Last year, DH and I went to the mid-year conference and were told that neither boy was good at handing in homework, but one in particular, never handed any in. They were both graded on "completing homework" - not getting all questions right, mind you, just finishing the homework - and at mid-year one had a "below grade level" and another had an "approaching grade level". The kid with the "below grade level" was at the conference and DH told him that he expected all homework to be handed in. We also brainstormed with the child to figure out what might help him remember.

From that point forward, DH called daily to check in on homework and go over it (by phone) with both children. At first BM said DH was "being disruptive" and "had no right to call". She then told one of the kids that she was going to work on homework with him, but that lasted about a day. One favorite episode - DH calls at 4:30pm to check in on homework. One SS angrily says "I'm going to work on it with mom", because DH was somehow insulting his mom by checking in on homework. Later that evening around 8pm that same SS calls back to work on homework because "mom's not so good at area" (apparently, width X height is too difficult for her). By the end of the year, both boys' homework grades had improved, although the one below grade level was still just at approaching, because even though he got constant reminders from us and lots of support, he still "forgot" to hand in a few assignments.

Fast forward to middle school. I just logged on to the online school portal and at just 2.5 weeks in, one child is missing three assignments and already has an F in one of his classes. Two of the missing assignments were for a parent to sign the class syllabus / expectations sheet. This seems to have been required for all classes and BM has two sons in the 6th grade, so presumably she signed these docs for the other child. This year, DH started calling and texting them, but they don't answer their phones in the evening and DH has already been told by BM that he's not allowed to see them during the week because that's "her time".

The child we does not do his homework, plays sports and DH has already said to him that sports may not be allowed if he's not doing his homework. BM called DH an a-hole for saying that to the child...nothing like having no expectations. She also told DH that the only reason SS didn't complete his homework is because there was a misunderstanding with his teacher and BM thought he didn't have to hand the homework in.

The one who doesn't hand in his homework does have some learning challenges, but so did DH and he always handed in his homework. His parents used to make him sit at the table until it was complete. DH's father also pulled him from 8th grade sports because his grades were not all As and Bs. When this child was upset over his grades last year (not sure what he expected, since he doesn't even try hard at things he supposedly loves), BM decided that he didn't need to change his habits, he just needed to change his medication (which surprise, surprise did not magically inspire him to do his homework). This child will definitely be in for a rude awakening when he starts playing school sports and gets booted from the team because he doesn't meet the academic requirements.

BM also told DH that the kids feel bad about school because DH told them that I got all As in school, so they feel as if he expects them to get all As. I laughed out loud when I heard that...of course, BM would make it my fault that her kids don't hand in their homework.

This weekend, one child brought homework, which we worked on, so it was done before he went back to BM's. The other (the one with the 3 missing assignments) told me repeatedly, that he had nothing that he needed to do.

I know one thing...I'm not willing to spend one penny on college for a kid who doesn't bother trying.