Is he a forgetful guy? Is there a layer of dust on the tapes? Where are they stored? Does he ever watch them?

If my DH had tapes like that I would throw them out. I would just find a dumpster somewhere and throw them out. Then I would be pleasant but cool for a few weeks. My DH can be forgetful. Forgetting about amateur porn of his ex? Quite possible.

The only tapes my DH has from his marriage are recorded Christmas movies from TV in the 1980s. Apart from the deteriorating quality the ads in between are hilarious. Imagine a 385 computer!

I am fairly certain I would never forget that I made porn tapes with somebody, but anything is possible and everybody is different. It is just something I have never done, nor plan to do.

I would be pissed to the hilt to find these and know he kept them for any reason. Now, if I found out he had watched them recently, it would not be pretty at all....and, I would be very concerned as to" why."

Before I burned them I would be tempted to say honey you are not going to believe what I found in your ______ today and I just wanted to show you a little clip so you could tell me more about why you have this and why it is here in our home.

I would have to watch his reaction even if it embarrassed him, as surely you were humiliated when you viewed it and found it, unnecessarily.

It's not like he plans to pass this (these porn tapes) down to the children for memory sake, huh? Surely not.....

Keep the tapes and give them to the skid when he reaches adulthood. }:) }:) }:)

Because if he kept the tapes of the "Mother of his Children" he must have meant to pass them on to said children.

Is he super willing to burn and throw them away? I can tell you that if he can't wait to break them apart and chuck them, he may have forgot--if he's unwilling then there's a problem. Also, are they VHS? Because unless he has a vhs player stored around somewhere, he's not watching them.

Okay, I just envisioned DH and BM on a porn tape. My mind has never gone there before. And I am certain that my over the moon sex drive is the basement now. So, I am pausing to get a glass of wine.

My DH is incredibly forgetful. Very intelligent but totally forgetful if it isn't significant or important to him.

There is no way that he would ever forget he made a video, owned a video or think that he could keep such a video in our home without risking mutilation.

Part of that might be that he's mainly "vanilla" but only partly. I think any man, regardless of kink level, is going to remember making a video.

If videos are the "norm" and he is forgetful about such videos, then wouldn't he have videos with other woman? Surely, you don't forget that it's in your desk.

Has he ever wanted to make a video with you? What does your gut say?

I am sorry that you watched the video in its entirety. I would not be able to get past that (and that might be a fault of mine). Knowing something intellectually is different than watching carnal reality.

If they're VHS I'd chalk it up to forgetting.

I'm going to preface my next comment with this: I wrote my thesis in college on pornography and it's function in society. I've watched way more than the average human being. It phases me not at all-in any way shape or form.

If they're any other form of media I'd watch them just to drop hints to make him wonder if I found them. Then I would proceed with the mental torture by giving him full out shit-oh that's what really does it for you huh? I think her performance was sub-par in A B C...Then he'd watch all of them-with me standing right behind him. The next time he ever got any from me-he'd feel like a reborn virgin. Not because it was porn, but because it was BM porn.

Like I said-slightly I'm slightly twisted in this department and used to it. It is an incredibly fascinating thing to study though in terms of societal norms.

OK so they were in his desk. At hand or buried?
Maybe the 'at hand' remark could be taken a different way... sorry

The only things from BM-Daze my DH has is a few wedding photos ( in time he will pass them down to his sons)a dish towel (it drives me crazy but she let so few household items go with DH it has some kind of trophy status)and his old dining room set she asked if he wanted when she replaced it. Solid wood, leaved table. Hell yes! I know for a fact he never did the dirty with her on it si I have no problem taking it.

But this is different. It is more than personal. He would have to understand why I am upset. Point out to him that having seen those tapes means anytime you have sex all you will think of is him and BM copulating. Ask him if he would like to see you on film having sex with another man.

I like mommadukes idea though. Sit down and watch it with him. Pass comment. Point out when she is faking it. Tell him the lighting could have been better. And did she really think she looked hot because it looks like she is having a stroke. Then I would mentally torture him for a few weeks. Just because....

She asked: "What would you do?" That's what I'd do. She doesn't have to do it-that's just how I answered the posed question.

I had the same thing happen to me. He legit forgot though- back of the closet under a bunch of other boxes kind of thing. Homemade porn is always hilarious and this was no different. They both looked ridiculous, and I can never unsee BM's deflated balloon boobs.

Doesn't sound like he forgot though. He forgot he put them in his desk where you might find them- that I'd buy. I'd tell him you know he didn't just forget. Ask him if he has watched them even for a second since you have been together. Then it you believe him when he says no, tell him keeping the videos was a shitty, disrespectful thing to do and he'd better start acting like he recognizes it. Then I'd drop it, and try rinsing your eyes a few hundred times.

Of course- that's only if you believe him.

You said you have moved not long ago.

Most people moving a heavy item such as a desk don't move it without removing the drawers. Makes the desk lighter and easier to carry. If that is indeed way desk was moved, I'd say the tapes got in the desk draw after the move.

I'm more concerned that he flipped out on you for mentioning it. He should at least be able to acknowledge your hurt feelings without turning on you. His utter disregard for your comfort level and his anger are repulsive.

But yes - in his desk - he made a choice to keep it. May or not be watching it - but he wanted to keep it. Of course that upsets you. His anger is just a way of gaslighting you.

One day I did find a few compromising pictures of BM and a sex toy on my husbands computer. I deleted them then later that day told him what I had found and that I had deleted them. We did not argue over it. I knew my marriage is good and so I saw no reason to have an argument over them. I do not really remember his response.

It did disgust me and I did definitely know that he had put the pictures on there since we were together because I bought the laptop for him. We were however living thousands of miles away from BM at that time and I was confident that he had no current interest in her.

Your circumstances may be different to mine, so of course your reaction may be different.

I'm not sure how I'd feel. I think it's one of those things that you think you'd know exactly how you'd feel and what you'd do but when it actually happens to you, you react differently than you thought you would.

I think I'd just throw them out. I'd like to say that I wouldn't watch them but I know that I would and then I'd feel like crap and wonder why I tortured myself.

I had a polaroid of my exH's dick, Yes the original dick pic. It was taken on our honeymoon. I shoved it into the drawer with all my sexy silky underwear and never thought about it again.
I've moved a few times and never unpacked the drawers, just took them out with everything in it and put them back in once in the new place.
I never wear the sexy underwear, most of it was from the bachelorette party from the marriage to the ex. So about a year ago I went thru the drawer and tossed all the underwear and came across the pic. It made me laugh and remember the honeymoon, which wasn't a bad thing. We laughed and laughed when I took the picture, he wanted me to destroy it right then but I wouldn't. Then he wanted one of me and I wouldn't let him. It was a good memory, we were at one point in love and very happy together. There are a lot of bad memories from that marriage, it was nice to have one that wasn't bad.
No, I don't want to be with the ex. No I wasn't turned on. It just took me back to a time in my early 20s when the world was all rosy and I was very naive.

I cut the picture into small pieces and tossed it along with the underwear. It was all part of my past and I was happy to let it go.
I don't know if DH ever went into the drawer and saw it or not. If he did he never said anything.

So how exactly did he flip out on you for mentioning it? Was he flipped because he was mad? Or because he was embarrassed - there is a difference, one being mad and the other being embarrassed. If he was mad then I'd be very hurt and curious as to why he was keeping them. Have you asked him why he still had them?

My Dh is forgetful at times so it wouldn't surprise me that he would forget he had something. But he would also be the one to throw stuff like that away without thinking twice about it.

In all, I'd be pizzed to know that he knew he had it when you first started a relationship and then to find it now in his desk when moving. If he knew he had it then he should have known to get rid of it - or better yet to have gotten rid of it before ever mentioning it to you in the first place!

Unless he immediately felt horrified and embarrassed then he didnt forget. His 2nd reaction should have been destroying them infront of you. If neither of those happened within the first 3 minutes of the incident, I'd probably tell him to get bent.