Awful Adult StepChild Taking Our Home

Hello, I am new here and I would like some help and advice from you please. I am having an awful time with my one stepdaughter and don't know how to solve it.

I married my husband in last year. He has three daughters and I have two sons and a daughter too.

My husbands two daughters are rather cool with me. Not rude or nasty, but treat me distantly. I have never done anything to them to be treated badly. There mother died three years ago and their Dad (my husband) lived pretty much on his own. We met and at our age - early. 60's - it's nice to have found love and companionship again. My kids are happy for us because my husband is a good man. His middle daughter is something else. She refuses to acknowledge my existence! She talks to her Dad, but has never so much as asked after me or even attempted to meet me.

Middle child is 35 and is lives in another state. She has always been close to both her parents. She is a career driven, money hungry woman, only concerned with her job, which is quite good. She and her husband have no children (except their dogs). I see the emails she writes her Dad. NEVER does she mention me. My husband will write back to her telling her about us or talk to her on the phone or on FaceTime, but this child refuses to acknowledge me.

She didn't even come to our small wedding. Granted, it was during the time she and her husband always go abroad for their annual vacation but she could have just once postponed her trip and celebrated with her Dad. No! Missy has to go on vacation and ignore us. She is such a bitch, there is nothing about her that has womanly compassion. I wonder how her husband puts up with her!

This middle daughter owns our home. It was their family home while growing up. Because her Dad and I live here, she has now decided to sell the house. Nevermind that her sisters are welcome here and spend time with her Dad here, she has informed her father that she intends to sell the property. It's a beautiful big old house and it feels like because I moved in and replaced her mother, the house must be sold. She says she wants to get her Dad a smaller more manageable condo and my husband likes the idea. His daughter will buy my husband - not us! - a new home, and she will even let him choose the estate that he prefers. My husband is all for this! He won't listen to me that I don't want to give up the beautiful home we have together. He won't tell his daughter NO!

This woman, his daughter doesn't even know me. She won't meet with me. Her Dad is ok with this. Now she wants to disrupt our lives by selling our home. I don't know why she is so difficult and why she won't let me be a part of her life. It makes me sad.

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It's not my husband. His

It's not my husband. His daughter sold him the idea of living in a condo. He says it's her house, she can do what she wants with the property. He says its nice of her to buy him a new condo. She doesn't have to do this, it feels like the only reason she is selling is because I live here now. He knows I am not happy about this, but he is agreeing with his daughter. He always lets her do whatever she wants and it makes me angry!

" He won't listen to me that

" He won't listen to me that I don't want to give up the beautiful home we have together. He won't tell his daughter NO!"

Uh, you and Dh don't have a beautiful home together. For whatever reason it ended up his daughter OWNS this house. It's hers to sell. It's her to rent out to whoever she wishes...it just so happens you are not who she wishes to live in it.

What happened to the idea that you and DH should buy your own house together and to hell with what you're SD wants? Why would he want her to buy him and/or you and him a new house? She'd own that one too.

When you and your DH purchase your own home you and DH get to do and live where you two please. It sounds like Daddy is quite content to let this daughter call the shots and pay the bill for him. Only one has a problem with it is you. So how did you get tied up in this mess?

Until the house part I was going to say, so? If the SD lives states away and minds her own business leaving you alone, why care if she wants anything to do with you. Why should she ask after you. She's never met you and has no intentions of doing so. *shrugs* Whatever is going on with the house situation was obviously arranged between her late mother and father before you married this man. So it's not like you didn't know who owned the home when you married and moved in. Frankly, I doubt you're real, but that's really neither here nor there. Same as if you were, my advice is BUY YOUR OWN HOME. Problem solved.

Trouble is, it's her house so

Trouble is, it's her house so she can do whatever the hell she likes with it - even if it is out of spite. My question is WHY does she own the house? Did your husband, her father, have debt problems and she bailed him out? Quite frankly, he should turn down her offer of buying him a condo as she would still be the owner and could at any point decide to sell that too. The two of you should buy your own place (if you can't buy her out of the current property) and if you can't afford to buy somewhere then you should rent somewhere (completely independent of her).

She offered to buy a condo so

She offered to buy a condo so that we don't eat into our retirement savings. The title deed will be in my husband's name only so then it's not her house.

I find it hurtful that she doesn't even want to get to know me. Some people can brush things like this off but I don't feel I can.

I am not certain why you doubt I am real. I would not have asked for advice if this was not my problem. I don't feel comfortable discussing this with my friends and I don't want to burden my own children with this. I do have my pride and want some privacy too.

She owns the house with the

She owns the house with the complications around estate and inheritance tax. When his wife passed, my husband decided to sell the house. His daughter bought it at fair value or market price so that the house wouldn't get caught up in his estate when he passes. It also helped him with his retirement savings. She let him remain in the home even though she owns it.

There was no shady dealings with the sale of the house.

You and me both sister. I

You and me both sister. I here the ice forming. Lol

STEP, I was with you until

STEP, I was with you until the last paragraph. LOL

Husband had to provide for his wife on his dime, not his daughter's. If he wants to ensure his wife has a home once he dies (as he should), then they should be the ones paying for it, not his kid.

THIS The daughter isn't doing

THIS

The daughter isn't doing anything wrong. She allowed the OP to live in HER house and will all the OP to move into HER condo. I don't believe for one second that the the daughter will be dumb enough to put her father's name on the new condo.

While I do get her not

While I do get her not wanting to meet you or come to your wedding could be hurtful to dad, I fail to see what it has to do with you. He raised her to have little respect for him or his choices that's on him and her.

The house is hers - she can do what she wants with it. If you don't want to live in a place you don't own or have a say it - then don't. Buy your own, rent, etc.

You are Dad's wife; you aren't anything to her. As long as she's not disrespectful to your face, and since she hasn't met you - she isn't. Leave it alone. Meeting her won't change it. She doesn't want anyone taking mom's place & that is how she sees it & dad is okay with her disrespecting his choice not to be alone.

Ha ha, yeah, that's why she

Ha ha, yeah, that's why she did it.

Did you have your own house

Did you have your own house before marrying your DH? Did you know before you moved in that the house was in the daughter's name?
I'm just curious because there is no way in hell I would move into a house that neither me nor my husband owned and could be sold out from under me at any time.

At least the condo will not be in her name. Would your DH be willing to add your name to the deed at some point? Or at least set something up so that you have a place to live if something should happen to him?

As far as her not wanting you to be a part of her life, that's her choice but it's pretty disrespectful to her dad to not even acknowledge that you are a part of his life. But, apparently he is okay with her acting like this.

I understand her loyalty is

I understand her loyalty is to her father. She doesn't know me.
It feels like she thinks she is better than everyone because she has money. I don't understand why she won't have me as part of her life. Her sisters say that she is a nice person, but has always been headstrong and willfull.

Many of you echo my husband: it is her choice. He won't speak to her about her behavior. Even if she is an adult, it is disrespectful to me and my husband.

She hasn't even visited him yet this year, but will be here at the end of the month to talk to her Dad about the condo. She is welcome to stay in our home but chooses to stay in a hotel. It is not like she is not welcome to stay with us. I did not think about the new condo reverting to her if my husband died before me. I am sure that she is spiteful enough to do that and then I would be homeless. Thank you for mentioning this important point.

I did not have my own home when I met my husband. I was living with my daughter and her family. I don't have the cash to buy a new house, but can rent one if I need. My own retirement saving are limited.

The OP's main point is that

The OP's main point is that she doesn't want to move out of the home that her and her husband now live in, she doesn't want the daughter to sell it. How does that equate to being a gold digger?

She is calling the beautiful,

She is calling the beautiful, big home hers. She is saying the daughter should not have the right to sell it even though she owns it. She is saying she can't believe her husband won't tell her no to sell the home. The home the daughter owns mind you.

THIS THIS THIS

The home the daughter owns

The home the daughter owns mind you.

Exactly, the daughter owns the house (which is OP's and her husband's home, as they live there) so just because OP does not want the house sold, she's a gold digger?

She has nothing to gain monetarily if the daughter does not sell, and OP and husband continue living there, which is all that she wants. No gain for her, except to keep living in the house that she and her husband call home.

The condo is a separate issue and if the deed is going to be in her husband's name, whether he decides to later add her to it or whatever provision is made (or not), is between husband and wife.

It's not the OP's house. The

It's not the OP's house. The daughter owns the house they live I , she gets to decide what to do with it.

The OP doesn't get a say in this.

I admit HRNYC way with words

I admit HRNYC way with words may not be the best. She has a valued point. I will not look to OP as a gold digger. She is NOT being open minded. If the roles were reverse with her living in her daughter's home, would she think it was right for her daughter to keep her money tided up in a home where her widowed spouse was living in? I do not think so.

How big and how old is this home? A bigger house is more costly to keep up. If the roof needs replace, who is paying for that? Is it daddy or the daughter paying for upkeep of this house too? The condo may not have anything to do with OP. With a condo, there is less cost in upkeep and no yard to mow.

It sounds like daddy is spoiled by his daughter. You think she is a money hungry woman.

My DH had a little 2 bedroom house with NO central A/C or heat. He had let the inside go to shit. He got 35k for it when he sold it. I worked like a dog cleaning it out. My DH moved into my home that was paid for before we married. Did I put DH name on the title, HELL NO! Why would I, so I would have to buy out his kids...should he die before me.

I know one think for sure, my SKIDS like the finer things in life. Those finer thinks does not include putting a roof over DH's head WITH OR WITHOUT me. Your DH is spoiled. Your SD is not the problem. Your DH is the problem. I know we hate to hear that. We all like to think our DHs are NOT the problem. It is not always the SKIDS who are the bad guy.

It is not her job to care for

It is not her job to care for you in case your husband passes before you. It's not her job to provide you with a home right now. You are a guest in her home. It is what it is. You need to stop thinking about how his child can take care of you.

Thank you. Yes, I do have a

Thank you.

Yes, I do have a better life with my husband, but I did not marry him because of money. I was comfortable before him and could pay my own way, even if my living was more modest.

He can give his children all the money he has if he wants to. It makes me feel like a part time toy to keep him company until he dies and then I am nothing. I sincerely doubt his other two children will treat me like that. Although, not overly friendly, they are kind and cordial ladies with their own families. I spend time with them at their homes or when they visit with my husband and me.

I work at a charity and do volunteer work. I don't need to earn money to survive. If I want to live at my husbands level (on my own) I would need a job. My saving are enough for a nice rental and food on the table, and maybe the odd luxury or two. I am 62, I don't see myself going back to work and playing 9-5 with the young ones.

Maybe it will be a good idea if at some point my name goes on the title deed, my husband can talk to his daughter about this, or we rent a small place together. It won't break the bank to do this and it gives me some security.