How sick is this.....
Not only is BM an evil, PASing narcissistic/sociopath/borderline. BM sleeps with SS11 every night. They're like lovers cuddled up together every night. Poor SD12 has to listen to them giggling and talking away each morning and night.
Honestly how fu*%ed up is that!?!?
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that is realy messed up. Even
that is realy messed up. Even where I live, the state says that children, even toddlers, require their own sleeping space and usually bedroom. She's one messed up lady.
Your DH should report this to
Your DH should report this to CPS.
I would think so too but if
I would think so too but if she's not actually being sexual won't CPS just say they can't stop a mother being affectionate with her child?
The other thing is SD told
The other thing is SD told me, so BM will know it came from SD and will punish poor SD. We've known about this for a few years but thought they'd grow out of it.
I work with a guy who told me
I work with a guy who told me that his GF's 15 year old son would still sleep with her AND that he walked around the house naked more often than not. WTF??? That is some seriously fucked up shit right there. The kid thankfully got pissed at mommy last year and moved a state away and now lives with his father and SM. Hopefully there is hope for him to be "normal" now.
Oh, and this guy told me that he used to take showers with the kid when he was like 11, "oh he has always been really small and immature for his age" was the excuse I got when I told him that was fucked up.
That's really screwed up, I
That's really screwed up, I wonder how many BMs out there do this....
Enmeshment, is that what the
Enmeshment, is that what the term is for this? The boy is mature for his age. One minute BM treats him like a baby and the next she is treating him like her replacement husband involving him in grown up issues, court dates etc. Shes really screwing with SS's head. He's totally PASed against me. Spies on me when he's at my house, tries to go through my things, secretly records me and videos me on his phone.
I would DEF call someone or
I would DEF call someone or have DH. It sounds like this kid needs an advocate. I lived in my grandparents house with my mother growing up when I was 13ish and my mother would leave us with her father when she went to work. He loved to "cuddle" in bed with me. I was very sheltered and didn't know at the time that the way he was towards me and the places he wanted to put his hands when we "cuddled" or slept next to each other was completely inappropriate and sexual assault. All I knew was that it always made me SUPER uncomfortable and I wanted to escape him any means necessary. My mother refused to accept that anything was wrong despite what I told her and so my torture endured for over a year. I was lucky it never progressed past what it did, but I would have killed for someone to believe that I was uncomfortable and to jump in and save me. I have trust issues to this day because of it. Jump in and PLEASE either be, or beg your DH to be an advocate for this boy. Even if he doesn't understand now, when he's old enough, he will thank you.
That's exactly what she's
That's exactly what she's doing.
But what should DH do about it?
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. That must have been awful. SS is totally smitten with BM, I'm not sure he would be receptive to an offer of help. He's totally in cahoots with BM and loves that BM gives him power over his older sister. SD is 12 and is totally alienated from BM because of her favouritism of SS. BM punishes her daughter for anything but let's get son get away with most things. SD hides in her room the whole time at the moment to avoid BM. SD even asks to come over to DH and my house, which is amazing considering how things were last year with both skids trying to refuse to come over during DH's visitation weekends. DH had to get the police involved 11 times and BM is charged with contempt of court for custody interference. The court date it coming up soon.
I'm thinking anything I do to try and help SS will not be welcomed as he loves sleeping with his mother.
He may be 11, but he is too
He may be 11, but he is too young to understand how inappropriate and messed up this relationship is ... he won't understand until he's older and that could lead to resentment of you and/or DH. I understand how hard it is to stir the pot ... but this relationship seems incredibly inappropriate.
The kid is going to turn into
The kid is going to turn into Norman Bates!
Norman Bates.....god don't
Norman Bates.....god don't say that, this kid might be in my life for the next 50 years!!
Seriously messed up. Our
Seriously messed up. Our situation was the same..only SD11 was sleeping in her Dad's bed and was elevated to adult status. She would order SS10 around ("SS..put some chips on a bowl and bring it out for us all to eat".. "SS please bring me a drink..".. and so on and so forth. She was allowed to get away with this by disney dad SO.
Earlier in our relationship, SO and I had a few fights because I found this site, and sent him info on "emotinal incest" etc.. which got him into super defensive mode. It was only after we started seeing a counsellor that he realised he was damaging his daughter and being completely unfair to his son. This helped him step up.
I would report this to CPS if I were in your shoes. Looks like BM doesn't see it and is going to emotionally damage both her kids due to this. Actualy, get your DH/SO to report it as he is their Father and needs to put a stop to it as it is extremely inappropriate.
All your comments have given
All your comments have given me lots to think about, especially MumandSMofSix thank you I hadn't realised how bad this was for SS. But what you told me made total sense. I talked to DH about all your responses last night and he was a bit shocked reading up about how damaging emotional incest can be. With the contempt of court charge coming up against BM, We're going to recommend that the court make BM take the kids to mandatory counciling and I'm also talking to the Guardian Ad Litem (who worked on their original custody case) to ask her if I should go to CPS.
I would go to CPS in an instant if I wasn't so concerned for SD. BM will punish her so much for telling me. BM is already making SDs life a misery, they've always had issues but now SD is early teens it's getting worse.
I'll let you know what the outcome is.
It's not physical abuse so I
It's not physical abuse so I have to check how I go about this before I report it. That's why I've asked the ladies on the site.
I'm waiting to hear back from the Guardian Ad Litem, left her a message this morning. I'll keep everyone updated on what happens.