What Are Some Truths Steplife Has Taught You
This morning I dusted off one that I keep close to my heart:
"The only way to win is not to play the game.". Some others that routinely pop up are:
-You can't care more than the bio parents do
-You cannot coparent with a high conflict spouse
-Blood is thicker than water
and my personal epiphany:
-You can't fix bad genes.
What are some truisms you've discovered along the rosy path of steplife?
- Exjuliemccoy's blog
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It's not worth it. Find a guy
It's not worth it. Find a guy without kids or fly happily solo.
+ eleventy million. My
+ eleventy million.
My youngest daughter, who at 24 still knows everything, was complaining to me not long ago about a BF. Turns out he has kids, and some of her complaints were directly related to that.
"Dump him. Now," I said. That relationship may have been on its way out anyway, but for once, she listened to me.
Truths? Wow, so many things
Truths? Wow, so many things I've learned in this process.
I will never come first with DH. He has too much guilt, and overcompensates with SD.
Ignore the whore.
You can't fix crazy.
Teenagers that aren't yours suck
Never, ever marry someone with kids and an ex-wife
It taught me Disney parents
It taught me Disney parents are liars and will not keep their word. It taught me the red flags to look out for if I ever decide to date again. It taught me to always take the airplane warning to heart, put my mask on FIRST, before assisting others. It taught me to be more aware of actions than words. It taught me never give seconds chances.
It is much harder to forgive
It is much harder to forgive another person's kid than your own.
Even if BM is a POS and neglects her kids, it doesn't matter.
Disney dads are never going to hold their kids accountable.
My step-life truths: I cannot
My step-life truths:
I cannot care or work harder than bio parents
I am not responsible for compensating for the limitations of the bioparents
I have the right to my own boundaries: to check out, refuse to babysit, and require safety in my home
I will not put up with any behavior from skids that I wouldn't accept from any other person or child I know
It is not my job to 'convince' DH to parent, or to tolerate the consequences of his decisions
It is my job to protect my bio children, at all times and whatever the cost
True disengagement means I do not react, respond, or have any emotional investment in skid-life
I will NEVER live with skids, EVER
Thank you. I came by them
Thank you. I came by them honestly, from a lot of trial and error!
Mine: You can't beat a dead
Mine:
You can't beat a dead horse.
Silence is acknowledgement.
Dysfunction breeds dysfunction.
"Rude Bitches Make Me Tired," book by Celia Rivenbark
"Never love someone else more
"Never love someone else more then you love yourself"
*****. "How much you love yourself will define how much others will love you." ****
Truer words were never spoken. I would never allow a man to make me feel like I wasn't his lifetime and most important partner. Period, because I can and will walk away and make myself happy alone if I am not.
Agree!
Agree!
Oh man! Love this
Oh man! Love this Exjuliemccoy... "You can't fix bad genes." Ain't that the damn truth!
And shout out to CANYOUHELP for the "Rude Bitches Make Me Tired" book suggestion. Tapping Mama Amazon on the shoulder right now...
2 Rules: I don't do favors
2 Rules:
I don't do favors for assholes
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
YSD was asking for something
YSD was asking for something and trying to barter with DH and I said "We don't negotiate with terrorists" and he actually laughed! I about died. LOL.
The role of "stepmother" is
The role of "stepmother" is totally optional when one meets said child as an adult. As is the role of grandmother to any spawn of said skid.
Yes!
Yes!
"Disney dads are never going
"Disney dads are never going to hold their kids accountable." Sweet baby jeezus isn't that the truth.
I need to learn to stay disengaged *eyetwitch*
Non-parents should never,
Non-parents should never, ever get involved with parents.
I did. I regret it. Biggest single mistake of my life.
Definitely the you have to
Definitely the you have to love your kids more than you hate your ex. Also when you hate the BM you have to do it without it spilling over onto the step kids if they have done nothing wrong. They can't help that their mother is a pathetic psycho. I struggle with both of these often...