My mother and I came back from a dinner outting to get out of the house for one Saturday night. I have been having a rough time lately, because my BD won custody over our 4 yr old. (temporary) Who he only did as spite, no relationship with his son what so ever. Its his wife that has always wanted my son--- anyways another story.
Well, filing an appeal and waiting for the next hearing)

Until then, it has been a rough few weeks. My son and I have a remarkable relationship. He will be 5 next month. I haven't slept or ate much. Insomnia has kicked it. I have raised him from day one.. -- oh yeah another story!

My husband had gotten his kids earlier from his ex-wife. Apparently, and I don't know how because it was kept on a low, she found out about it and told their 4 kids. I had came home that night, and didn't even think that they would know. I had a problem with them coming before hand because I wasn't ready to be around kids. Which, I even expressed to my husband prior. I know that sounds selfish and he has a right to see his kids... I just didn't want to be around them. So my mother and I came home later that evening, hoping that they would have been in bed. ( I have guardianship over my mom, and take care of her) His kids rubbed into my face that I wasn't getting son for a long time..

I left the room --- numb and so hurt.. I thought how dare them, but dare his ex-wife even telling young kids that don't understand the pain and the hurt I am going through, and they have the NERVE to slap it in MY face. Ontop of that, their dad was standing right there that said absolutely NOTHING.

I left the room--- and went to my moms room and cried. She held me upset, and pissed off. My husband and the nerve to knock on the door and ask am I okay, my mom let him have it and told him his ex-wife is a bitch, and if she would have seen her or ever saw her that she was going to lay into her for stooping so low. How dare she, how dare of him for not saying anything. He does not know a pain of loosing a child from a mothers point of view. He slammed the door.

Of course I went out to the bedroom, because I was going to get into my car and leave. (purse in the bedroom) He was like so that's it? I said how could you just stand their? How did they find out? He said she found out and Idk how. I haven't told her anything. N you knew, she knew? You didn't for warn me? Did you not talk to your kids?? He said he did in the car and asked them to bring it up that it was a hurtful subject. But I have no control over them if they still bring it up. You said nothing, when your child sat their and rubbed it into my face?

Instead he flips it and says your mom says I have no idea what it is to loose a child. I do know. I had to leave for 2 yrs after my child was born not knowing if I was going to live the next day (my husband is a disable veteran) Now, I don't get to see my kids much and I will do anything in my power to see them. They are strictly on her terms, regardless of an order we have. She takes off with them, and refuses to give me an address or phone number. I don't have what you and your BD have. I have to suck up in order to see my kids. I am jealous that when you do have your son, you have him more than me. I love your son, and it gives me the opportunity to be the father I cannot be to my own children full time. I cannot go for custody over my kids, because I put yours ahead of mine so we can get him back.

(which isn't true, in all reality, because of his health problems, I think he likes that he can give them back because they are MUCH for him and I) If he wanted them, he had and has plenty of opportunity to take them from her.. but still chooses not too. So its an easier excuse then comprehending the real reality)

Now I am more angry. My mom wants to slap her across the face because that was a very cheap shot. I am so numb and hurt. I am tired of him making excuses for her. I do know, when she gets the nerve to text my phone or call my house, I will flip on her shit... I no longer can go with him to meet her to exchange for the kids, because hell would break loose.

I don't understand how people can be so cruel. I have avoided my husband and his kids all weekend long. Made plans and didn't come home until late evenings, or shut myself in my bedroom like I am doing today. They are going home sometime today.

Does that make me a bad person? I hope not..