If DH makes a demand of my BS
Sorry blog hog today...
DH and BS get along pretty well. BS respects DH and listens to him and does what he tells him. Overall BS is a pretty good kid and if you tell him to do something he does it, though there are times that you have to push BS to do what he needs to do. He'll keep trying to put it off.
Sometimes DH will make rules/demands/requests of BS and majority of the time I am on board with them. They are either things that Yes BS needs to be doing, etc. or things that I may not have thought of. There are times that I look at DH and think WTF... not BS isn't going to do that.
Then there are the in between where DH will tell me that BS should do something but then walks around. So he wants BS to do something, but he wants me to be the one to tell BS, walk him through the task and deal with any negative that comes from it.
9/10 times BS will listen to DH the first time as opposed to listening to me the first time.
So yesterday BS is at neighbors down the road playing. DH comes home from work and trims the front bushes. I go outside to water plants and ask DH "Are you cleaning this up?" He says "BS can do it."
So I really don't have a problem with making BS do it but now I have to "parent" BS through something that DH can really handle in like 2 minutes himself.
So BS comes home from friends house as I am leaving to go to grocery store.
I come back... yard trimmings still not cleaned up. DH and BS are helping me bring in the groceries.
I 100% know that DH is waiting for me to tell BS to clean up the trimmings. So I do because I know if I don't do it now DH will then tell him to do it later when it's going to be a real inconvenience.
So I tell BS "Can you please pick up these yard trimmings." So BS is trying to get out of it, asking me in the kitchen- Why do I have to do it, blah blah blah. How do I even do it? Where do I put them? Do I use a broom?
So I'm annoyed. Now normally I would walk BS through the task to make sure it gets done. But I get to deal with the moaning and groaning.
Instead I go downstairs where DH is now at in the family room watching Judge Judy with a Bud Light in his hand "If you want BS to clean up the trimmings you need to walk him through what he needs to do because apparently he is clueless."
DH looks at me all like :? and I'm like "No really, it was your request, go and teach him what to do."
(Side note- If BS would have just THOUGHT about it he would know what to do. He's a smart kid, he's done plenty of yard work, just never picked up trimmings but he was being a kid and acting like we were asking him to perform heart surgery.)
So DH gets up, shows BS, BS cleans up and it's all done in like 5 minutes.
Am I wrong to think of DH makes these "demands" of BS that he should be the one to see them through? I deal with BS everyday. I am parenting him all day, every day. So to me if DH wants him to do something else or do a different chore then he should be the one that teaches him what to do and makes sure he follows through with it.
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Comments
I think you are absolutely
I think you are absolutely right. If it's his idea for the kid to clean something that he might not know how to do, he needs to give him the instructions and make sure it's done.
Yeah moving forward I am
Yeah moving forward I am going to put it back on DH. Like I already do all of BS's parenting by myself for the most part. Now I have to parent for stuff that he wants me to do?
What would have bugged me was
What would have bugged me was the last-minute nature. I don't think anyone likes being told to clean up a mess someone else made. I think it's reasonable if your 'part' in a family responsibility is the cleaning up, but that's discussed/planned ahead of time, right?
So I'd be irritated with DH in this situation, because he's doing his thing but then partway through decides/realizes that he needs some help - and that help is going to be BS, who is not home. So now to get BS to do the work that DH just now decided needed to be done, it's your problem. Would drive me nuts.
But I guess I don't see it as a parenting thing, or even a family thing, just a lack of planning/lack of follow-through issue on DH's part.
This^^^ It would be different
This^^^
It would be different if BS had been helping him all along but your DH trims, then decides he doesn't want to clean it up, so decides that BS can do it when he gets home. I would have told him no, you can do it or YOU can have BS HELP you when he gets home.
Your husband is just lazy in all aspects, isn't he?
In general no he isn't a lazy
In general no he isn't a lazy man. He works hard in a labor job and often takes on side jobs. He takes care of the all the "man" stuff.
I was a little surprised that he didn't just do it himself because normally he wouldn't do something and then half way through decide that BS needs to finish it. That is why I did push back on him about HIM helping BS through it.
That is weird that he did
That is weird that he did that, then.
It is because your DH doesn't
It is because your DH doesn't want to be the bad guy. The exact same reason they don't parent the stepchildren.
They would rather the SM be the heavy.
I stopped allowing my DH to give my BS chores. DH was blatantly expecting BS to do chores but not making the SS's do them. And then when BS would do the chore, DH would bitch and moan about how it was done. I called DH out on it and he actually said the reason he doesn't make the SS's do chores is because they will just stop coming over if he makes them. I told him right then and there that he was No longer ever allowed to tell BS to do a single chore...EVER!
If he can't keep it even then he needs to stop. He tried to say he expected more from BS because he was not a lost cause like his spawn. Regardless....BS was clearly seeing that he was being forced to do chores while the SS's sat on their butts.
DH never had BS do another chore again. That doesn't mean BS never had to do chores, I was the only one allowed to tell him what to do and it was only if I wanted it done.
Luckily for DH, BS was the type of kid who loved to work on projects together with him so if DH was doing any type of home improvement or project, BS was there by his side learning and offering to help.
We're living the same
We're living the same life.... same thing here with my BS and SS's (although my SS's are a lot older now, so it doesn't really go on now). But still... when I hear DH tell my BS to do something it kinda grates on my nerves because he would have never dreamed of asking his kids to do that. Nor would he have tried to keep his kids under his thumb like he does my BS.
I know my BS can be a pain in the a$$... and obviously has some authority problems. Pretty sure I know why.
Zero - thank you for pissing
Zero - thank you for pissing me off on this nice Monday morning lol....
When ever SO told me to tell DEigma something I would laugh and say - oh no Sir, you have a kid get your kid to do that and leave mine alone..
It pissed me off, I was not allowed to ask Aergia to clean her dishes or remove her shit from the living room, but SO could tell Deigma anything, from sweeping out the garage (which SO messed up and his dogs) to doing Aergia's dishes..
Deigma never said a word, but I knew he was angry and I put a stop to it...
We had allot of fights regarding this, SO asks Deigma to help him with fixing something on a car... it's fine, I ask Aergia to help with something in the house it's war... Thus my rule if you need help call your own kid and the crap about but Aergia is a girl did not fly by me... so effing what Deigma is a boy and he still does dishes idiot...