ot / my mom's friend and christmas dinner
My mom has this friend. I'll call her Ruth.
Ruth's husband passed away the week before my wedding, on my son's 15th bday. (Aug 30). His funeral was the day before my wedding. (Sept 2) My mom brought her to my wedding (Sept 3)
Ruth hit on our best man, dh's best friend, at the wedding. To each their own.... but I didn't appreciate her propositioning our best man to make use of one of my kids' bedroom for a short while.
(He turned her down, btw. He was disgusted.)
This friend now lives with my mom, in her spare room.
About 3 weeks ago, my mom mentioned she was planning on bringing Ruth to my home Christmas day for dinner. I told my mom I'd rather she didn't. Why? Why not? Be charitable, secret... she's all alone, secret... she has nowhere else to go, secret...
Little aside - the last few months, my mom has posted nothing else on facebook except how sh!tfaced she's been getting with the wine her and her bestie are drinking...that her bestie is pushing her for just one more drink....my mother previously didn't drink more than a glass of wine or so a week... Again, not my concern, I've said nothing. Another little aside - my mother owns a lawfirm. Ruth was "working" at the law firm, for 45k a year, as a glorified secretary... because they were "friends". I've never said a word about it, it's none of my business.
Yet... at the same time... the entire time Ruth was working for my mom, my mom would piss and moan about how lazy she was, about how rude she was with clients, that she was always taking time off, wanting raises, blah blah... again, I never said anything.
Anyway, there are many things over the years, she's never outright been mean or anything, she's just... well... a big city version of white trash, with money. IMO. She just rubs me the wrong way, I'm embarrassed to be around her.
Anyway, I try to avoid my mom's pushing to tell her why I preferred Ruth doesn't come... she pushes me - so I said fine, I don't want her there because for the last 20 years she has used and abused of your "charity", you've complained about her more than you've said nice things about her, she hit on my best man A DAY AFTER BURYING HER FOURTH HUSBAND, she's turning you into a lush, and though it's your life to live and you can do what you want, I don't have to put up with her, so don't bring her.
She says ok.
This morning, she confirms that they will BOTH be there for Christmas, they'll get there around 3pm.
I don't know that I can be nice about this.
Should I suck it up? Should I cancel dinner? Advice to tell my mom?
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Comments
Tell her she's not invited
Tell her she's not invited and if she comes to your home you'll have her police escorted off?...
That sounds harsh.. I just don't know how to get it through to her besides with force...
lol, as appealing as that is,
lol, as appealing as that is, I couldn't do that.
I forgot to mention in my OP that she has a grown daughter who lives in the area. It's not like she has nowhere to go.
Her daughter and I used to go to school together. From what I remember, it's pretty likely that Ruth has burnt her bridges with her daughter, too.
4th husband? Did the other 3
4th husband? Did the other 3 die too? A little suspicious when someone acts the way she does.
Yes, 4th husband. Yes, they
Yes, 4th husband. Yes, they all died.
1: died overseas during a business trip. He was the adult daughter's father.
2: freak work related accident
3: car accident, drunk driving
4: cancer
Not saying she had anything to do with any of it... but hitting on another man the day after you bury your husband surely sounds nuts to more than just myself.
Secret, are you sure they are
Secret, are you sure they are all dead? Sounds more like they may be hiding from Ruth.
Bahahahaha
Bahahahaha
ahahahaha yes. I knew the
ahahahaha yes. I knew the last 3, they were all in the last 15 years or so
Generally, yes, we're in a
Generally, yes, we're in a good place.
I'm not in a bad place with Ruth, really, I just can't stand her. DH thinks Ruth is a complete turd, the only time he met her was at our wedding.
My mom lives down the street from me - she wouldn't even have time to finish a cigarette, for the short distance. And, they have 4 dogs, so it's not like Ruth would be lonely for the few hours my mom would be over, ya know?
Ugggg. So did you give her a
Ugggg.
So did you give her a firm No you can not bring her or was it more of these are the reasons I don't want her here, you decide?
This also depends on the relationship you have with your Mom.
I know I could tell my Mom no, I don't want her here. We'd have it out but we've always been able to talk to each other and haven't needed ultimatums in our relationship.
Some relationships need ultimatums.
Can you set some boundaries? If she gets too drunk, she's leaving. If she hits on my husband, she's leaving?
You'll have to decide if this is a hill to die on.
After I told her all my
After I told her all my reasons, she said ok.
I assumed that meant ok, I won't bring her.
My fear is that IF she comes, something will happen that will make me tell Ruth off directly.
Go back and tell her No
Go back and tell her No outright.
Tell your Mom that Ruth makes you uncomfortable, you don't like her and don't want her in your house. If you were going to your Moms house that would be a different story.
If she still comes it might not be a bad thing to clear the air. Sometimes it's what's needed to move forward.
You told your Mom "no Ruth".
You told your Mom "no Ruth". She doesnt respect you on that.
Either you allow Mom to bring Ruth or Mom can uninvite herself.
I would make it clear to my Mother that I dont like Ruth, I dont want her in my home and they are both not invited. They can both find somewhere else to go. I am sure some bar somewhere will be open.
lol, the bar in my 2nd living
lol, the bar in my 2nd living room will work just fine.
I could always make it SUPER uncomfortable. Pre-set table with no setting for her, get quail and one per person, not enough of them... make individual desserts, not enough of them... but that's just petty, they'd know I'd have done it on purpose, because I'm known for cooking for double the amount of people.
secret, what was the point of
secret, what was the point of your saying no to your Mom if you were going to cave anyway on her bringing Ruth? I am quite surprised that you say no and then allow her to bring Ruth anyway.
(Not being argumentative, just really curious as to why you would do this as it seems a bit out of character for you. )
lol... though I do tend to
lol... though I do tend to not back down from bullies and b!tches with a bad attitude, Ruth hasn't really done anything "wrong". I don't really have a reason for not wanting her to come other than she rubs me the wrong way....
I haven't responded to my mom yet.
SMH....this is a hard one,
SMH....this is a hard one, Secret....I hate being told what is going to happen in my own house and while I may or may not have ended up inviting the merry widow, once I was told that she was coming anyway???? SHEW, makes my skin crawl....back to saying "oh hell no" one more time...I am sure you will figure out what works best for you, though...
I think I was just really
I think I was just really disgusted by her behavior the last time she was at my home, I'm not over it I guess.
I'd probably have extended the invitation if circumstances were different.
Remind your mom that you said
Remind your mom that you said no to extra guest. She may bring Ruth a plate and piece of pie when she goes home if she likes...you said no. It is very rude to invite someone in the first place. Doubly rude to bring them after they were specifically not invited.
Eh as much as it sucks, I
Eh as much as it sucks, I would just suck it up. If she propositions anyone then just proposition her right back to the door.
Geez. This brings back some
Geez. This brings back some horrible memories for me. I have a cousin who is so much like Ruth. She's like a bitch in heat and lusts after any man who looks halfway decent. She left her hubby to chase after boy toys, who were repelled by her.
We would have BBQ's and my family would all bring something to contribute, including their own drinks. Cuz would rok up with 5 of her kids..no food..no drinks.. and after helping herself to the bar, would then slither up to the men (both married & single) and try to flirt with them. She tried it on my exh a few times, until he told her to untangle her damn self off him and keep her distance.
I stopped inviting her and told my famz she was no longer welcome. Well. She would then show up with my Mum, who just couldn't say no to her. I finally had enough after she fell over the damn bar and then tried to drape herself over her eldest daughters bf. I lost it. I was halfway through BBQ'ing and I threw a sausage at her and told her if she was so damn horny she could stick that up where the sun didn't shine. Then I told her what a useless piece of shit she was, and the worst Mother I had ever met I told her to get her shit and get the eff out of my house. Her kids were welcome to stay, but she needed to go and she needed to go right the frig now.
Her eyes went huge and the waterworks started. My Mom was mortified and tried to calm me down. I stood my ground and told Cuz if she didn't go willingly, I'd drag her out by her hair. She left and we didn't speak for years. Last I heard, she'd moved overseas and married another cousin of ours, who is 20 years younger than her. Flamin' ghetto trash, feral beast can stay far away from me for good.
..... I like you.
..... I like you.
LOL! Thank you Secret - I
LOL! Thank you Secret - I think you're pretty cool too
Sometimes one just has to
Sometimes one just has to leave "conventional" behavior behind when dealing with horrid overreaching aholes.
I've sometimes shocked people with my responses to utter aholes who think that one can just press on with horrid behavior and no one will object.
One time a woman who had cheated with my EX came up and asked if she could join us at our table - I said "no". People were shocked. But why would I let this POS sit with me. But the best part was that I dumped the ahole BF soon after.