I think our SO/ DH/FH taste is questionable
So there was a blog by..nena123 (I think) asking what do our BMs look like physically. Some didn't sound very appealing and some stalkers said their BMs were actually good looking. So just trusting that everyone was being honest and not being haters. What was our men thinking? How is it that they went from BM to us?!
Ok ok..so right now I'm being shallow by saying I do look better than BM. BM is mixed, she's taller than me, weighs more than me. I saw her pants size because somehow she forgot she left them in SD diaper bag when we picked her up and she wears a 15! BM hasn't lost any baby weight from 3 years ago. In fact, FH said she put more on. She seems like a bore. I heard back in her college days she was a sloppy drunk and was actually cheating on FH before they married during those times. She doesn't really have eyebrows or eyelashes.
And I've thought about this and asked FH "other than me being attractive, why me?" I was feeling down for a moment about it all. BM went to college, has a degree (idk in what) and had a well paying job.
When FH met me, I didn't even have a car. I had a well paying job but never took any college courses. I had a toddler and wasn't in a good place with my sons father.
I look at FH and his life before us and think that he and BM seem to have had it all. Looking at her, even in their younger days (they were together since they were 18 or 19), FH could've done waaaay better. I imagined that he could've gotten any girl he wanted. But he chose BM?! Like that was your only option?? Plus you married her??? As crazy as this sounds I've seen their engagement photos and wedding pictures. She looks way older than FH in it. She was 24 and he was 24/25. She looked about 30 in them!
I didn't just examine what we looked like and what we had achieved. I looked at my personality and interest. BM and I are night and day. So idk how he went from her to me. I understand I gave him a lot of things he was missing that he wasn't getting from BM. I gave him back confidence, self esteem and just basically made him feel like I really cared and loved him. Even tho that's the most important thing and explains why he is with me. I still think "wth were you thinking?!"
And to make things clear, these are old feelings and thoughts I had when I first started dating FH. Of course I was curious about his long relationship which lead to marriage. So because they were married, I wanted to know what went wrong. As I got to know FH, I saw so much in him I couldn't believe he never saw or felt in himself. He really is amazing.
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That made me realize
That made me realize something. I wasn't in a good place either. I was content. But afte meeting FH, I was getting to a better place in all aspects. And now that he and I are really good, I am in a good place. I only have positive people around me and ones who I love and trust . This just made me appreciate him and our struggles more. THANKS!
I think majority of people
I think majority of people have felt insecure in the beginning of a relationship or even one where they realize they truly care for a person. FH didn't feel as attractive as some if my exes. But my FH is incredibly sexy to me! I just needed to reassure him.
BM's looks and weight really
BM's looks and weight really doesn't matter. At one point your FH loved her. He dated her, married her, and had a child with her. If things had not gone south, he would still be with her. The fact that he looked beyond her looks, weight and race ( what the heck does her being "mixed" have to do with anything????)says a lot about his character.
She's a mixed race, I'm not.
She's a mixed race, I'm not. FH likes Asian girls, I'm not Asian. I look very much like it but I'm not hahaha. Like I said these are all thoughts and feelings I've had and was afraid to share with FH. Mainly because I felt like it was none of my business. We ended up talking about it and he had similar feelings too. We are great and just make fun if each other now.
This "it was once true love"
This "it was once true love" angle of yours isn't always the case. People can get themselves in relationships with unsuitable people because they have unresolved issues. I know that I used to be attracted to "bad boys" because I didn't have a great relationship with my own father. But I sought help for that, and learned to make better choices for myself.
My SO had a heck of a lot of unresolved mommy issues that led him to a relationship with that mess of a woman, which he attempted to resolve via their relationship. After his divorce, he sought therapy and made better choices for himself. He admits his marriage with BM was about his mother (ew).
Now he's in his first relationship of equals. With me. He's in real love for the first time, not co-dependency labeled as "love". With me.
So, no, relationships that produce children are absolutely not always a psychologically healthy relationship that just went south. Sometimes it's people making terrible choices in mates, and not growing up understanding what a real relationship should look like because their own parents didn't have something healthy to model for them. And they just get in deeper, because that's what they're "supposed to do". The Marriage + White Picket Fence + Babies = Happiness fallacy. They don't grow as people while together; they drown in dysfunction. And if one of them became more psychologically healthy during the marriage, the marriage would have to end.
Some relationships are all about free will and healthy choices; and some are about dysfunction. If I were a betting woman, I'd say many of the SOs/DHs on this site have issues with their mothers that led them to unhealthy relationships with controlling BMs.
Disney, that's why these guys
Disney, that's why these guys judgement is deficient. Sure, they looked past looks, (my BM wasn't exactly attractive either, even before she put on 100 lbs) but how in the WORLD did they miss the crazy that was lurking? One does not become a narcissistic racist bigot overnight.
The same way many of us miss
The same way many of us miss the flaws in our SOs (poor parenting,bad work ethic, lack of financial responsibility, emotionally abusive, putting kids first. ..). When you love someone, you tend to ignore or look beyond the crazy and flaws.
BM didn't do anything. Didn't
BM didn't do anything. Didn't cook, didn't clean and rarely wanted to have sex. So why would they stay together for almost 10 years?? Because they both were content. She was taken care if in every way and FH thought he was being the man by doing everything.
If they weren't in a
If they weren't in a psychologically healthy place, the crazy could actually have been the attractor.
Or perhaps they had white knight syndrome, bought BM's victim public relations broadcast, and wanted to save her from the drama of the mean mean world. Then, once they were in deep enough, they needed to put up blinders to the crazy in order to stay in the relationship because leaving is harder than not leaving, and dealing with the devil that you know is easiest.
All my DHs exes that I ever
All my DHs exes that I ever saw pictures of were disgusting or just very plain at best. BM was pretty long time ago, so i can give him credit there. Now she looks like she got hit by a bus. I think sometimes people just get with someone that they can someone "connect" with or just settle. Its not all about looks but geez my DH is very attractive I couldn't understand why he dated these um…..
That's how I feel! FH was so
That's how I feel! FH was so attractive in his you get days too! I saw pics of his ex gfs and think, wow you could've done way better. These girls ended up being no good anyways.
Lmao!!! OMG idk how she
Lmao!!! OMG idk how she "forgot" her pants in there. It was even inside a plastic bag already. Maybe she wanted FH to have something of hers. Hahaha show him what he's been missing out on. Hahaha! FH put it in the trash!
Size 15 and you guys have a
Size 15 and you guys have a beef with that? I haven't worn size 15 since I WAS 15. I'm 6ft tall, good-looking, extremely charming and fun, and everywhere I go people remember me, are glad to see me, and want to keep in touch.
I have NO problem with the size of my pants, and if you do, well... that says a lot about you and nothing about me.
I got what you meant, it's my
I got what you meant, it's my blog so that's all that matters
Oh whatevs. My comment was
Oh whatevs. My comment was for the ppl who make fun of other people to make themselves feel better. I didn't name names and tbh other people's bad behaviour isn't a problem for me. I don't think it goes unnoticed, but like I said, that's on that other person.