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Disengagement + in law woes/drama

momjeans's picture

Submitted by momjeans on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 5:09pm

Backstory: I've been disengaged forever, but mostly since moving away from BM and Skid in early 2014. Because of my disengagement, my MIL has been a peach (aka: mean girl) and I'm just over it. So over it.

I've told her point blank that I'm done. Done with BM. With Skid (I refuse to be a nanny with a high-conflict ex looming overhead) and done with her (MIL) passive aggressive BS as well a delusional, pill-popping FIL.

My MIL constantly talks smack about me behind my back.
At this juncture, I'm done wasting my time and energy trying to explain myself - especially when it only provides fodder for gossip and criticism for her which comes back to me like a boomerang.

I realize I do not need to justify any decisions I make, especially to people in which I am merely connected to by marriage, but F*** I am SO done with her and my FIL.

How in the world do I put this into layman's terms to her when she sends me her monthly "We want to see you" text? I've already informed her to not contact me. Yes, I know I can simply ignore her, but I feel I need to express to her that I'm done. What can I possibly say at this point to make it clear that I'm not going to engage with her toxicity?

Comments

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 5:17pm

You block her on all forms of communication, media, etc. If not, you are inviting your own trouble.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 5:35pm

The best way to express that you are done, is to be done.

Expressing yourself to her verbally, just gives her the chance to express herself right back. And frankly, does not give the message that you are done because you keep engaging, even if it's negative engagement.

You said you've already wasted time and energy trying to explain it to her and she just turns it around and uses it against you. Get off of the merry-go-round.

momjeans's picture

Submitted by momjeans on Sat, 02/11/2017 - 10:19am

Thank you for ALL of your responses.

StepAside, this is my MIL too. Southern baptist woman of the worst persuasion. The final glimpse into her character was overhearing a conversation between her and my DH on speakerphone. It was just before thanksgiving last year and my BIL was preparing to check himself into inpatient rehab. MIL, in a vocal tone I've never heard out of her before, angrily told DH how the mother of my BIL's wife was "going to get hers in the end when it comes judgement time" because she declined to fork over the 20k for his treatment. With that said, my MIL's fixation with money and the people who have it has never sat well with me. She was like a vulture when I was dealing with my own mother's estate a few years ago.

I do have her blocked on all forms of social media, aside from receiving texts. And while I do ignore them, she eventually involves DH and plays "She doesn't respond. See, she doesn't like me!" card which leads DH to pathetically recommending that perhaps I should lead by example and show some grace and forgiveness to his mother.

I know she doesn't like me. And really... I am fine with that. I think the biggest hurdle for me at this point is putting an end to the viscous cycle of uncomfortableness when I have to be in her presence. I feel that in a sick way she needs that contact in order to turn around and project her disdain for me as me disliking her. It makes me out to be the "bad guy."

Prior to Christmas, last year, I told her the only way we could proceed forward was to seek family counseling. The color drained from her face. She stumbled for reasons she couldn't do that, ending on the probability that she'd just get herself into therapy - maybe. Basically, she's not having it.