This may be long.

I am looking for advice and support. Please dont criticize on things that are already as they are.

I also dont want to get a divorce for many reasons... so that is not what I want the end result to be.

DH and I have been married 10 months.

When DH and I first got together, everyone got along. Once we got engaged, we moved in together, I bought a house that we live in, etc that is when things started to go bad with the skids.

Partly the skids and their behavior, partly BM's influence and partly DH's lack of wanting to address the issues. I know at times I have been stubborn and have put a wall up. But I do feel that I tried many many times, often met with resistence from the skids and even DH. Kind of like, well if I dont do it the skids way (give into their demands) then I can't do anything.

So the first year we lived together this is how things went. We then went to counseling for many months and I felt like we had a huge breakthrough. We decided to set a wedding date.

It was good for me because I felt like I had DH on my team. The skids werent really coming around and DH didnt seem to miss them too much. As I saw it, he was starting to see their true colors. We start planning our wedding and I feel 100% going into it. (initially)

Then closer to the wedding date, I notice that DH is starting to back away from BS. DH isnt exactly the best dad to his own kids so I didnt expect much in terms of him being a SF. However in the beginning and up until this time he exceeded my epxectations. He understood that it was important for me to marry someone who was interested in being a family with myself and BS, since BS is so young and his father isnt around much.

So right before the wedding I see a change in him. I figure I'm busy, he's busy, wedding planning, work, etc At the time I am thinking... okay DH has been happy to be a "parent" to BS for the past 2 1/2 years, he has only been acting like this for the past 6 weeks, it's okay we will work through it.

We did have a brief discussion around this time because I thought that maybe he was distancing himself from BS because I had done that with his kids and even though he had did the same, maybe he had a change of heart.

No, no everything is fine he says. Okay. But I did take this time to explain to him... please dont marry me if you dont want to be a family. And I understand its a difficult situation with your kids and I, but I want to make it clear that as of right now I dont want anything to do with your kids unless I see a change in them. I am ALWAYS open to things being better but I'm tired of putting myself out there and them stabbing me in the back and having ZERO support from you. Things have been good the past year, I dont want the marriage to change that and bring about expectations that we are now going to be one big happy family.

He said he agreed and understood.

So we get married. And right away he starts pushing the skids on me and for them to come over and stay the night (even though its been close to 2 years since they had last stayed the night)and for us to do holidays.

So of course I am mad and resentful. But I try to suck it up. Get a new attitude and try, try again (For like my 10th time) at trying to make the skid situation work.

Well I notice that the girl skids could care less and they havent changed. But I also notice that when they are around (which thankfully isnt very often) DH acts like an ass to me. (I posted a blog about this on Saturday). It's like he feels guilty for marrying me, because I dont like his kids or something?

So for the past 10 months that we have been married I think about our life.

My "complaints" that aren't even skid related:

*We dont do anything as a family.
*We dont do anything unless it revolves around drinking or watching TV.
*DH isnt very involved in my BS's life. Still feel like a single parent.
*I feel like we have nothing in common.

We are just kind of living together. Not fighting. But not really in love.

I believe that this is how his relationship with BM was. DH cant communicatie, he shuts down.

He goes through these phases of where he wont talk to me for a few days. Almost "punishing" me for whatever issue I tried to talk to him about.

And when he does talk to me, it's always that I am crazy. I am the one with the problem, he is just fine.

And I think he is just fine. DH would be 100% okay to just go through life "fine". Growing up he had a horrible life, so anything better then that is a good life. Married to BM was horrible, so anything better then that is good.

Now skid related, I just cant stand the thought of them. I feel like they are a black cloud over my life. And I just cant get past it. Even though nothing has really changed from them since we got married- as in they were jerks before and they are still jerks- but since we got married it bothers me MORE.

I am almost mad at myself for getting married knowing what I know.

Now before anyone goes into the whole "you shouldnt have married him if you didnt like his kids and it was already bad... blah blah blah". I obviously got married for the right reasons and went into it thinking I was doing the right thing. He has changed a lot since we have gotten married.

In some ways he has improved in areas that we had issues in. But when it comes to the skids and family relations and couple relations- 1 x 1 he has went downhill.

It's almost like "Oh I am married, now I dont have to do anything."

I have brought up counseling before and he refuses, since he thinks its ME that needs it and not him. But I dont think there is anything that a counseling is going to tell ME alone that is going to change how I am approaching our marriage and what I am doing in our marriage.

When I think of a life without DH I am sad. When I think of a life without skids I am beyond elated. I feel like they are the reasons for so many of our problems. Even though its also DH's fault. I do recogonize that.

Also his kids are older 21, 20, 18. 15. So it's not like I am talking about little kids that I cant stand.

Thanks for anyone who made it all the way through... just feeling really confused and sad and dissapointed.