or something. After Christmas you can get great deals and then save them for the future when you want to send your dad and SM something. That way, you also have something to send the ASs (asses?) that didn't cost very much.
for the first scenario, I
for the first scenario, I think that you should give them a small gift if you are giving a gift to your parents. Really, it could be a $20 gift card to the mall or a bottle of lotion and a spray from bath and body works. something small so that they don't feel left out and so that your parents don't feel badly for them.
I think the same thing goes for ss's girlfriend, a little gift will be really appreciated, I've always felt so nice when exboyfriend's parents have done that for me....