Trivia Night Has Begun...and DH Redeems Himself a Little Bit.
Sorry to be a blog hog.
Our guests are arriving. I'll probably warm up and hang a little after my training is over at 7. Does anyone else have multiple teen skids? Do your skids still bicker with each other and nitpick incessantly? It drives me insane. They pick at each other worse than small children when they're all together. DH might describe it as friendly "banter" but it doesn't rise to that level in my book. Not clever at all...just stuff like repeating what the last one just said in a dumb voice.
Anyway. DH just sent me a screenshot of a text between him and BM which warmed my cold, cold heart a little. SS's car has been in the shop today. In the past, we have paid all car repairs on this vehicle, even though BM also drives it from time to time:
BM: "It will cost $$$$ to repair leaks in water pump, oil leak and timing belts. This will take care of all issues with the car.
Don't know what y'all want to do." (Total amount is more than 1K but less than 2K)
DH: "I am unable to contribute to this expense at this time. It's taken everything I've got (and a lot of my parents' money, too) to get him this close to college. I recommend SS explore a payment plan option or some manner of repair financing with the garage. Or, he could accept part of his unsubsidized loan in order to cover the repairs. It's obviously necessary to his education that he get his car road-worthy by next week. Glad we know about this now, before he leaves."
This may seem harsh...but. A couple of notes.
1. I'm so tired of BM asking / assuming (asksuming?) what "we" are going to contribute to this or that. NOT MY KID!
2. BM has been through 4-5 cars since DH and I have been married (7 years). She's abysmal about maintenance, and it seems SS is following in her footsteps. Many of these issues could have been avoided with regular maintenance. DH has tried to put SS and his car on a responsible maintenance schedule and has been met with resistance / told he's "controlling" by BM.
3. As I mentioned, we have covered every car repair to this point. We have also covered all costs that have been associated with college thus far (haven't been many) and DH's parents are covering SS's housing.
4. BM's parents are also wealthy, but they never contribute anything to the kids. Yet BM has often gone directly to DH's parents with her hand out for this or that expense. His parents have started telling her no and expressing their annoyance about this. BM also makes more than I do...frankly, I was surprised at the student loan offer that SS got after his FAFSA. With only BMs info...and with another sister in college and a dependent still at home...he should have gotten a lot more if BM is as poor as she claims to be. I know after my dad died...my youngest sister's FAFSA amount was over 3 times what SS was offered...also with one parent earning but with no other dependents in college or at home. BM must be making more than I realize...yet she's always poor-mouthing it and "just barely making ends meet." This FAFSA offer was a bit of an eye-opener for me and I'm trying not to be angry about it.
5. BM has been adamant that none of her kids get student loans. So she would rather DH and I extend ourselves and continue to neglect our needs and not fully fund our retirements so her babies don't have any debt. We recently found out that she didn't even file a FAFSA for OSD...which we didn't know. We just assumed she had and we were helping cover what was left over. So the $$$ we gave for books, fees, etc. over the past 2 years was likely completely unnecessary. Not sure why, in her mind, her kids are too good for student loans but DH and I can go into debt all day long to support her.
Anyway. Happy that this kind of nonsense is starting to get shut down before I even hear about it. DH just texted me again:
"I've done all I'm going to do to solve SS and his mom's financial and auto woes. I've lived long enough to see BM run through 9 or 10 cars, and SS seems hellbent on doing the same. At this point, if a broken down car keeps SS from college, it would be poetic justice in a way. Feel free to encourage SS to take the unsubsidized loan this semester...just don't you dare drop a dime on this."
Oh, OK. Twist my arm DH.
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Comments
What almost drove me over the
What almost drove me over the edge was BM's assumption that I would bail out her worthless POS son because I was now with DH. BM had a great job and a DH who also had a good job. They were both tired of SS's antics and bailing him out. They viewed me as a new sucker.
No thank you. Not my problem. Let him rot in jail with no bail.
I was not the stupid POS who had a ONS with no BC that produced SS32. No thank you. Not my problem. That was totally between DH and BM - not me.
I think this happens a lot
I think this happens a lot more than people realize. A broken, dysfunctional family sees new blood in the water...so to speak. I think BM clung to me and put a lot of responsibility on me early in the relationship...I accepted, not really knowing any better. Glad to be backing off now.
I learned long ago to let
I learned long ago to let teens bicker. They will figure it out.
I only ever step in if it appears to escalate to hitting, which is rare. Invest in earbuds and drown them out with music or an audio book.
I need to get better at this.
I need to get better at this. They are so annoying.
Oh they are, even your own.
Oh they are, even your own. It's rough, eventually you'll find your way to block them out. Stepping in just escalates it.
I never step in... but I have
I never step in... but I have a hard time blocking it out. Totally gets under my skin.
I hear you. And, most of it
I hear you. And, most of it is so petty too.
Good for your DH! Hopefully,
Good for your DH!
Hopefully, SS will start to take car maintenance a little more seriously. My SD26 is like this, as well. "What? You have to check the oil? What? You have to CHANGE the oil? It's not supposed to be black?"
If not for BM, I don't know what she would do, she has never bought a car all on her own. And yes, DH and I refuse to pay for anything for SD, she is 26, divorced, has 2 kids, yet refuses to work.
I hope your DH means what he says and sticks to it.
OMG My step sons bicker and
OMG My step sons bicker and fight like two year olds constantly. To the point that even DH can't wait for them to leave when they are all together at our house. However, when we were first together, DH expected me to watch his three little angels while he worked all weekend. Then he would wonder why I was nearly psychotic when he would get home from work. Because they are annoying, loud, obnoxious monsters!!!
And I also had a BM who felt the fact that I worked and had a really good job meant that her little darlings would get even more bestowed upon them. And she convinced the SS's that I was the reason they couldn't get $200 tennis shoes 2-3 times a year...because I didn't buy them things.
Of course I had my own BS to raise without the help from my XH so I was providing 100% of his needs. But BM decided since her SO, who had no children, could support her little darlings that I should to.
TO this day I have refused to buy them as much as a pencil because of BM's ridiculous idea that I should support them. Ummm NO!
Good for your DH for standing up to BM and finally saying NO!!
lol. I've bought mine a
lol.
I've bought mine a lot...but I'm cutting back / have cut back because they are over-indulged by an entitled BM.
How old are your SS's? My three are 21, 19, and 17 and they STILL go back-and-forth like toddlers. I know, a lot of it...they think they're "joking" and having fun...but it's so, so unpleasant and no fun for anyone else.
When do they start conversing like adults?