Some children will always defend the "real" mother...No matter how much HELL she has put them through...

Never the real mom. Never real. Never.

Tears. Tears. Tears.

On an up note, my son-in-law was adopted and he (and his adopted siblings who come in every colour of the rainbow) viewed their adoptive mom and dad as their REAL parents. Of course this was way back when. My son-in-law is 35 years old.

There's always ONE that refuses to roll far from the tree.

In time BM will show her true colours. She cannot have changed THIS much. Because DD is now older and can 'understand' the 'stress' BM was under. In time this will all fall apart. And Janet and her husband will have to draw their line in the sand for this girl. I am thankful the other kids didn't drink that same kool-ade.

I agree. My friends niece is like this. She was adopted at 3 years old, her sister was 4. Nobody was really sure what was done, but both girls were on bottles and alchohol was put in the bottles, to make them easier to deal with. Both girls teeth were rotten, lots had to be pulled. Including the younger girls two front teeth. They had to be semi toothless waiting for permanent teeth. This was dental care they received after the adoption, the dentist and tooth removal. They were left alone for days at a time on a regular basis according to neighbors.

So everything seemed normal when they were first adopted at 3 and 4. Everything seemed normal all through elementary school. They had friends, got good grades, etc. the oldest started running away in high school, now she is 21 and a home less drug addict. The younger girl started getting into fights with other girls, spreading horrible rumors, spreading online rumors which she was caught, stealing from other girls. Phones and random items she would regularly come home with that for a long time she borrowed. She somehow managed to graduate. She got kicked out of college. She was harassing and stalking a girl, who "stole" her boyfriend. This girl worked she was stalking worked in the cafeteria.she would get whole trays of food and dump them knowing the other girl would likely have to clean them. She would follow her around campus. She would spread rumors such as she was a slut,,how many guys she slept with. She was asked to leave college. Then she shortly after that met a guy in the military and married him 5 months later. They live on base thousands of miles from her parents, she is 20. I hope for the best, but this can't possibly end well.

Those early years do matter, and if they are extremely abusive and/or neglectful the person will not be right ever. With some exceptions of course,

Another sad thing that happens in these situations is the birth parent TRIES to get the kids on drugs. I have a retired client who told me this- she volunteers as the "supervisor" in supervised visits. She catches the parents telling the kids how great crack is, and one parent was arrested trying to palm her 12yo a rock. I wouldn't have believed this if she hadn't told me. I'm Catholic, and I think every soul is brought into the world for a reason, but sometimes I really wish certain people were sterile!