Growing so tired!
I am so tired of my fiance when it comes to his oldest daughter, she's such a little brat.. but no matter how much I try to get him to do something about the results are the same "NOTHING". She is so selfish and hateful, but he allows this behavior! Her younger sister is so well behaved, but I am afraid that she is going to begin mimicing her big sister once she realizes that it works on Daddy... The BM disciplines her when she misbehaves, but she is always threatning not to let him see the kids if he doesn't do what she wants when she wants. She is always going out clubbing and drinking so shes always sending the kids around to God only knows who, but never talks to him about it. He lets the oldest have her way all the time and shows her no discipline for it..
-She throws garbage everywhere but the trashcan just for the mere fact that she knows her dad won't say anything about it.
-If you are showing attention to anyone but her she screams so loud people think we are killing her..
-She's constantly falling out screaming and yelling, throwing temper tantrums over the littlest of things when we are in public to the point where I avoid going out with them if I don't have to, because it is so embarrassing.
-He is always showing favortism towards her but he will not really spend time with the youngest one and if she does anything the older one doesn't like; he will cuddle her and play with her practically isolating the younger one.
-He allows her to be a picky eater and encourages her to do whatever she wants...
-She slaps me and kicks me among many other things and he just sits back acting as though nothing happened.
These girls used to be over here everyday from 7 am until the latest of 2 am in the morning but now are only over here on the weekends because of his lying BM wanting child support even though we do the most work for them. They are now over here every weekend from friday morning until monday night. When she is not here we are the happiest couple and we enjoy each others company, but when she comes here all we do is fight and argue because he refuses to discipline her afraid that his BM will not allow him to see her again. When I try to have a one on one talk with him about this he just tells me that I am jealous and just want to make everything about me which just leads to me not wanting to be involved. I want him to understand that I am genuinely trying to help him better hiself as a father. I do all of the cooking and cleaning, I change their diapers and give them baths when they are here so that he can focus on his school (online) but he doesn't even do his work. I am going to school for my RN and working full time, so the only time I am off is Saturday and Sunday. I am so exhausted and tired of this same routine, I feel used and abused.. I feel like he is taking me for granted. I love this man with all of my heart and I feel so bad that we are so much happier when his daughters aren't here. I want us to be a happy family and I want to marry this man he is the love of my life but this is too stressful on me.. WHAT SHOULD I DO PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I don't want to lose the love of my life because of his daughter.. that's really his only flaw.
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What should you do? Stop
What should you do?
Stop taking care of his kids for him. If you've only got the weekends to study, then head out to the library and study there. That way, your weekday evenings are when you see your boyfriend, and since no kids will be there, you'll have more good times.
Stop trying to get him to improve as a parent. He hasn't improved because he doesn't want to. He knows you want the best for him, he knows you love him. He just doesn't want to do anything difficult, like change how he parents his kids.
Get some counselling to help you decide if you want to go ahead with a wedding. I wouldn't marry a guy that I could see was a bad parent, who favoured one kid, who refused to listen to me or respect my views, and who expected me to take care of his kids when I'm just as busy as he is. I wouldn't believe he loved me, I'd think he wanted to have fun and sex and help with the kids, not a relationship with a future. I would be afraid to have a kid with him, because I'd know the one daughter would be the favourite and that would be very sad for my kid.
You can love him and still leave him to find a guy who will cherish and adore and respect you.
So this guy is playing school
So this guy is playing school while you work, go to school and take care of his kids.
You do know where this is heading, right?
He's going to keep playing school until you graduate and are earning a great salary. He will talk you into marrying his sorry behind and having a kid or two. Then he will stop plaYing school and just sit on his ass doing what he's doing now.NOTHING
He will look to you to do everything. He knows you won't leave because you love him and you will not want your kids to go through what your SKS are going through.
Of course you get along so
Of course you get along so well when you are alone. The Real World isn't there.
The thing is he has 2 small daughters (seeing they are in diapers means they must be under 5 at the most)and they will one day be grown daughters demanding his time because he has allowed them to be like this. This is how he wants to live. But do you?
So he doesn't take care of his daughters but allows you to be the nanny. Well unpaid nanny. He doesn't respect your need to study and complete your education. And if you consider the girls young age ... how many times a week are they shuffled around between various people and homes being exposed to who knows what that they are unable to speak about because they do not have to advanced language skills yet.
I do think at first you wanted to prove you were up to the job of being a Step Mother and he has taken advantage of your willingness to step up. Also this is a big F* You to his ex that he has found someone who is a better mother figure than she is.
I would tell him that the present situation is not working out for you and you will be getting an apartment of your own until you graduate so you can concentrate and graduate on time. And move out. They are his kids, he has all the answers so let him live up to his personal expectations.
The one love of your life? Honey I was married to the most wonderful man. Who left me with 4 children after 18 yrs of marriage and moved to his home country. Then2 yrs later I met this guy who was funny and quirky who I fell in love with. 11 yrs later... going strong. Don't limit yourself to your feelings now being the same in 20 yrs when your life will get shittier and shittier if things do not change.
Why do you want this
Why do you want this loser/user in your life?
Thank you these are great
Thank you these are great tips, and truly believe me when I say I fully accept your opinions and I thank you for them. I think just moving out for now would be the best bet. I love him because I know that he is not like this he wasn't for the longest until his BM decided to mess with him. Understand when I first met this man he was working full time, going to school and was still stuck with the kids, all the time. He hardly ever got a break, and while he was busting his ass trying to be better annd do better she was eating him alive. She put him on child support so he has to pay her 750 a month because that what she demanded. I was infuriated when I found out about this because he was always with the kids even on his days off while she would be out clubbing or fucking around. Now I don't care what she does in her personal life... but when she did that the paper said he was able to see the kids on the weekend and they had to be in daycare during the day. The thing is he is paying her 750 for child support you guys but she still expects him to buy diapers and wipes for her along with other neccessities and give her 160 a week towards daycare. Smfh she has bled him dry to the point where he can barely support himself. She's always threatning him with the kids saying he won't get to see them if he won't watch them everyday or give her mobey when she wants it. I understand that he is under a lot of stress which is why I didn't mind at first what I was doing. Also he gets around 1200 a month from the VA, it's more of me being stressed and tired to the point where I can't even hear myself think. His BM doesn't want her kids to like me but they love and adore me we are so close and she hates that.. it seems the happier he is without her the more she buries him under and makes everything harder. Like I said he really is a great man and I know from what I said it didn't seem like it but he really is. And I want so badly to be a part of those girls lives including that little brat, I've been here since they were infants.. I couldn't fathom leaving any of them no matter how stressful they are you know. Its just the closer and more involved with them I become the more she lies to CSC(child support court) about how he's not helping her and the more she makes up lies to cps. Smh I need to vent and get this stuff off my chest because if I don't, I don't think I can deal until they are 18.
There are some nice things
There are some nice things about passive men. They do as they're told. But he's chosen his loyalty, he does what BM tells him to do. He gives her money, he does as she demands. He's not YOUR passive man, he's still BM's man.
Of course, I'd still rather a man more capable of taking care of himself.
The man was working full time
The man was working full time and going to school when you met him because HAD to. Now that he has found a woman to use, he's free to be his true, lazy self. If you walk out, he will go back to work and stop playing school. He will do that until he finds a new victim.
If he agreed to pay $750, then chances are he knew going to court would have resulted in him paying much more than that.
Parents are not "stuck with their kids all the time". Plenty of moms. Plenty of single moms with full custody work and attend school time.
He had/has his kids all the time because he agrees. There's nothing stopping him from saying no if he's asked to keep the kids so that mom can go out.
That's exactly what I do she
That's exactly what I do she is such a good child and she doesn't like everyone doing everything for her.. She is a very independent child it reminds me a lot of myself. The oldest is like that when its just me and her, its only when her daddy is around she becomes a problem because she is spoiled and knows he'll give her whatever she wants.
This won't get better. He's
This won't get better. He's using you
If there is a parenting plan
If there is a parenting plan or divorce decree he has to stick to it or he will continue to be used. Which means every single time she is in contempt of the court order he files charges with the court. As for the diapers etc... he can say "Sorry, I am in overdraft at the bank and they will not let me run over anymore."
She will tell him he will not see the kids again (and if he can tape the conversation or get it in text even better) he can tell her "You will not want to do that or I will see you in court as many times as it takes for you to abide buy the court order. You signed it as well as me."
He may not see his kids for s few weeks but in the end she WILL back down or have to answer to a judge.
I suspect their behaviour is because they are never with their mother but numerous baby sitters.
Since he is your FIANCE and
Since he is your FIANCE and not HUSBAND you can just live separately. Let him take responsibility for his own life and kids. It sounds like he found someone to mooch on and pawn his bratty kids off on.
If he starts getting upset about you not 'playing your part' then you know you are nothing but a nanny and an ATM.
In that case move on SWIFTLY.