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AND.....OF COURSE HE WENT THERE!!!

the wicked witch's picture

My SS15 is at his BM's place for 6 weeks every summer. I married his dad when he was 3 years old. The BM is a piece of work. Mostly, SS15 goes to his mom's every other weekend. When he does, i know several things for certain. 1. He should not take anything (ie..backpack, clothes, ANYTHING) that I should expect to get back. 2. During that time, he will not shower or brush his teeth, even if he pees during the night. 3. He is responsible for nothing there, and is super happy about this!! SO....During the summers, he goes to his moms for 1/2 of the summer. EVERY YEAR, during that time, he and his mom concoct a scheme that he want to live up there with her. She does not work, will not work, has no income, and cannot even keep her 1-room apartment clean when she is by herself!! SHE IS A PIECE OF WORK!! this woman is not a mother in any sense. She only tells the children what they want to hear....no matter what is right. SS15 is special needs. When I married his dad, he was 3 and could not feed himself..he was a mess!! The doctors diagnosed his with Reactive Detatcment Disorder, and ADD. He lacks judgement and reasoning. He needs to be reminded of basic details. I know he is 15, but as a special needs child, he does need the stability of a home environmenty that meets his needs. We have a home here. We have 3 other boys 10, 9, and 7 who adore their brother. I have been the primary influence in his advancements in scouting, school and church. He adores his dad. I know for a fact that I am the "BAD GUY" in his world, and that bothers me tremendousely. As a teenager, he is argumentative and sassy, and we have gone the rounds. I understand why he wants to move, but I am deadset against it. I know how his mom is and I KNOW FOR A FACT that he will not thrive and move forward there. My DH and I have gone the rounds a number of times as I tried to get him to take a more active role in the disipline of SS15, but he is a bit of a softie..and he works a ton. I am the mom...therefore I am the mom!! It would be soo easy for me to give up and say..WHATEVER~!!! LET HIM GO!! That would be sooo easy for me, but I know in my heart that it is not the right thing to do!!! HELP!!!!!

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the wicked witch's picture

My heart is being ripped out
. I have loved and cared for this boy for 11 1/2 years...and it all seems to have been for nothing!! My DH allowed SD20 to moved out in the middle of her senior year because she refused to respect me and he did not want to deal with it. I had raised he since she was 8. I am tired of being tramped on thrown to the side!!

oneoffour's picture

I think your DH has to understand that if he allows his son to live with BM just because he is being a snotty teenager he is letting his son down. Parenting is not a popularity contest. It is doing your best to raise law abiding people who reach their potential.

Also you can tell DH that if he allows his son to go his son will not be able to come back for 2 years. None of this chopping and changing. He may also have to pay CS for his son as his ex doesn't work. It will be likely he will end up injured or damaged by his lack of thriving environment.

And when SS comes back, remind him of what he wants to walk away from. Make them material things. Things he can visualise as going without. The love of his brothers won't matter. Going without his xbox will. Not having support for his homework won't. Not having 200 channels will. Ask him how his mother will get all those things for him. She doesn't work. His dad works to pay for those things.

I suspect his mother wants more money. And if necessary tell her to take it to court to make it legal. But work on your DH to step up. And being the bad guy means you are doing the right thing.

the wicked witch's picture

Thanks!! Being the "bad guy" is so very hard...but yes, it is absoltely the right thing !! His mom has made parenting a popularity contest all along...and of coarse, he wants what seems like the easiest for him!!!

the wicked witch's picture

Sorry..guess I was rambling. My SD was allowed to move out and has taken a bad path in life ever since. I do not want to have anything to do with my SS moving !!