Good going!

I love my dh to bits but he made huge messes for years. He stopped once I started leaving those messes in his car, on his Harley, etc.

I don't have any advice on your DH but when my DS23 was a baby, he also had colic (otherwise was one of the best kids ever, IMHO). Is your baby using formula? If so, my DS's pediatrician said to put a little bit of Maalox and a little bit of Benadryl in each bottle. Worked wonders as did many long car rides.

This may help. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chrissy-kelly/10-tips-for-husbands-to-help...

There was another article about really not liking your husband at all right after having a baby, but I can't find it. I think it is one of those things couples rarely tell you about, but yes, most women can't stand their husbands after having a baby. Mine became a baby himself, it was exhausting. I think he was jealous that I didn't pay as much attention to him and that pissed me off. He also had a harder time bonding with the baby. For a while, I understood why him and BM split right after skid was born. I probably would have left if we didn't have a baby together (haha).

Good news is, in a couple of months you won't hate him and things will start to normalize. Expressing your feelings to him is key (plus you have this wonderful excuse of "hormones"). My baby is 9 month now, and I still have to ask DH to change a diaper or wash bottles. In his mind these are my jobs and he's doing me a favor, but I also don't think he thinks about it. If I ask, he does it. Do I wish he would without asking? Of course (and sometimes he does and I feel like it is Christmas).

I guess my point is, your feelings are normal, your husband being a lazy selfish jerk is also normal (there is nothing called a dading instinct for a reason I think), and anyone who acts like their marriage was perfect right after a baby has either forgotten or is lying. Express your feelings and make him accountable.

My DH does squat for our two boys. He's not particularly messy, but I lose my patience every now and then. I remind him every so often that I'm with them 24/7, and even if I'm sick I don't get a break. He just agrees and says he doesn't know how I do it and continues. Since I didn't want to fight constantly, I accepted it. How I deal with it is this: If it's up to me to take care of the children 24/7, then he has no say in any decisions regarding them. When it comes to doctors, vaccinations, activites...I make all the decisions. I also don't keep a spotless house. I wish I could, but I do the best I can without stressing out and having two toddlers messing up the place.

Yeah, taking care of little ones does take some adjusting. I should know, I have 2 bios.

I refuse to look at this as a gender issue. It's pure perception.

Case in point, I just got off a gruelling 10 hour shift at work. I arrive home and notice that a section of the Christmas lights on the roof was out. So I climb onto the roof, fiddle with it to get it to work and finally get inside and plop myself on the couch exhausted.

DW comes into the room and says "It's YOUR turn to change BD's diaper!"

Believe me, I was none too pleased...

Now, DW and I laugh about it because both of us are confident that each of us do our fair share to maintain the household. How do you get to that point though?...Well for one thing, you have to talk about it. DW may feel overwhelmed by the mountain pile of laundry but I won't know unless she tells me. Same thing with me in the kitchen (I do most of the cooking). If I have a complex meal to prepare and we absolutely have to eat by a certain time because we are on a schedule, I will ask DW to prep something.

BD still cries in the middle of the night and I am always the one to get her to console her. I do so because I know DW has a hard time falling back to sleep and she is an absolute wreck the next day. Me on the other hand, you can snap your fingers and I'll be out.

I guess what I am trying to say is - as couples go - DW and I have our strengths and our weaknesses and we do what we can. I mentioned above that DW does all the laundry. I can do it but before I met DW, laundry was separated into Whites and colors. DW separates the laundry into whites, colors - and 3 other catagories...

My sympathies on the baby with colic...DW and I tried some homeopathic remedies which eased it a little bit, but in the end you just have to ride it out...

Colic is the WORST, I'm sorry! My DH is better at some things than others, and I've found that telling him what I need actually doesn't help. (Scene: 3 am, a baby is crying for at least the 7th time that night. Me: "Babe. Can you get up with the baby? I've gotten 45 minutes sleep so far total." Him, with an irritated sigh: "Fine." He continues to lay there. I hear snoring. I wonder whether a jury could possibly convict me. Certainly not a jury of fellow mothers.)

About the only thing I could suggest (and I should note that DH and I have never done this, DH is SO not the type of guy to do this), would be to argue each other's view points. Role play - let him pretend to be you, and you pretend to be him, then have the conversation again. If nothing else, you'll figure out whether he's heard what you're saying at all.

Edited to add: Or I could suggest waiting it out. As others have said, it does get better!! For us, about 6 months was the turning point.

Sometimes you have to force the results you want. So when you are overwhelmed and DH comes home, tell him that. And tell him you need an hour or so alone to collect yourself. Hand him the baby, take your keys and leave the house. Give yourself an hour to do NOTHING. Take a walk, go to a park, go to the store and wander around, go to the library - whatever is available to you.

IT WILL BE HARD THE FIRST FEW TIMES ! You will worry and feel guilty but he needs the opportunity to feel your frustration. He needs the opportunity to learn how to care for a baby independent of you.

A new baby is an adjustment even if its your second or third. Don't put yourself in the role of the only one who can be the caregiver.

Maybe you need to schedule some time that you do something for yourself and leave the baby to DH. It will benefit you all. Infants are stressful and exhausting but colic brings a whole new level of it all.

Good luck and hugs !

Poor you! My DD is almost 6 mos and I really remember being in your shoes. When she was around 5 weeks old I told my husband that I thought we should look for a family to adopt her because there was no way I could handle things the way they were. Partly exhaustion, partly undiagnosed PPD, partly a baby that didn't sleep, and partly feeling powerless.

You're right, he should be helping. For his own sake. It was also around this age that my husband tried saying that he felt I 'knew' her better than him. So I gave it some thought and we talked about it. Her bedtime is usually around 6-6.30 pm. He is home by 5.30 at least three days per week. Once he comes home, he gets about 15 minutes to change his clothes, rest a few minutes if needed, and then he's in charge. Daddy-duty. He asks me what I think she needs, but my answer is almost always, hmmm what do you think? Now he just announces what he's doing - I'm going to change her diaper, put her to bed, play with her...

He rarely does it the way I would. But he does it his way, and she adores every minute of it.

In general my husband has far lower standards than I do. I have come to learn that sometimes I make things unnecessarily difficult for myself. And sometimes he's lazy. But it's definitely not all black or white.

The other thing I did was create a schedule for my baby. This doesn't work for every family, but it did for mine, much more than I could have imagined. It's very 'parent-led', in case you want to look up parenting styles online.

It was hard at first, because I started by stretching feedings to 1.5 then 2 then 2.5 hours. Then I noticed her pattern was definitely Eat Activity Sleep. But she slept a maximum of 45 minutes at once. So, we still have that pattern. She very rarely sleeps longer than 45 minutes per cycle, sometimes she doesn't sleep at all or sleeps less... but she gets 45-60 minutes of downtime every cycle. She needs to recharge, to process everything... she can't be go-go-go.

For me, I get up between 6 and 6.30 and get myself ready. I don't shower every day, but I get dressed and makeup on (even if it's only mascara). I eat breakfast and enjoy a cup of cofffe. I can my baby moving around from about 6am, but I don't get her until at least 6.45-7.00.

7.00-7.30 - diaper change, dressed for the day, eat
7.30-8.30 - play (sometimes together, sometimes on her baby gym, sometimes sporty- tummy time, rolling over, etc)
8.30-9.30 - sleep
9.30-10.00 - diaper change, eat

Rinse and repeat.

PM me anytime and if I can offer any advice or tips, I'd be happy to help. Or even just remind you that although you might be feeling like you're losing it, you're doing fine.

MWS, I have to apologize, your vent turned into some weird debate with a lot of insults. I usually try to steer clear of these debates, but I guess maybe I was bored today. Anyway, I hope that you are able to take some time to yourself, and find a way to get the help you need from your DH. I do think things will normalize and you guys will find some common ground in the next few months.

Wow - I can't believe that this blog got so OT and, yes, man-bashing. Not all guys are that bad. But they can also NOT read minds. Something that seems of the utmost importance to a woman can be just a flicker at best to a guy. And vice versa as well.

A lot of women who come to this site post about how horrible their skids are or how horrible things are with the ex. But in reality, it comes down to their DHs' failure in some aspect, be it boundaries or parenting. So, I would say that those women on this site have DHs who are lesser than in some personality aspect.

Also, remember our ancestors. In general, women are gatherers, men are hunters. Women notice the small details while a man looks at the "big picture." It's not necessarily that they don't KNOW somethings need to be done, it just isn't on their radar like it is on a woman's.