BM never has SD but when she does, she coddles her. She treats a six yo like a two yo and the grandparents. are the same way. This kid doesn't even put on her own shoes and cries when we make her. She's so spoiled it's disgusting. FDH has come a ways with more to go. We just had this conversation last night about this same topic and he is rly starting to see what's going on and he hates it. He understands my frustration as well and is happy that I'm helping him and have stuck by him. He's a work in progress. SD however... idk about that kid.

Being raised by an overgrown child - BM - and spending weekends with a dad who feels guilty about how they have to live all week.

BM's PAS, absolutely, as well as lazy parenting, and I include DH in that as he was a very lazy parent when with BM. He got therapy after the divorce, realized the error of his ways, and stepped it up big time once he was a single 50/50 parent. I wouldn't be with him otherwise!

SS's issues came from BOTH BM and DH. They both wanted to be the "friend parent".

They wanted to be the best liked parent by SS no matter what the cost. This is the case I see on here a lot.

Parenting off of guilt is ineffective parenting. I heard that on Dr. Randy Carlson and I believe this to be a deffinate starting point!

I see a huge lack of parenting on both ends for my steps. Dad is like a grandpa and Mom is like a BFF, but there are no rules or teachable moments. Lots of spoiling goes on and that is about it. It makes me want to barf, just a little...

I just answered something related on another post (Cute Little Girls)where a lot of members here find it hard to believe that there may actually be kids who "never need correcting". That was in response to a man who said his GF's kids were allowed to act out without consequences but his are well behaved.
For the most part I think it's lazy parenting when kids aren't given direction in how to behave in a civilized manner.

In this case,

1. PASing BM, who does not parent. Hates DH more than she loves her kids.

2. BM is an absentee parent and leaves the skids on their own.

3. Both parents spoil the skids.

4. No consequences for skids actions.

5. No real structure and follow through.

6. DH reasons in his head that he can't discipline the skids or have structure if BM isn't doing it in her home too.

7. Both parents are in denial about where the skids are in their development.

All I know is DH has always come off about how wonderful and perfect his kids are but in reality, I'm standing on the outside watching and I see 3 really f'd up kids who are gonna crash. Because one of these days they're going to think they should be handed something whether its a good grade, money or be totally inept to take care of themselves while sharing a dorm room etc. It's all going to come tumbling down and DH will stand their scratching his head and me with the look of "I told you so" }:)