I could be the poster child for Stephell.....

Yes.

I have never been petty, jealous, vengeful, full of hate towards another woman in my entire life. I actually prefer the company of women. I'm a middle aged woman so I thought I was pretty set in my ways. I've seen a lot of bitchy-ness, relationship drama, mean girls, doormats, hetero, gay, bi--none of that mattered. I was still able to understand and get along with almost everybody and respectfully avoid the ones I didn't like.

BM changed all of that. I have never been exposed to anyone like her. I have met a couple of DH's ex girlfriends and they both fall somewhere in the range of cool chick -- someone I could be friends with.

BM is so.....different. I despise her as a person. I despise everything she represents: her lifestyle, her values, her belief system.

I realize that I've got some work to do internally. DH said he gave up the anger and bitterness years ago. I'm in the beginning stages of learning just how awful she is and I need to get to a better place fast. I don't like what I've become.

Just the opposite. Everything bad about me surfaced when Skids moved in and I drank on top of it all. Of course my own mom moved in with us too and that was the beginning of what I thought was the end. Eventually I found this site and they all moved out but DH and I were left in bad shape. His IBS acted up and sadly it still to this day is out of control, both of us faced mental issues, and I carried on drinking.

Well I have lived on this site for quite some time now so to speak and I kept asking questions here and things started to add up for us. I have learned far more from you ladies here than what I have learned in all the years I have been in counseling. Hearing the blunt truth makes better sense to me than being in counseling and given no tools to work with. Well I was getting tools in counseling but it seemed to far out of reach so it felt pointless. At least people here call me out when I do mess up and I actually listen to correct what I can and that has opened up more doors for both DH and myself.

Since making changes, I gained much needed confidence and am now using the tools that was given to me from counseling and the people here. Even quit drinking recently and still have a ways to go with other things.

I can tell you this, I can't live with my Skids and my mother again. There would have to be extreme changes made if we had to have Skids move in with us but I won't live with my mom again.

At first I thought, "No, I'm pretty sure I am slightly bruised but not permanently damaged." But then I remembered that my DH and I had talked for years about adopting a little girl to raise as our own. After having raised a stepdaughter with BPD, there's not a chance in hell anymore that I would want to take on another girl. That's a dream I never would have given up otherwise.

Sad, but true - stepdom can cause so much damage. Sure, I can find the silver lining in all of this, and point out all of the lessons that I have learned. But when you have a bad bio mom and negatively affected skids, it is very much like having a cancer in your life. You can treat it, even overcome it, but the chemo needed to eradicate the cancer sure leaves its mark!

I have said for a very long time that many of the feelings a lot of us stepparents express on here are similar to those with PTSD. We take a look in the mirror on day and find that the on-going trauma has changed us from the person we knew to the person we've become... and not always in a favorable way.

I've always been a very outgoing person, friends with (almost) everyone, smiling, fairly carefree. Now? I'm a tired, worn-down, passive-aggressive, bitter hag some days.

TRUE STORY: My first marriage... my DH was diagnosed with a terminal illness when I was pregnant with my DS13 and my DD16 was 2 1/2. Four years of living with treatments that didn't work, failing health, trying to work full time, raising 2 small kids on my own(because my DH was physically unable to) and caring for my DH 100% (because his FAMILY was emotionally unable to) took it's toll. Rarely did I ever eat, was always on the move, so how could I have blossomed to 230lbs????? And then after my DH passed, I lost 35lbs in the first month (not trying) and another 50 lbs over the next 5 months (still not trying).

My MD explained it: fight or flight mechanism. It releases steroids/cortisol into your body for that instantaneous reaction when under stress. Unfortunately being under a high level of stress over an extended period of time causes the natural steroids to constantly flow... and acts almost as the synthetic steroids my DH was taking for his brain tumor -- massive weight gain, irritability/irrationality (think "roid rage"), GI problems, moon face, hump back, varicose veins, the list goes on. At 36 I looked and felt like I was 90 until I was no longer under intense stress all the time.

Now, having been living in step hell, I have to BATTLE my weight every single day, or I will return to what I was when my first DH was ill. And my constant scowl and irritability is back.

Ugh.

It definitely has added a whole new level of stress. If SO and I ever broke up, then I would never want to date again due to the fact I have a son and I wouldn't want anyone going through this type of situation.

And like another poster said...I have never met someone like BM, so manipulative. At least not to me. It has made me so jaded about other people, not just women, who have kids. I always think, I wonder what kind of Hell they put their ex through, even if they don't.

I gave up a lot to be with DH- I moved from the city to suburban hell, my work commute went from 40 min round trip to 3.75 hours, my friends are all 26 miles away (50min to 2hrs depending on time of day), I wanted a cozy condo not big house with big yard and all the maintenance. I went from no car to HAVING to have a car to do anything. Living here and being medically unable to drive sucks. I don't believe suburbia is good for children, yet where am I raising DD's? I have made so many compromises that have not been in my best interest due to step life. What is killing me has no known cause but I have wondered if it has been 9 years of stress due to DH and SS.
I have been asked if I would marry DH again- the answer is no and he knows it.

I believe I have PTSD. I get freaked out at the thought of being in SD17's company. (I believe she has emerging BPD) I stalk her twitter and watch her school attendance, in a hyper-vigilant paranoid kind of way. As long as I know she's 1,500 miles away from us and still enrolled in school I can relax. But when she gets within 60 miles of us (when she visits her big sis) I turn into a shell shocked mess. When BM (undiagnosed BPD) and SD17 fight, which is often, DH gets drug into it because they start threatening to send her our way. DH always does a good job deflecting it, but I'm fearful that things will get out of hand there and police will get involved, (like it has in the past) and she'll be on the next flight. :O . Of course this is just my fear as DH would never agree to it. I come here as a form of therapy to help with my anxiety and disengagement efforts.

I have never been a "kid person" but I could easily like likable kids. My exSO did not have likable kids which made me constantly irritable. Now I look at any man who's saying things I LOVE MY KID NO ONE BEFORE MY KID - I'm immediately disgusted and move on.

To me, that now says that its not that you have your kid(s)' best interest at heart, its that you're a Disney Dad with a high conflict BM or a BM that you're TOO involved with.

I've gained so much weight I no longer fit into most of my clothes. I've always been an extremely positive "well get thru it" or "I'll get thru" it optimist. I used to love kids or think they were great now I seriously question wanting one. For a while I was drinking all the time, crying once a week sometimes at work with my door closed. I had lost my self and my happiness over 2 strangers. I will never be so miserable again I WILL be happy with or without them.

My DH does get it, and I have a great deal of respect for him. He's just as shell shocked as me, maybe more. I'm lucky he'll never let SD ever come near me again, at least until we know she's changed, but that will never happen. He only communicates with her on the phone. And very rarely. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, but I'm still damaged from it.

I am totally and completely broken. I feel like i'm no longer living, just existing. My house is no longer my home. I'm Wiccan and my house was a blessed sanctuary for me and my rescue dogs. Now I have none of that left. I've been invaded. The Skids have taken up any extra space and wrecked it with holes in the walls, destroying furniture, drawing on everything, trashing anything they put their hands on. I haven't been able to sit down in my living room and watch tv for over 2 yrs. Their shit is everywhere. DH has moved around furniture and thrown out things that were dear to me. I'm a shell of who I was. They only talk to me when they want something. I'm broke. All my $$$ goes to these people that don't care. I do all the "momma" shit without getting any of the recognition. BM does jack shit but she's still the "sweet, poor innocent blue M&M". My illnesses go unnoticed. I had pneumonia and I've been working with a broken foot (great when you walk dogs daily) I can't afford to go to the Dr, we have no insurance. My feelings go unnoticed. I had to put my dog to sleep and no one even acknowledged that he was gone but SD12's crab she'd had for a week died because she left it out of the tank and you'd think the world was ending. We had the waterworks/drama for hours, had to bury the damn thing in the yard with a cross and prayers. I secretly wished the cat had eaten it. I used to feel good when I was home, now if it weren't for my dogs, I wouldn't go there. I basically hide in my room with my dogs and, make sure that they don't bark or make a mess because DH loves to compare the kids to my dogs. Yes, seriously. If I say "SS10 left his dirty, muddy shoes and socks on the couch", he'll go "well, the chihuahua left his stinky chewie bone on the couch again". Its insane. I'm not me anymore. DH is very immature and irresponsible so I feel like i'm raising him too. I never signed up to be a mom to him and his lazy, nasty, inconsiderate, entitled brats. I've lost the will to live. I have to literally drag myself out of bed and force myself to eat and shower and go to work. I don't know how long I can do this anymore.....