Reminder for me to keep my ears shut and my mouth closed....
DH and I are going on vacation and we will be seeing 2 of DH's sisters.
Of course they are going to ask about the skids.
I am really hoping that I am in the place where I can just ignore the conversation about the skids. I need to train my ears to not even listen to any conversation about the skids. And I defintely dont want to hear anything that may cause me to open my mouth. I know that DH sometimes leaves out facts about the skids and makes them look better then they are.
Example:
SIL: So awesome that MSD graduated HS when she had a baby so young.
DH: I know she is awesome and works so hard.
Zero: Well she actually didnt graduate. She dropped out with .5 credit to finish. Then didnt go to summer school to get her diploma. Then waited 9 months to get her GED. Not to mention she lied to DH that she was going to school when she really dropped out beginning of her senior year. And she also lied and was in cahoots with BM to collect CS from DH when MSD "was in school" when she really wasn't and she was 18 and DH shouldn't have been paying CS.
Prior I would feel the need when the skids situation was brought up, especially by in laws to point out all the wrongs of the skids in order to validate why the relationship between them and I is the way it is.
I have now come to an understanding, that it shouldnt matter what anyone else thinks. Or I dont need to prove that I am a good person just because I dont get along with the skids or that I am right.
I am the one living the life. In laws aren't around that often. And of course they are going to be objective when it comes to the skids.
I know why I feel the way I do and I am in every right to feel the way I do. I know I have tried everything and then some. I am okay with my feelings now. Before I wasnt always okay.
I know this visit with the in-laws will be a test.
I feel I have come a long way. In my perfect world I would just be able to continue to pretend the skids dont exist. In our day to day life, no one really asks about the skids and they aren't really around so its easy.
I guess I will just have to excuse myself to the restroom or something if the topic of the skids get bought up.
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Comments
Its a dry household. They
Its a dry household. They dont drink. BIL is a pastor. (not sure if all Pastors dont drink, I'm just assuming BIL doesnt drink because of this.
LOL! We will only be at SIL's
LOL! We will only be at SIL's house for 2 days. Before we get there we will be in another spot and after we leave we are going somewhere else. Both times will include lots of alcohol.
I did say to DH. Yeah know when we get to SIL's house we wont be able to drink. He was like uuuuhhhh. He drinks beer every day.... so we shall see how he deals.
Zero, the minute you here a
Zero, the minute you here a skid's name, say excuse me, and walk away. Hide out for a moment. If, when you walk back into the room the conversation is still on skids find something to do in the kitchen, bedroom or step outside for some fresh air.
I really need to work on this
I really need to work on this very issue! I know why I don't care for my skids..and they've given me every reason not to like them..However, when someone brings them up, I find myself trying to point out all their flaws. I've gotten better about it, by just walking away, but I'm still not quite where I'd like to be. Especially since the mature side of me knows that no matter what I say, other people think the skids still burp sunshine and fart rainbows, so my constant urge to point out there flaws, is like talking to a wall. So, I feel ya..but I've still got more work to do
I like this plan very much!
I like this plan very much! }:)
Oh I NEVER speak of skids
Oh I NEVER speak of skids unless forced to... even if someone said
Random relative/person: "Oh hey, DH how is SD17 doing in school?"
DH: "SD17 is doing awesome!!"
Daizy: [crickets]
I could really care less what glossy picture DH wants to paint of the losers, because in the end the TRUTH will always come out. No sense in having it come from me and adding to the Wicked Witch of the East band wagon.
If anyone ever FORCES me to answer a skid question? it's a simple answer followed by "I guess" so what I say can't be used against me for that band wagon crap mentioned above
Random relative/person: "How is SD17 doing at Aunt J's?"
Daizy: "Good, I guess"
I'm telling you! Adding "I guess" to the end of the sentence shuts people down pretty quick. Kind of like they are curious as to why I am not SURE, but too uncomfortable to ask. It really works wonders!
Daizy you are so good! Truly
Daizy you are so good! Truly you are my hero. I hope to get to this point 100%. I am getting there but I feel it will be a test when I see SILs and I hope it doesnt set me back. Stephell is like an addiction in some ways??? LOL
Oh my god... I think I'm your
Oh my god... I think I'm your DH! LOL! I have found myself.... glossing over certain facts to do with the SDs. (And sometimes DH corrects me!) (So I might say, "The older 2 are both in college and the youngest will be going in the fall!" Which sort of ignores the facts that MSD takes one class a semester and says that being a SAHM is her "job". And also is rather optimistic about whether YSD - who is 18 - will be allowed by her abusive HUSBAND - ick ick ick - to attend college at all.)
In my own case, I think I paint a rosier picture because I don't want anyone to think less of me for associating with this mess. It's not a mess of my making, but I allowed it into my life and it reflects on me. (Or at least *I* think it does!) So I don't tell people the worst of it, and try to make it out to be better than it is. Usually.
Girl! Its not your fault! Not
Girl! Its not your fault! Not your circus, not your monkeys
Zero, that description of how
Zero, that description of how SD finished HS made me LOL!! Damn...
LOL The thing is she is
LOL
The thing is she is normally super smart and she only had a half of credit to graduate! She was living with her BF's family, she wasn't really working and she couldnt even go to school to get a half of a credit? She wasnt even paying bills or anything. So its not like she had it bad.
Instead she opted to drop out??? Ugggghhh
The thing is, even if you
The thing is, even if you point it out so they "know" they just blame you anyway. Good idea on just keeping mum.