Will I always dislike BM and my stepkids?
I have been married to DH for 5 years and with him for 8 yrs. BM and I get along cordially now, it wasn't always like that. It was your typical nightmare toxic BM scenerio for the most part. We barely started being cordial to one another about a year ago. We've come a long way. DH isn't bending over backwards for her anymore and doesn't entertain any of her bs like he used to. The interaction with my stepkids is better, it has come a long way too, however I still do not have a connection with them.
In a nut shell, my situation has really turned around to a managable situation in which I am not constantly angry and resentful. Although I am happy to report this, I still find that I do not like BM nor do I feel any connection with my stepkids. I really thought these feelings would subside but the truth is that they still exist. My guard is still up just in case any of them decides to start with their antics. I wish I didnt feel that way, I guess you can say I'm traumatized and jaded. Wondering if this will ever go away. Guess the past left a bad taste in my mouth. 
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Comments
The past will most likely
The past will most likely always leave a bad taste, it just does for most of us. I'm glad to hear that it seems your situation has had some improvement. If you feel it of any importance make a new effort to maybe try to have a relationship with the skids, maybe not so much the BM, just be civil for the sake of the kids, they can't help who the parents are.
If they don't feel to make a connection back, that's their loss. Sometimes in being the SM, you actually do get to be the "good guy"
My SD was a nasty bitch to me
My SD was a nasty bitch to me at age 9, after we took them in full time. I will never forget the things she said to me. I am cordial with her and do do things with and for her to a point, I'm always on my guard.
BM is just a POS and I will never think anything different. Any woman that is physically capable of raising their own kids, but doesn't fight for custody is a crappy Mom....even if she would have taken a year or year and half to get herself stable, no problem. We are going on 4 years of full custody now, and she hasn't even tried to be a Mother.
I wouldn't expect to ever
I wouldn't expect to ever like BM. If your interactions/relationship with the skids has gotten progressively better, then I'd just give it time. At least one of the books I read said you shouldn't expect to feel any family connection kind of stuff for at Least 7 years. So if its gone from hostile to cordial with the kids, just let it develop.
BM..... Personally I don't think there's any need to Like her. If you two are cordial, you're doing just fine.
You don't have to love or
You don't have to love or like SKs. They don't have to love or like you. All you owe them is respectful treatment. All they owe you is respectful treatment.
Same goes for you and BM. All either of you owe each other is civility and nothing more.
I will never think BM is not
I will never think BM is not a piece of crap. She could change her life & become the next mother theresa. She will still always be on the level of sh*t I've found on the bottom of my boot.
Regarding BM, any person my
Regarding BM, any person my DH felt the need to divorce is not someone I care about liking, lol.
SD28 and I just flat out can't get along, and I'm OK with that. I don't need to like her in order to be happy in my life.
About BM, I will never like
About BM, I will never like her, she is not a good person. The only reason I hope nothing happens to her, is for SD's sake.
As for SD, I feel so-so about her. I don't hate her, I don't love her. Like you, I am jaded when it comes to her. But I don't let it get to me. It doesn't bother me that I feel that way or that I don't have a deep connection with her. She has 2 kids and I feel no connection with them, either.
That's the thing you need to be ok with. It is what it is and just accept it. So what if you don't love them like your own or trust them completely? Like you said, you're interaction with them is better, you're not constantly angry and resentful, and that's a good thing.
My dad's wife refers to me and my sisters as "our daughters" (she didn't always). That's fine but I will never refer to SD as "our daughter" and that's fine, too.
Yes I should be greatful that
Yes I should be greatful that my situation isn't as bad as it used to be. I should also be okay with the fact that we are not a tight knit blended family.
It's not a bad thing that you
It's not a bad thing that you want that, but don't beat yourself up over the fact that it's not that way.
Sometimes, it takes more time than you think. When people are around me, my siblings, my dad and his wife, they would never guess what it was like the first 10 years or so, which was all kinds of hell.
I am in the same boat.
I am in the same boat. Married 5 (almost 6) years together for 8.i don't hate the skids. But I just can't seem to connect. Not that I'm trying super hard. I look forward to them leaving. I feel bad about it and wonder if things will ever be different/better. I just kind of roll with it. And try to find little ways to connect. Sometimes (most times) I don't connect, so I just don't beat myself up over it. Sometimes I think something is wrong with me that I don't really have a relationship with them. It's weird, but it works for me and I am happy not trying so hard and forcing things.
Im so glad others feel the
Im so glad others feel the way I do. I really dread when my SS is coming over. He takes over the house and my husband is fine with it or says he does not see it that way.
Sometimes I just want to stay in the room and veg when he is here but that upsets my husband. I cant seem to control the way I feel, when I Know its close to time for him to come over I get this dread feeling and I get angry.
I dont know what to do or how to control it. I hate feeling this way.