How to survive as a SM- Please feel free to add to this list

#1- Mind your own business.

Who cares about BM. Who cares what she does when she doesnt have the skids, how much money she spends on the kids, how many shoes she has,etc. Sure we can all gossip about it sometimes but dont let it affect your day to day life. As long as the skids are taken care of, dont worry about what BM is doing.

And if the skids aren't taken care of, then your SO needs to get custody of the skids. If you are okay with slamming BM for all of her faults as a parent, then your SO should be a real parent and take custody of the skids. If you then think, Hey I guess it isn't THAT bad, then quit your nit picking and bitching.

#2- Dont be a doormat. To your SO, to the skids, inlaws, BM. If they are just taking from you and you are getting nothing in return and miserable and upset, then that is YOUR problem. You are responsible for your own happiness.

If your SO is making you feel like shit because you aren't paying for his kids (while he is blowing his own money) or you aren't babysitting his kids, then maybe SO isnt the one for you. Unless you like being treated like that, then carry on, but quit bitching about it.

#3- Stop being so controlling.

No matter how big of assholes that your skids are, they are still your SOs kids. Let him spend time with them. Quit trying to control every.little.thing on the premis of the skids are assholes and you shouldnt have to deal with it. I agree. You shouldnt. But if your SO wants to, then let him. Kids cant go to funerals, parents cant take their kids to dinner, cant buy them a pack of gum, cant call them when they want without the SM butting in. If you have the need/urge/want/desire to control your SO on his relationship with the skids, then you have serious issues.

Okay, anyone else?

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4# Have a sense of humour. If

4# Have a sense of humour. If this is not possible drink your way to a sense of humour. You are going to need it often.

^^^THIS^^^

100% agree. A sense of humor

100% agree. A sense of humor has saved my sanity and marriage.

I was agreeing more with the

I was agreeing more with the drinking part. LOL

I have issues with #1. I do

I have issues with #1. I do tend to nit pick BM's awful parenting and how she spends all the CS on herself and not her kids but I do know that I don't want DH to get custody either, so yes, I should just mind my damn business. I don't really say anything to DH about my findings or opinions, it's mostly to satisfy my own curiosity.
I won't lie and will admit that I get an actual kick out of seeing what a horrid, awful mother this woman is. I'm kind of mesmerized by it actually. ESPECIALLY when I see people commending her on what an amazing mom she is! Fascinating… Truly...

It's like being a bunny on

It's like being a bunny on the train tracks watching the lights come for you and not running. Alas I refuse to nit pic. I stopped being the bunny. She sucks bum at being a mother. We made two plays for custody and lost one way or another. The first my SO decided to settle, his mommy said he must. The second our court system refused to accept the filing unless we went back to high court at excessive cost. Now I go with the flow and only get my girlie panties in a wad when it affects my home life. Hers are her problem.

This is not a debate. #1

This is not a debate. #1 stands as is Ha ha totally joking.

Its like a Catch 22.

I know for YSD, in some ways I think that DH and Me (Mostly me) could give YSD a way better life if she lived with us. We would be able to give her more tools for how to be a sucessful adult and how to be respectful and work hard and be a good person and a contributing memeber of society. I KNOW we could do that and do it better then BM.

BUTTTTT I dont want to do that for YSD because so much more comes with it. Its so much more complicated.

#1 is really meant for the SMs who bitch about every little thing but then bitch when the skids come for visits and hate the skids. They hate how BM parents, think their SO is so much better but then have no interest in doing any of the parenting themselves.

I completely get it and I

I completely get it and I agree that you can't have one without the other. I don't hate my SD, she's not a bad kid, she has really bad manners but that is her parents fault. BOTH her parents. She is respectful towards me and follows my rules, so I can't ask for anything more. I too know that she would have a way better shot at being a productive adult if she lived with us, but I don't wanna do it. It's not my job to save her.

You would step up to help

You would step up to help her, I know that 100000x.

Some SMs complain about BM but then wouldnt step up to help their skids.

If I ever thought that YSD was in danger in BM's care, I would put all of my feelings aside and step up to help her.

Oh absolutely, but I would do

Oh absolutely, but I would do it because of how much I love my DH and because my Dh has been instrumental in helping me with MY BS17. You have to give to receive and my DH has given my BS more love, guidance and support than his own bioodad. I can't ever repay him for that, so if it came down to us getting custody of SD14, I would do it for him.
He deserves that. And he already knows that I am no joke and that things would have to go MY way or all bets are off.

gigglesnort SO parents

*gigglesnort* SO parents better *gigglesnort* Okay to be fair he does not drink a bottle of wine a day then write trollish illegible emails, call me a whore for birthing children out of wedlock (which she did too!) and then insist Chucky call other people mommy/ daddy.

I know I struggle with #1. I

I know I struggle with #1. I am really working towards not caring what she does and just caring about my own damn life and happiness and not wasting my thoughts or emotions on North Korea (my nickname for her). I just picture myself as Sarah in Labyrinth and I am in big frilly 80's dress and I've made it to the end and she's a hideous Gobin King and I say, "You have no power over me!"

Anybody and Everybody can

Anybody and Everybody can discipline Chucky as long as Jabba doesn't have to.

I discipline my Skids and DH

I discipline my Skids and DH disciplines my Bio. The rules are the rules for EVERYONE in our home and no one is allowed to break them. If they do, they get dealt with accordingly by WHOMEVER witnesses the behavior. We are the PARENTS of all the kids even though we do not have any children together.

#6- I think its healthy for

#6- I think its healthy for kids to see their parents agure every once in awhile as long as it's not nasty, screaming, name calling,etc. It shows kids that people can have conflict and then later work it at.

But with the skids, I totally agree. They will use that against you 1000X. And try to use it to their advantage.

YES Rutherford, #6 #6 #6 #6

YES Rutherford, #6 #6 #6 #6 #6

DH hit my last straw with this 2 weeks ago and I was ready to go packing.
He argues in front of the children and says way STUPID stuff and I know that SD repeats it to BM, and that's why BM is ALWAYS testing boundaries and trying to "get back together with DH"

I just put my foot down on it, next time DH tries it, we will be reviewing paperwork with the lawyers.

Not gonna stand for it EVER again!

Thank you for #6 !

#7. Set your boundaries

#7. Set your boundaries BEFORE entering a relationship or as soon as you realize you need them. Have enough self respect to put your foot down and say 'I will not accept this in this relationship' and stick to it.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS If

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

If you dont have self respect or feel good about who you are as a person, I dont think you can survive being a SM.

#7 Buy the shoes! ALWAYS

#7 Buy the shoes! ALWAYS Buy the shoes!
#8 NEVER put skids on your cell phone contract. NEVER

^THIS^ And #1. That saved my

^THIS^

And #1. That saved my sanity.

>- Don't lose yourself, keep

>- Don't lose yourself, keep your own activities and friends too.<

OMG THIS!!!

The amount of times SS has hogged my DW's attention and hijacked her would have driven me bat-shit crazy by now. Fortunately I have TONS of hobbies and interests to keep my mind off things.

I 100 percent agree with this

I 100 percent agree with this list!

These are my rules

- I now only care about my relationship with my husband, my kids (bios w/dh) relationship with my husband, and my relationship with my bios.

- DH is to keep all BM drama out of our lives. He is not to involve in our lives at all.

- If BM can't keep her emotions and drama in check, then we will go about our lives and unfortunately her kids will not have a productive relationship with our family because of her actions. We will not be a part of her emotional abuse now or ever.

- It is not my responsibility to facilitate a relationship with skids. That is up to him and it is not my fault that he divorced an emotional, bitter wreck.

Couldn't agree with you more!

Sally I love these: Accept

Sally I love these:

Accept that people have different ways of raising their kids/personalities and accept that you will never be the skids mother, blood is thicker then water.

You started dating Hubby/Dh/SO because of the person you saw through his eyes, why let skids ruin it?
you did not start dating your DH to become your skids mother

******************************

So true!

10. Don't buy the skids

10. Don't buy the skids Nutella.

(No subject)

OMG this is a major one in my

OMG this is a major one in my house and DH goes postal when BS17 uses our shower. He FINALLY stopped and uses his own bathroom, but it took a LOT of bitch outs for him to FINALLY stay out of our bathroom.

It's unbelievable that an

It's unbelievable that an ADULT can't keep a KID out of their bedroom or bathroom. UNLESS, the adult doesn't really want to because it will hurt the kid's feelings.

This was a very irritating issue in our home when we first moved in together...I just had to stay on FDH's ass and explain shit to him.

Is that for the skid? If it's

Is that for the skid? If it's for you, how on earth will you drink wine with your mouth duct-taped??

Thank goodness!! You had me

Thank goodness!! You had me worried for a minute! I'd like to know if they make uber-sticky duct tape. The skids are hairy. Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!! }:)

I cant hide my food in my

I cant hide my food in my undies drawer, MSD steals my undies!

WHAT!?!?! And I get pissed

WHAT!?!?! And I get pissed when Thunderfoot steals my tshirts....

Get this. My girlfriend time

Get this. My girlfriend time me that she found out her SS13 is taking her bars and panties and keeping them in his drawers.....happened several times now. Ewwwwwwwwwwww

BAHAHAHAHAH!!! Love this!

I so agree! I can not handle

I so agree!

I can not handle the SMs who bitch bitch bitch about their skids, yet their own bios are perfect.

All kids are assholes.

blink My bio's aren't

*blink* My bio's aren't perfect? You're mistaken. I NEVER have to punish or raise my voice, she always does her homework, has never had a toilet accident. Everyone loves her and she's never snuck a sweet behind my back.

I had one of those weeks

I had one of those weeks recently where I wanted to Velcro my daughter to a wall and duct tape her mouth closed she was so damn cheeky No one's child is perfect. That was me being silly. My humour is a bit odd at times.

Agreed!! I love my bios to

Agreed!! I love my bios to the moon and back...but they can be a couple of real horse's asses, despite my best efforts at disciplining them. They're pretty good most of the time..but I do have a 14 year old and as many people say, teenagers suck! He's transformed from an intelligent sweet little guy, to a lazy, "i don't give a crap about my grades, I know it all" "my parents are stupid" monster! Needless to say, he's spent a lot of time being grounded lately..but I'm still obviously doing something wrong..the attitude is a little better..but the grades at school..UGH! I guess it's time to save money up for a math tutor lol..and my 10 year old...he has become a mouthy pest..seems to have forgotten how to entertain himself from time to time..I think one reason people don't wanna believe that their kids are asses, is because it's a reflection on their parenting..oh hell I don't care..I'm not perfect either..I'm sure there's things I do wrong as a parent..but I learn new things everyday, and all I can hope for is that what I have taught my bios will turn them into productive members of society when they grow up

12. Never give your heart to

12. Never give your heart to a stepchild the way you would your own. Sooner or later they will rip it out and shit in the bleeding chasm.

Good think I don't have a

Good think I don't have a heart. }:)

^^^ YEP ^^^ Not gonna do

^^^ YEP ^^^

Not gonna do that! #12 cuz I can already see the forest for the trees!

#13: BLOCK BM on your cell

#13:

BLOCK BM on your cell phone! No calls, no texts, No emails, let DH deal with the crazy ball of madness he reproduced with!

#14 If they haven’t

#14 If they haven’t discovered warp drive technology, never interfere with a civilizations natural evolution..

WOOPS forgot to edit…

If he hasn’t figured out that the sun doesn’t rise in the south and can barely make use of kitchen utensils, don’t correct him or help him. Just let him go on his merry way and watch the comedy unfold.

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How to survive as a SM- Please feel free to add to this list

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