I think reporter bias *may* influence the results.

Also, people who end up here are usually dealing with situations more difficult than 'average.'

And plus, we are, collectively, just awesome and that includes our genes. *Ahem* *not biased at all*

People have less tolerance for other people's children. Plus people generally don't come to a site like this unless they have complaints!

I would hazard a guess that if the EX was wonderful, the DH would still be with them so there would be no SM situation?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Well, this site was created for step parents that don't live in happy happy joy joy land with glitter farting skids. If this was a "Come on in and tell us how wonderful step life is!" site we would probably see a different kind of crowd.

"How did our DH's breed these hellion children, yet end up with women who have such well behaved children?"

In my case, it's because Medusa raised the skids to hate my DH and then checked out. DH is not a super awesome parent and lets most everything slide.

ASS is an ASS, but KarateKid is okay, good kid, does well in school, generally pleasant. BV is terribly immature, but DH does nothing to change that.

My kids are good kids because I parented them the right way. I was strict, held them accountable, raised them right. Most importantly, I have NO problems calling them assholes when they are acting like assholes

Well we do not start off that way.

I tried to group all the kids together.

Dh is way more of an enabler/ spoiler/never follows througher then i thought.

I would not be here if it was all peaches and cream.

I think we all hope for the best, but then muck happens, and we have to protect ourselves from muck.

I am not prettier than BM. She's prettier than me. But not smarter and not more successful and I am a way better mother. And I think that's why DD2's dad ended up with her. Cause she's pretty. Young men often don't look for smart and successful and good mother's when they are horny and they are in their twenties. They are like Elizabeth Bennett's dad in Pride and Prejudice. They marry pretty when they are young and then looks fade and their stuck with mean and stupid as their martial partner. But now you can get divorced and find someone else

But it's not the stepmom's with great stepkids and great marriages that end up here cause they were looking for a site to vent or help from other step moms in the trenches trying to survive. Those stepmoms aren't here. They are at the country club getting facials while their stepkids are on the tennis court and their husbands are flagging down the waiter to top off their wine.

and my kiddos are special little snowflakes (: They are thus far all pretty good kids but I have put in the hard work to raise them that way.

If I saw my life in the way you laid it out in your post, all that you would be seeing is a hennypenny-shaped puff of smoke because I would be outta there.

My skids are pretty darn great, with pretty typical issues that can be tricky to deal with from my position as a step parent.

My BM is a successful business woman and good mother, whose overwhelming desire to stick it to DH at every opportunity can be a source of frustration for me.

I am not better than BM, but I AM a better match for DH than BM.

DH is a fantastic, involved, loving father. He is also permissive parent, which can be a source of frustration for me.

I read/post here because even though I love my life, it's still a strange one in terms of being a step parent, and it helps to heat the stories of others with whom I can relate (and not relate, lol.) It also took a lot of hard work to get to where we are as a family, so I like to think I have something to share back as well.

I have to agree with the others that the skids here are not representative of larger society. By the site's purpose, people with problems or complicated step lives are here and not the happy, successful blended families some of us had hoped to be.

I agree with bias toward bios. However, some things are just what they are. By that very nature, that's partially why some people find this site. I ended up here because of the disrespect toward my DH. That would not be tolerated in my household and I really struggled with DH'S guilt and my own.

I do not wish anything bad toward BM. In fact, I hope she lives,a llooonnngggg time. As far as spam and filet go, well, some of our DH'S just got lucky with us

Seriously, BM and I are very different in almost every way from parenting to looks to self sufficiency. When I finally got to hear her speak a few sentences together, I was utterly dazed.

I am very fortunate in my situation in step life compared to others here. My DH does put our marriage first and is a great SF to my DD. There are days that I wish he could be the same with his kids and that I could be as great with his kids. That said, there are days that I think about how uncomplicated things were before and I miss my former life EVERYDAY.

Don't have a DH, no BM, skids are not model citizens, no Bios, I'm not an attractive lady, yep got nothing to add.

Interesting questions.

As the saying goes, if I had known then what I know now...

Lol well SD is a lot smarter than our two bios. BM has a good job and doesn't scam the system (anymore). Buttttt to be honest I'm a lot prettier than her. She was cuter in high school and then it went down hill from there.

When it comes to comments regarding the BM's....In the situations presented on this site, the BM's are typically intruding, interrupting and creating havoc on the SM's life.
Of course one is going to portray them as the toothless evil monster because that is how they feel.

Same way with the Skids. If they mistreat the SM or NCP, then all their flaws will be pointed out.

Personally I don't think my DH's XW is an ugly hag. To be honest, she was pretty darn homely when he married her but she has aged very well. She is very fit and attractive.
I don't like her personally but then she has hated me from day one so no love lost there.
I adore my XH's Long time GF. Have known her since HS. She is stunning and sweet and I personally think she is too good for him hahaha. But I adore her and she loves my BS which I am thrilled with.

As far as the Step kids...I think we all allow their actions or attitudes to affect our vision of them. After years of this step hell...the SS's and I have come to a mutual understanding that they don't have to like me and I don't have to like them, we just stay out of each others way.
I think they are horrible to DH but I can't fight that battle for him. He needs to take that stand.
But we come here to vent.
I for one am thrilled to have a place to vent. I would hate to say most of the things I say to my DH as it would break his heart. I don't want to burden our dear friends with the constant complaining about step hell...so I come here. I get it out of my system and it gives me strength to fight another day.
So if that means we all sound like we are amazing wonderful people who spawns the world best children in the world...then so be it.

I wonder about the attractiveness thing. Whenever people post photos of BMs or themselves on here everyone looks normal. No one is hideous and no one is a model. There is one poster on here who has said many times BM and skids look like they have downs syndrome. It makes me wonder what she looks like because unless they have serious money to spend, most men don't divorce a 2 and go on to marry a 10. They divorce a 2 and maybe marry a 4.

I think for me it is about control. It is up to me to teach my bios how to behave. Assign job/chores around the house teaching them daily skills. My frustration with the SD is that she either was never taught how to clean up after herself or she is lazy. I really don't want to nag her or the bios. I just want to teach them to clean and cook and keep a house orderly. I want DH to back me up and teach them stuff as well.

SD's idea of a good dinner is hamburger helper. yuk... No offense to anyone. But that is what she was taught. I am not a gourmet cook nor do I serve processed foods.

My bd and bs can cook full healthy meals. This is because I have taught them all along. SD would rather lay on her bed and wait for the meal to be on the table.

People with wonderful stepchildren and reasonable BMs do not seek out a board like this. I'm sure they exist. Plenty of them.

Some people here even have skids they like but feel frustrated about the BM.

And a few have both great skids and fine enough BMs but find their husbands have blind spots that cause them difficulty.

Personally, I have no kids of my own so I don't see how I could have bias one way or the other on that.

I adore one skid and not the other. The one I don't adore has no friends, is failing school, repeatedly gets on the wrong side of teachers and administrators, and has many other measurable, objective life deficiencies including the distress of her own blood relatives. I would be extremely unusual, rare actually, to have any different opinion than I do have.

As for me being a better person than BM, well, my DH is also vastly better than my ex-husband. That's what one aims for in a second marriage. BM has not remarried and has no prospects which also seems to be an objective standard by which to judge that metric.

DH and I would love it if she did find somebody. Oddsmakers not giving us much hope on that.

I don't actually think my skids are losers.
I do think they have not been parented, in my case, by either parent (BM or DH)
I hold DH completely accountable for choosing not to parent his kids but that doesn't change the problem of having to deal with it.

My kids are far from perfect, in fact their Dad has chosen not to parent much like DH has for his own kids.

I can assume, my bios are 'those skids' for their Dad if he gets a 3rd partner because much like DH, my XH has created a similar situation with the kids over there - he has chosen for years to be Dad without being a parent and my kids aren't stupid - they take advantage of that, and frankly after all these years, my bios don't want to be over there anymore. Very similar to my skids not wanting to be here - so it would be fair to assume my kids are not great when in that environment - which I do not have those problems with them here because I don't allow it.

So for me, my DH has it pretty good with my bios, because I have parented my kids and force them within my walls NOT to be 'those skids'. I do not allow disrespect to my DH even if at times, I question how fair it is that my bios have to have more respect for my DH than his own kids do (and they question it too now that they are teens).

However, I can assume the SM of my bios, if there was one again (the last one left a year back now) may be dealing with my bios as 'those skids' because of my XH. Perhaps she is even on this site. And if so, I feel for her, because I know my kids are good kids - in the right environment.

So, my skids are 'those skids' in my house because DH allows it. Unfortunately, its doesn't change the crappy situation that I am stuck with the end result of 'those skids'. And since 'they' are the end result of my problems, from my side, my headache is the skids.

Ah, so. Agreed.

sue2u: That was supposed to be for you.

How is it that majority of the skids here are losers, jerks, dumb, not doing anything with their lives, have no manners, etc?

BM is making them like they are. The word NO is absent.

How is it that the majority of the BMs here are losers, manipulators, low lives, system scammers, etc?

BM isn't a loser money wise..she actually makes more then DH and myself put together. BUT she expects BOTH of us to fork out money to match what she believes the snowflakes are entitled too

How is it that the majority of us SMs are prettier, smarter, more successful, nicer, kinder, just overall better then BM?

Because I don't believe that I have entitled snowflakes and that the world owes me and them because I'm divorced.

How is it that our kids, our own bios or the ones we have with our DH's are basically better then the skids in every way. Like every.single.way. Our snowflakes are the prettiest, most unique snowflakes out there.

MY bios only better in that the words NO and YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT are used in their upbringing.

How did our DH's have relationships with BM and then end up with us ladies that are waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy better then BM? Like BM is spam and we are filet Mignon.

This I'm not sure. I have no clue what DH was doing with her. But then the way my ex turned out to be the worse douchbag in history...DH can say the same thing.

How did our DH's breed these hellion children, yet end up with women who have such well behaved children?

DH only bred them..he basically had no say in how they were raised. BM made the decisions..and still does

Generally curious about this pattern.

Probably because this is *supposed* to be a step parent venting site. Pure demographics. Those in step bliss regularly log into: iadoremyskids.com

OP, I don't think any of those things you listed. **shrugs shoulders**

What drove me to this site were 4 things:

1. Piss poor parenting and BM making the minor girls her "friends."

2. BM alienating the girls from DH -- it was awful.

3. DH's inability to cope with "losing" his daughters.

4. BM and her alcoholic husband trying to sue me 2x.

Pretty sure BM has a personality disorder and is a drug addict (she kept telling the girls DH was an addict and they believed it:-( Child support ended this summer and I guess she has gone off her rocker. To the point she did a couple lines of cocaine with a girlfriend of hers right in front of her daughters:-( They told DH they were shocked and disgusted.

So, there you have it.