They go separately. SO with me and Jabba the Hut with her Michelin man. Jabba forbids the school from doing joint meetings. Same with therapists.

My ex and I don't do anything together. He left when I was 3 months pregnant with my first born.

I go to most of them solo, the elementary anyways. Which I Dont mind, I'm the one who keeps in touch with all of the teacher ps and counsellors. DH will go if there is something specific that needs to be addressed but he works all the time so I don't mind doing it. BM couldn't care less about grades and meetings.
DH handles the high schoolers meetings with teachers and/or guidance counselors. I am involved but just to know what they should be doing at home. Although, most of the time they have no homework. Their BM is the same.

Neither Bam has ever been to a conference. In the time I've been here, have never asked about them either.

I handle my bios. BF isn't involved at all.

With my ex, I go. In the beginning, he was invited, but he would never attend. So, I would email him with the information I received. After a while of lack of interest, I stopped sending him the information and he's never asked.

With my husband and his ex, they are both very involved. They attend conferences and school meetings together. I have no issue with this. They are the kids' parents. They should both be involved.

My skids school is freaking huge, so rather than "schedule" conferences they have a "Parent/Teacher night" twice a year. Parents could go and meet with whatever teachers they wanted, you just waited outside the classroom for the teacher to be free. (This is for general conferences. If there was a problem - failing, or behavioral issues, which we never had to deal with thank god - then parents could be called in for a specific meeting.)

I went ONCE. BM was there, so all of us met with teachers, mostly together. It was fine. My main problem is that not only do I consider education more important than BM does (by FAR), I apparently also valued it more than the teachers did. One of the English teachers literally told me that she would NOT correct SD's grammar because "if they don't know it by now, I can't help them." :jawdrop:

Nope, not my kid, no way am I getting into that mess. (They went to a horrible school, just terrible.)

Anyway, DH went to a few more of those nights, and I assume he met the teachers with BM. *shrug* It didn't - and wouldn't - bother me at all. I'm not any more uncomfortable with that than I am with his doctor seeing him naked, you know? It's just part of the job. Our BM isn't batshit crazy though, and more importantly, I ALWAYS feel like a team with my DH.

If it makes you uncomfortable though, talk to your DH. Not like, "This is so wrong" because in and of itself it's not. But tell him this is exceeding your comfort level for whatever reason, and could he maybe do individual meetings with the teachers for your sake?

SO and I attend all PTC. I have also attended a few alone. BM has been asked to come to all the PTC's but hasn't attended one since SS9 was in kindergarten.

BM goes to the school once a year. That's during the summer for registration.

My ex and I are hi conflict and we have done the last 2 parent teacher conferences together. He only sees BS7 EOW and never did homework when we were married or any of the school stuff. It stresses me out so much to have to go to this together that this is the last time I will do them together. He can schedule his own from now on. Any future GF or step mom can go with him for all I care. I am the one raising BS, I do all the work and based on his father's non parenting when BS is with him ( he sleeps on the couch and has the older 1/2 brothers do all the work) I should be the one doing all the work. If my ex wants to pretend like he is a good dad and maybe drag some poor deluded woman with him... I say go for it.

SO and I attended SS7's P/T conference in the Fall (our school only has one a year) and BM scheduled one on her own time. She actually emailed SO saying she signed "THEM" up for a conference at X time on X day. No, crazy lady. YOU can go on your own time and WE will go on our time. SO wanted to speak with the teacher about any behavioral differences she noticed when SS7 was on BM time (they have 50/50 custody.) I really wanted to be involved because education is extremely important to me and I truly think BM could give a shit (although she puts on a MOTY act whenever possible.)

Alternately, my parents (never married, not together, my mom had full custody and I only saw my dad twice a week, no overnights) did not go together. My mom always went and I think whenever my dad could "fit it in", he would try to go. I think he MAYBE went 2-3 times and that's being generous. My step-mom would not have gone as she was busy popping out/raising 4 children of her own with my dad.

There haven't been too many of these they had to attend. Most times DH is working so BM will go and will fill him in by text or call. When SS16 was picking his senior classes they went together but BM just sat to the side while DH and SS talked to them. She has no clue on what classes he needs for certain colleges.