I see Prudence is a child-centric hack... That entire scenario is beyond ridiculous. I'd be curious about the make-up of the relationship with the 18 year old. Sounds like a full on mini-wife in the making. Heck, to play devil's advocate here, she could become a full on wife. They aren't blood related. ICK! :sick: And personally if I were the maternal grandmother I would have serious reservations about my teenage grand-daughters spending that much time with a man who was only briefly married to their mother and is not blood related. That woman should RUN for her life.

An 18yo who is NOT his biological daughter moved in with him... why does Soon Yi Previn come to mind?

Well thankfully she's is only the wicked girlfriend and this point and can remove herself from this unhealthy enmeshment. I have a feeling Dear Prudence will be getting another letter very soon: "Dear Prudence, I am 18 and my stepfather who raised me has begun to have feelings for me and I for him...."

Even if these children were his biological children the fact that he is allowing an ADULT child to dictate his life this much is disturbing. As she said they can't even think about going on a trip over Christmas because of the kids.

Once I was an adult I was out. I still love my family very much and include my mom in a lot of my planning when it comes to trips BUT I don't demand she do it for me. It's her life.

This man is allowing these kids to be a wall between him and this woman. He is placing their every want and whim before her. She needs to get out of there.

Did Prudence not even read the letter?

She claims Mom is dead. Unless I misread, Mom is very much alive and has day-to-day custody. Also, Dad isn't absent. My guess is that Dad has EOWE or lives far enough away that he gets holidays. If Dad didn't sign away his rights when there is clearly another man willing to take on the responsibility, then Dad can't be too much of a deadbeat unless he is just an a-hole (which is possible, but given how enmeshed BF is with the girls, I'm guessing the former is the real deal).

BF is the one Prudie needs to be jumping on! He needed to back WAY the heck off so Dad could be more active and so the girls would look to their Dad for living arrangements and visitation. My guess is that Dad told SD18 that she couldn't live with him without rules, so she sucked up to BF who already had a fairly low opinion of Dad to begin with.

Point is, Letter Writer needs to RUN. She's not wrong in thinking that her BF needs to adjust his life to fit her, just as she needs to adjust hers for him and his "kids". I disagree that his relationships with the girls need to stop PROVIDED that the relationship is genuine AND the girls aren't PASed from Dad, but BF has to adjust and BE a parent. That means telling the kids how HIS life will run and how they will be involved, not the other way around.

I hope that poor woman finds STalk.

I read that too on Dear Prudence and I also thought her reply was so harsh!

I mean, the boyfriend was a stepfather for only 4 YEARS, before the kid's mother died. I understand that is enough time to create a bond, but 4 years is hardly a lifetime.

Also, these kids already have a father...but nevertheless, I also think the OP should run, because the SDs seem to really have a hold on him and the OP can't and won't be happy in this situation.

The fact that the 18YO ran to live with the step dad is just... weird. AND she's not in school or working and sponges off him? NOPE!

Dear Prudence is the worst when it comes to stepparent situations. She consistently gives advice that steppparents should "love stepchildren as their own" and that stepchildren should always take priority over the new spouse in a relationship.

She also once advised a woman to leave the state to pursue graduate school, even if her ex husband objected because even though the letter write admitted that her ex husband was a great father, she said that the ex husband was "mean" to her.

WTH... thus she must share a house with a non-blood relative, young horny female?

oh hell NO...

Woody Allen springs to mind, gross

This whole thing is sad...as are people's comments. Apparently, expecting your SO to parent is now considered 'evil' and 'monstrous' by most. We have no hope.