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Just when you think it's getting better

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

Submitted by notmyfirstrodeo on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:28am

I know I have mentioned that SD5 has the most unhealthy hair I have ever seen. She has about 4 inches of baby hair that was never trimmed off because BM refuses to groom her properly. So about 6 weeks ago, DH and I took BS10 and BS8 for a haircut and SD5 was with us. We asked her if she wanted to get her hair "trimmed" and she said yes. We explained to the stylist that she should trim the smallest amount possible so BM doesn't have a coronary. When DH took SD5 home, BM didn't even notice the "trim." About 20 minutes later, DH's phone blew up. BM was yelling and screaming and telling him that he had no right to cut SD5's hair. DH explained to BM that when SD5 is with us, we try to include her in everything that we can to make her feel a part of things. When the BS's get to do something, SD5 wants to do it as well. DH also asked BM if she could tell the hair had been "trimmed" or had SD5 told her. She admitted that she couldn't tell and that SD5 had told her. DH promised he would never "cut" SD5's hair and that "trimming" it was good for her hair. BM said that would be ok. So, this past weekend, we had scheduled family portraits. We took BS's to get their hair cut and again asked SD5 if she would like a trim. She said yes. The stylist, again, only "trimmed" the bare minimum of hair. The only way you can tell that the hair has been "trimmed" is because it looks healthier. So last night, I received an e-mail from our attorney which stated that DH needs to stop cutting SD5's hair because BM is throwing a fit with her attorney.

So, all BM has to do is pick up the phone and make a demand and we are supposed to roll over and play dead while we have been begging BM to stop showing up at school when we drop off SD5 because it causes her anxiety to have us all in the same room together. She has ignored all of our requests and we just have to suck it up. The system is completely flawed!!!

My MIL (who I adore) said we should just ignore her demand and make her take us to court over the "trims." Our attorney says the judge would just rule in BM's favor, but I'm thinking it might be worth it if we get to resolve some of our issues at the same time. Any sound advice out there?

Comments

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:34am

You have got to be kidding me. If you want to "trim" her hair, trim it. Court is a waste of time, but if BM takes you to court over this, she is going to look like an a**. I would take pics of your SD before and after the trims (with a date showing) just to keep in case a court date does pop up. Kids need to be groomed properly, its not like you gave her a mohawk and dyed her hair green.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:40am

Two different hat time:

As a SM I have faced this as well. I love to style hair.....I cut everyone's hair in my house. SD wanted a hair cut, it was a new cut, completley, but it would have looked great on her. I called Bm and asked her if it would be okay, she said no. I was bummed because SD 15 was very bummed. In this aspect I want to say, who the hell is she........DH is her father and says it's okay, he has just as much of a right to decide as BM does!

As a BM..........if anything were to ever happen between DH and I (it won't I'm just saying) and he remarried I would really hope that the SM would give me the curtosey to ask before she chops my daughter's hair. Of course, you guys didn't chop it, you trimmed it. But even though, I would like to be included in that decision for my daughter. Of course, on the same hand, I would also include DH and her in anything I was going to do for my daughter's hair, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, KWIM?

I don't see where you guys did anything wrong. If BM isn't going to take care of her daughter's hair, what can you do? Your DH is just as much a parent to her as BM is, it's ridiculous for BM to think she doesn't have to consult with your DH but he has to consult with her.

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:45am

"So last night, I received an e-mail from our attorney which stated that DH needs to stop cutting SD5's hair because BM is throwing a fit with her attorney."

Wow. So, I just have one comment: your attorney is not really doing his/her job here. For her to get her attorney involved because you trimmed a little bit off the kid's hair is ridiculous. Your attorney SHOULD be telling her attorney so, and SHOULD be creating a record of this ridiculous behavior. For him/her to tell you that you need to stop doing something so small and silly, indicates to me that your attorney is letting him/herself be influenced or intimidated by the other attorney. And if he can be pushed into telling you to stop doing something SO SMALL by BM's attorney, imagine how hard he WON'T fight for you in court.

BB

"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin

MarriedwithChild's picture

Submitted by MarriedwithChild on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 10:56am

omg- that is horrid!

The ss5 has the worst haircut in his little 4-k of anyone also. He would ONLY let BM do it, and it looks all uneven and chunky and sooooo like she put a bowl on his little head?!

You would think she would, "fix it?!" Uhmmm, hello?????! The ss5 -to be, won't let me near it though, soooo, oh well! (disengage) I'll be damned if I am carrying him around with a haircut like that?! Everyone will think he is my kid- not.

MarriedwithChild's picture

Submitted by MarriedwithChild on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 12:00pm

...True. The thing is that he is becoming more "agressive" mind you,in THIS household and now that I am pregnant, I do not want him going ballistic in my arse, you know?

I say let DH do it...He can "handle" him better than me. I refuse to walk around with a little boy with a haircut that screwed up though. I already have on BS, he never looked that way and everyone will look at me like I am his mum and think, "God! What a horrible mom!" (nope)

I wonder if I keep saying "nice" things to him about how totally scrwed up looking it is, will he maybe change his mind? Poor little guy...

Bald?! OMG- that is horrid, and the usual easy way out of spending a dime on the kid.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 12/01/2009 - 1:45pm

Does she realize it is just hair and it grows back again and again. I say cut it if you want. Let her take you to court. She will look petty. Also agree with the others, your lawyer should have nipped this quick. Get a new attorney if she does take it to court.