Update- The cheater came clean

Hi, guys.

The conversation went exactly how I expected. The moment she sat down she said she was there to admit her wongs in my face. My heart sank.

1- All the texts the husband showed me actually exist;
2- They are not yet physically involved but spend lots of time together and have talked about a future together;
3- He was the one who persued her and she feels he gave her the strength to get a divorce;
4- She actually asked me if I was not coming back ever, so that they had a better chance.

I told her that he has done it before and will do it again. Him, mr. righteous, who, 2 days ago, told me he saw her as a male and loved me, despite all our problems, in a way he never thought possible and that would never love anyone like that.

The problem is that the woman asked me not to tell him that I have read the texts or she wouldn't show them to me; keeping that promise is important to me, as it's kind of a conduct rule I have. Without telling him what I read all he does is deny everything. He turned it on me; said that he couldn't believe after everything he had done for me in 5 years, I could be so unfair to him, bla, bla.

I feel sick, didn't sleep, the conversation was hard, yes, it will haunt me for some time, but at least I'm leaving knowing that, after all, I'm not losing the best person I've ever met.

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What really shocks me the

What really shocks me the most is his complete absence of guilt and the way he told to my face the only fault he has is being too close a friend with a girl. He will deny everything else and still act like Jesus Christ himself, flawless and pure as snow. I'm the bitch, her husband, her and myself are completely insane and he is a victim here.

That is great and works for

That is great and works for people with a conscience; nevertheless he has done it before, with BM, whom he left for another while she was pregnant and still today sees nothing wrong in that, as they didn't have sex before him leaving BM. As far as he is concerned, no sex, no guilt. This will never weight on his conscience!

I'm already leaving tomorrow.

So go out with a bang.

He cannot deny then, because

He cannot deny then, because the worst of the texts is exactly the one I used to confront him when her husband talked to me first and he plain denied it. There's no way around or excuse for that text in particular, that has been presented to me by 2 different individuals. One can't deny that.

Of course he can deny it.

Of course he can deny it. He's a cheater. He WILL deny any and everything.

****

Hmmmmm, I'm going to take

Hmmmmm, I'm going to take this another way - IS she telling the truth? Perhaps her asking you not to mention the texts to your husband is her way of keeping from him that she is making up shit?

It's the first thought that came into my mind when I read that (the don't tell him about the texts bit)

Apart from that, get yourself out of there as planned and move on, either way he is cheating emotionally and YOU were moving on anyway. Onwards and UPWARDS!

The texts are the same her

The texts are the same her husband showed me two days before. They are legit.

Is it possible to Doctor that

Is it possible to Doctor that stuff? Either way - she's lying about something - I think like Disney says further down.

yeah I know! Pollyanna wants

yeah I know! Pollyanna wants to believe the good ok.....

Do NOT enlighten me, I like being naïve!

2 different people would not

2 different people would not mess with the same messages in the same way. What I saw is the truth.

Bwahahaha ktq "off with his

Bwahahaha ktq "off with his penis" that is brilliant!

No saint I'm really sorry you are going through this,look after yourself.

I agree with Ditz,you do not

I agree with Ditz,you do not have to keep that promise.

Chances are she wanted you to make that promise because the two of them already discussed what she should say if you ever confronted her. She was suppose to tell you the same lie he's telling. Problem is he's lying to both you. He lies to you because he doesn't want you to leave. He lies to her because he wants to keep his side piece.

Sadly, she hasn't figured out(or won't accept )that she's just the side piece. So she told the truth hoping that it will push you out the door quicker. Once you're gone, she can hop over into your lane.

If he finds out that she didn't stick to the plan, he may tell her to go kick rocks. If that happens, she loses him. She already lost her husband. If this doesn't work out correctly, she she becomes the dumb ass who left her husband for a married man who didn't want her.

You keeping that secret is all about protecting her.

THAT is what I was trying to

THAT is what I was trying to say.

The "don't tell him" smacks of her not being truthful in some way.

She's his bit on the side, and wants to be the bit that's permanent, and YOU stand in her way. She's telling you this to get you gone. He probably is fucking her, but he still wants both - her on the side and YOU as his wife.

Fuck them both.

(see KTQ - NOT Pollyanna )

She came completely clean and

She came completely clean and her version matches exactly what her husband said/showed. This was not staged; she told the truth.

I've already told him she

I've already told him she spilled ALL the beans; just didn't say exactly what she said. I told him she admitted to everything and showed me the texts; just didn't tell him the content. He says we are all crazy and he is pure as snow.

I have no doubt she will be

I have no doubt she will be his next wife. Though I told her that a weak person like herself wouldn't last a year with him without being completely broken inside.

Exactly She didn't stick to

Exactly

She didn't stick to THE CODE. She must have skipped chapter one of the Sixe Chick Manual. "When confronted by the wife, you must deny everything. Always stick to the lie that your secret lover has laid out for you."

I can't understand why on

I can't understand why on earth he fixed the "date" between me and her (yes, it was him, at my request) and think it would work out fine. He was all smiles, super calm, when I got home.

But at least she's an asshole

But at least she's an asshole who looked me in the eyes and disclosed everything.

BECAUSE SHE WANTS YOUR MAN!!!

Thay are not fucking, from

Thay are not fucking, from what I could see; just planning a future together for as soon as I leave. They'll fuck on Monday.

Sorry, I deleted a post where

Sorry, I deleted a post where a user asked if I had cheated with SO on his previous girlfriend. No, I didn't even know him.

I didn't delete it on

I didn't delete it on purpose. I don't mind the question!

Are you serious????? He

Are you serious?????

He arranged the play date because HE TOLD HER WHAT TO SAY. She had a script to follow. But she's so desperate, she deviated from the plan. The side piece is supposed to be loyal (Chris Brown's song will be stuck in my head all day now).

What kind of a woman has the

What kind of a woman has the backbone/lack of it to lie in a situation like this because the cheater asks? Many, i know, but that's disgusting.

Men an women do it every day.

Men an women do it every day. Plenty of women out there only fuck married men. They are only I it for the sex and stuff they man gives them. They do not want a husband. They don't give a damn about spending holidays with him. They don't want to wash his funky undies or deal with him snoring and faring at night.

The side Chick knows that he is not husband material. She knows he can't be trusted. She doesn't mind playing with him but she doesn't want him. So yeah, she will lie if that is what it takes to keep her boy toy.

On the contrary, she's

On the contrary, she's completely smitten and believes he is marriage material; she just broke a 21 year relationship and has his mind set on him. She's the wife/mother type. She does want him. Her eyes sparkle when she talks about him.

You wanted the truth and you

You wanted the truth and you got it. Time to finish packing your stuff up and move into your new home. Ye, I know that even though you were leaving anyway, that this crap hurts anyway. No one deserves a cheating liar. You're better than all this and you 'owe' neither one of them anything.

Your DH is an ass, he's not going to come clean and admit anything. This woman and your DH are what society calls cheaters. They are not trustworthy and they don't care who they hurt and/or take down in their path. It's all about them and their wants and needs. Their feelings and oh yeah, excuse after excuse to try and justify their sneaky deceiving ways. Hell, if you manage to force a confession out of him he'll just turn it around and blame you for it. The old 'you made me do this because x and x and x. In reality, they feel no guilt nor shame.

I am truly sorry you have been hurt in all this. You don't deserve this type of behavior from someone you thought you could trust and love and have a future with. You can walk out that door today with your head held high and know that none of this is your fault....he is who he is and he isn't the guy you need and/or want to build your future with.

I remember you posting how your marriage was in a poor place prior to your surgery and how DH told you to go ahead and have the surgery and that he would take care of you regardless. Then you posted over and over how he did this or that or didn't do that or this and how alone and in pain you were. He had excuses for that bullshit too. Look, not only is the man a cheater, he also let you down at a time you really needed him to help you and be supportive. You deserve to go forth and live a happier life and to eventually find someone new that will treat you and honor you in the way a woman and wife should be treated.

Have a good cry and mourn what could have been if he had been the man he professed he was if you must, then move on with a clear guilt-free conscious.

Hugs to you and I wish you nothing but the best of wishes moving forward.

First of all, thank you for

First of all, thank you for the best wishes; I can use them!

Yes, he admitted to having a closer than he should strictly friendship relation with her and blamed it on me. He would blame anything else.

She never cheated with him.

She never cheated with him. He cheated on someone else WITH someone else. She met him some time after that marriage and that affair were over.

I was thinking this as well

No, I didn't even know him:

No, I didn't even know him: it happened with BM and another girl and we met 2 weeks after they broke up. What I meant is that he goes from one to the other in days, without a thought.

Consider yourself lucky that

Consider yourself lucky that this douche is out of your life now, so that it leaves you free to live your life and possibly find someone else who will make you happy, be there when you need them, and fulfill your needs.

My first husband had a deep emotional affair with someone else at the end of our marriage. He felt he did nothing wrong because he didn't do the deed. After the divorce, he told me what a mistake it was, that she was not worth it, etc. He did it to me, and I know for a fact he has done it to his now wife (not emotional affair partner). I would never say anything because it is no longer my problem and it would only make me look bitter. I am one of those rare breed non-conflict BMs.

She isn't getting a prize, and when you have freed him to be with whoever he wants, she won't be looking so golden. But then again after you leave him and the sting has worn off, you won't care and will most likely be relieved. It hurts right now, and you truly have my deepest sympathies.

Unless it somehow makes you

Unless it somehow makes you feel better, I'd tell. You don't owe loyalty to her. I'd make both their lives miserable, and if telling him about the texts messes her up, good!

As for the denial bit, that appears to be common. I've confronted my DH over lies with pictures he took that I found, and emails I've read, and he still denied. Any time I've ever confronted my husband about any sort of lie, he just turns things around and says everything is my problem, and doesn't care what I have to say. It's maddening. Any satisfaction I ever imagined proving to him that I know he is lying completely falls apart. It's so unreal.

Good luck moving on!! Congrats!

He is no longer worth her

He is no longer worth her emotional investment. She is going to leave anyways, being bitter will only hurt her, since he seems to have checked out a long time ago.

Like elsa says.... let it go!

Agre.. Not sure why so many

Agre..

Not sure why so many posters are so adamant on what she should and shouldnt believe and what she should or shouldn't do. Sounds like she's "fine" with how she is leaving things and is ready to move on. She knows her DH is a cheater (even if just emotionally)doesnt seem like she needs all the details or to go over them all or linger on them.

She's ready to be FREE!

You are here

Update- The cheater came clean

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