Feeling obligated to include skids
I hate the politics involved in blended families! I just made an appointment to have Easter pictures of DD3months taken. But now, I'm thinking that in order to avoid an unnecessary discussion with DH where I'll have to justify why I had professional pictures of DD taken but did not do the same for the ssons, I have to include the ssons.
Don't get me wrong, I love those boys and I usually include them in things BUT they're very needy and due to how BM and DH do almost everything for them, at 5 and almost 7, those boys act like they're toddlers.
Anyways, they don't follow directions, they can't stand still for a minute and I'm afraid they will ruin the picture! The photographer I booked was doing a promotion so I only get 30 minutes, I scheduled for when DD is usually awake and in good mood so I'll have decent pictures. The ssons always refuse to smile for pictures, they don't look at the camera, they don't know how to keep their hands to themselves for a minute (I'm not exaggerating!). I'm afraid that if I take them along I won't have one decent picture of DD, I'll be in a bad mood because I'll be busy chasing after them and managing them, it'll pretty much be a waste of money.
But the alternative is not taking them and then I'll be accused of favoritism. A month ago I took DD to the library and left the ssons at home with my mom and DH went on and on about how I need to include them in things I do with DD otherwise they'll feel left out; he gave this long speech about how hard the kids lives are because they have to go between two homes and how they don't feel like they belong anywhere, blah, blah, blah...
I understand that if this was a nuclear family, I can't just have professional picture of one kid and exclude the others but....
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you do NOT have to include
you do NOT have to include them....no.....
No way. His parents can get
No way. His parents can get his/their Easter pictures.
I agree with you. The problem
I agree with you. The problem is, DH would not think of fun or new things to do with them but the second I mention I want to take DD to do something, then all of a sudden it's important for the ssons to go to.
This is my first and possibly only child and I want to expose her to as many experiences as possible but it sucks that DH is ruining some of that by wanting me to make up for what him and BM didn't do while the boys were younger.
Nuclear or blended, doesn't
Nuclear or blended, doesn't make a difference. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having pictures done of the newest member of the family on their own. I did just that for each of my kids.
I would suggest keeping this appointment for your daughter ONLY and then maybe book something else for all of the kids. It doesn't have to be expensive, go to Walmart or something.
walmart and sears portrait
walmart and sears portrait studios closed last year. the only one I know of that is still in business is jcpenney.
That's a great idea, thank
That's a great idea, thank you. I'll do it as her 3 months pics.
I agree with Rising, I sure
I agree with Rising, I sure as hell have favorites, that's right I like my own kids more than other peoples I favor them over ANYONE elses kids. I'll shout that from the mountains. let him wrangle HIS kids for pictures HE wants.
Wow, of course she's your
Wow, of course she's your favorite, she's your ONLY child. He's insane. LOL
As soon as he pulled the
As soon as he pulled the schlock about how hard his kids have it going between two homes and they don't feel they belong anywhere, I would have ended any discussion. At that point it's not about pictures. That's an issue between him and their mother. Done.
There is a new
There is a new photojournalism trend going on where I live.
People are starting photography businesses and a lot of the photos come out action based as opposed to sitting and looking at the camera grinning. I think you could look at it as an option since it wouldn't require the boys to sit still. They could come take pics of the entire family outside or whatever. The pictures turn out beautiful. It's what we did with DD when she was alive. I treasure them because it shows her true personality as opposed to a typical portrait.
Eta: the photographer was able to get pictures of my late husband and I while we held dd, by just working with camera angles
My motto is "DO not start
My motto is "DO not start anything you do not want to be EXPECTED to continue." It will be expected. You want pictures of Your child, then do it. Does the ex feel obligated to pay for and include your child on the grounds that she is related when having professional pictures taken?
There will be plenty of times when all the children are included. It does not have to be every time.
let dh throw a hissy fit.
let dh throw a hissy fit. each child deserves some pictures of JUST them. I have yet to get bd19, bs6, bs9mos in a picture together. I have however gotten bd19's sr. pics done, I have had bs6's school pics done, and just as I did with both older kids, the baby has newborn, 3 month, 6 month, and 9 month pictures of just him. I will get them all together when we do family pictures in a few months. keep in mind, these are all MY kids and I still do pics of them alone. if it's such a big damn deal to dh, he can take all 3 kids for together pictures. there is nothing wrong with what you want to do.
I can definitely relate to
I can definitely relate to how you feel, as I recall all those "firsts" during my oldest DS's first year when SSs were 5 and 7. (DS is now 12 and SSs are 18 and 20.) I remember how much I hated the whole dilemma each and every time the idea of pics came up, and I also recall how much my oldest SS hated getting his pic taken with my DS, even more so if I was in the picture. He would scowl and practically ruin every photo. However, having said that, if I could go back & give advice to myself, I would tell myself not to make such a big deal about it and just include the SKs so that they don't feel left out. I know they get photos at BM's house, but I can see now that SKs end up not feeling like a part of ANY family. One thing we did do that I'm glad we did was, we got individual shots of EACH child, plus a group shot of all 3 kids (all 4 kids when my DS #2 came along), and then we always got a shot of the 2 SSs together and gave one to their mom. (for all I know, she may have shredded it, but this made it MUCH easier for me to get a shot of just my two DSs together.)
One caveat to this is that I DON'T think it's reasonable for your DH to expect you to take all 3 kids by yourself. That is too much, and I think if he is not available, it makes sense for you to go alone with just your daughter, and to have group photos taken some other time--or to reschedule when your DH is available to go when you have the boys.
Also, when you say they are not toddlers, it sounds like you think they are grown up and should act mature. In fact, while they are not toddlers, they ARE still very much little boys. It is VERY hard for them to hold still at that age. My youngest DS is 6, and he's certainly got plenty of little boy in him and has a hard time at things like that. They are actually at a very sweet age for Easter photos. I KNOW it's hard to focus on anything but your own sweet child, but I think for the good of the family, including your DH and your SSs, you should try to include them if possible so as to avoid hurt feelings. There will be plenty of times that it's just not possible to include them, and that's ok, too, but I think it goes a long way to include them when you can. Others certainly may disagree with me and you may as well, which is fine, but I wanted to give you my perspective as a SM of 15 years whose SKs are now grown, since I know it was very hard for me to see the big picture when I was in the throes of it all, and I wish someone had said these things to me. Good luck!
When I say they act like
When I say they act like toddlers, it's more than just behavior, it's the neediness and how much energy is needed to take care of them. Even though my oldest SS will be 7 next month, he still pees and poops himself. He always have to have a change of clothes in his backpack because he pees on himself several days a week while at school. SS5 wants to be carried all the time, I kid you not, he would throw a hissy fit if he has to walk from the car into store. Who has time for that when I have a 3months old that I have to care for?
Anyways, thanks for sharing your perspective, it's nice to hear from all sides.
I cheat with my BD......Ill
I cheat with my BD......Ill take photos of BD and SD when we are out....but then I say "now one on your own!"....SD always poses to perfection....BD likes to have a mess about with poses cos thats the kinda photo I like......plus as others have said, I would organize it when the Skids were not their. You entitled to have pictures of YOUR child on its own without anyone else, thats how you document their lives!