Any of the girl skids living with me is a deal breaker. For all the exact reasons that you mentioned Katie.

(((HUGS)))

Good for you! Nothing irks me more than when DH goes against something that we have already agreed upon because the SKIDS want something. Mine are not major decision's like yours…yet.

My health has changed a lot since being a SM. I've gained weight, high blood pressure, depressed and extremely on the defense on protecting my home, my marriage. I've had to disengage and I have mounds of resentment towards DH, BM and skids.

I'm proud of you that you have stood your ground and are taking care of yourself!

I will add... I am all about a father being involved in his kid's life. Its obviously important.

However what are the reasons for the SD to want to live with her dad? Is it because it will be a better life? Is there trouble at BM's?

DH tried to pull the crap- well YSD WANTS to live with me....

Um okay... that is fine and dandy we all have WANTS. But who is going to be doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping for YSD while you are out hanging with your buddies, working side jobs, keeping distracted. It will be ME who is dealing with YSD and ME the most affected, all because of other's WANTS.

I seen how my DH "parented" his kids. I knew how it would go if any of the skids lived with us.

I would be the one that was left to actually parent, without really parenting (because ya know as a SM you cant really parent the skid), my whole life would change with YSD moving into our home and nothing would really change for DH.

I knew for a fact that he wouldnt step up with cooking and cleaning and shopping and parenting and spending more time at home where his daughter would now be living.

So when DH brought that crap to me that YSD now wants to live with her daaaaaddddyyyy because she WANTS to, I shut that shit down and gave him an ultimatium. ME or HER. Who do you want to live with?

If you want to live with her, I won't hold it against you at all and I would understand.

I did tell DH if he showed me he was ready to parent her and have her come live with us then I would reconsider, but where we are at no- HELL NAH!

^ this and there is something to this step-induced sickness. I have had health issues since stephood. Someone needs to look into this.

I have thought about this a lot and I have realized that I am EMOTIONALLY HOMELESS. Home is more than just a place to keep your stuff. You have to be able to keep your heart there, as well. You should be able to relax at home, not worry about judgement or being compared to somebody's birth mother, to be able to say what you think without fear of it being spied on and reported. You should have peace in your home. Unfortunately, I have no home.

Oh man I could have written this!! You took the words right out of my mouth!! I'm in tears just reading this, I know exactly how you feel!! I started going to a counselor last week. I am at my wits end. I cry everyday on the way home because I don't want to go home. I mean really what kind of life is that? I am miserable. We live in a house that was my DH fathers house, I used to think that was the problem with it not feeling like home but really it's not that, it's the fact that SD16 moved in with us 3 months after we got married. I don't think it would really matter what house we lived in, it's HER that is the problem. She is a spoiled brat who thinks she should be the woman of the house. Alot of this is her fathers fault, and alot of it is she is just like her mother, hense why she can't live with her mother cause they are just alike!! I wish you the best of luck. I know how important that having that "home" is and I hope you get the peace you deserve.

Katie, I feel so bad for your situation and suffering.Your dh should NOT have made this plan with you only to screw with it and involve sd. The really shitty part is that if your dh didn't allow sd to be his miniwife,you would probably like her and you might all be able to peacefully coexist. What the hell is your dh thinking!???

Katie,the health issues aren't going to get better until you get rid of this massive ball of stress you're carrying around.Trust me on this.I speak from experience.
Do whatever you have to do in order to get to a calm place that is emotionally safe. Once you do that I bet your issues all but disappear...they'll be greatly decreased at the very minimum.

I developed endometriosis,blood pressure issues,panic attacks,chronic fatigue,and major digestive malfunctions while being married to my ex and putting up with the parade of drama.

It came to a head when I had to get a hysterectomy in my 20's bc my high stress situation kept exacerbating my endometriosis.

Once I left and made my own sanctuary EVERY THING changed. I had people coming up to me telling me I looked 10 years younger.I felt 10 years younger too. Health issues were a thing of the past.

Good luck!!

This would be a deal breaker for me not matter which hat I wore. As a SM I refuse to have a unruly kid living in my home, so the marriage would be over.

As a BM I refuse to only see my child during the summer, so the marriage would be over.