yikes...i would be bothered by that. if that was my fiance i would tell him to stop it. ok if just to say hi when he sees them on the street or something but to carry a relationship is a no, no for me.
Personally I have seen this kinda with my husbands family and his ex.. It bothered me and I told them all pretty much how it was going to be..
I would say that if they are respectful and mindful of your thoughts and feelings that I wouldn't let it bother you to much.. They may be really cool people.. And they may feel that there "cheater" in the family is an ass...
Talk to your fiance about how you feel, feel the situation out.. He may understand.. If he gets angry or does not understand put him in a situation or have him put the shoe on his foot, and you be the one who is friends with an ex's family members....
... both for your comments. It is nice to have a place to feel these situations out. It feels as though I have stepped into another's world, so it may take some time to become comfortable. We had a nice talk last night, so we'll see what happens. She (the ex) is somewhat controlling and seems to be part of (whether phoning, showing up, crying, etc) everything we do... she actually cried on the phone to him and to his aunt after he proposed to me... good grief!
I am wondering the same thing too. I have been dating for over a year & a half & my boyfriend is wanting to be involved w/ his ex's family b/c they have "history". I feel that him wanting to stay involved is a sign that he is not willing to let go of his relationship w/ his ex-wife. They were married 23+ years & she cheated on him & left him. His current family is okay except for his niece who is very jealous of me & has caused a rift. He just spent Mother's Day w/ his ex's family & yes left me at home saying that Mother's Day is about his mom & that I was being selfish by saying he shouldn't go over to his ex family's house (btw I wasn't invited by either them or him). He says that he shouldn't have to stop seeing his old family just b/c his niece and I can't get along. Also from here on out he will share his holidays w/ them & me. He says if I want to be a part of it all then I need to work things out. I'm not the one that started this rift she did by taking it upon herself to do a background check on me. I just don't know if it's right for someone to stay involved w/ their ex's family... any advice?
Hi Wondering, I understand how you feel completely. My soon to be new husband was very close to his ex wife's family for many years after they divorced. He still went to every ex-family function, gathering, BBQ, event etc.. and spend quite a lot of time with the ex wife too. Then I came along It took some time and persistance, and I admit, I went along with some of these ex-family functions - for a while... But it does not work to keep the ex life alive in a new relationship and new step family situation. I ended up demaning things change - ex wife is no longer welcome at social functions involving us or our home and I do not participate in any of the ex-family activities anymore either.
Having said all that, you cannot stop his relationship with the ex-family if he chooses to see them occassionally. But YOU do not have to be involved and have to suffer through it. It is emotionally charged to sit in a living room with your partners ex-wife and ex-family surrounded by all the wedding photos etc. of a life that no longer exists.
wondering...
yikes...i would be bothered by that. if that was my fiance i would tell him to stop it. ok if just to say hi when he sees them on the street or something but to carry a relationship is a no, no for me.
-happy mom
I too have say
Personally I have seen this kinda with my husbands family and his ex.. It bothered me and I told them all pretty much how it was going to be..
I would say that if they are respectful and mindful of your thoughts and feelings that I wouldn't let it bother you to much.. They may be really cool people.. And they may feel that there "cheater" in the family is an ass...
Talk to your fiance about how you feel, feel the situation out.. He may understand.. If he gets angry or does not understand put him in a situation or have him put the shoe on his foot, and you be the one who is friends with an ex's family members....
Thank you...
... both for your comments. It is nice to have a place to feel these situations out. It feels as though I have stepped into another's world, so it may take some time to become comfortable. We had a nice talk last night, so we'll see what happens. She (the ex) is somewhat controlling and seems to be part of (whether phoning, showing up, crying, etc) everything we do... she actually cried on the phone to him and to his aunt after he proposed to me... good grief!
Ex-families
I am wondering the same thing too. I have been dating for over a year & a half & my boyfriend is wanting to be involved w/ his ex's family b/c they have "history". I feel that him wanting to stay involved is a sign that he is not willing to let go of his relationship w/ his ex-wife. They were married 23+ years & she cheated on him & left him. His current family is okay except for his niece who is very jealous of me & has caused a rift. He just spent Mother's Day w/ his ex's family & yes left me at home saying that Mother's Day is about his mom & that I was being selfish by saying he shouldn't go over to his ex family's house (btw I wasn't invited by either them or him). He says that he shouldn't have to stop seeing his old family just b/c his niece and I can't get along. Also from here on out he will share his holidays w/ them & me. He says if I want to be a part of it all then I need to work things out. I'm not the one that started this rift she did by taking it upon herself to do a background check on me. I just don't know if it's right for someone to stay involved w/ their ex's family... any advice?
Suffering the ex-family syndrome.....
Hi Wondering, I understand how you feel completely. My soon to be new husband was very close to his ex wife's family for many years after they divorced. He still went to every ex-family function, gathering, BBQ, event etc.. and spend quite a lot of time with the ex wife too. Then I came along
It took some time and persistance, and I admit, I went along with some of these ex-family functions - for a while... But it does not work to keep the ex life alive in a new relationship and new step family situation. I ended up demaning things change - ex wife is no longer welcome at social functions involving us or our home and I do not participate in any of the ex-family activities anymore either.
Having said all that, you cannot stop his relationship with the ex-family if he chooses to see them occassionally. But YOU do not have to be involved and have to suffer through it. It is emotionally charged to sit in a living room with your partners ex-wife and ex-family surrounded by all the wedding photos etc. of a life that no longer exists.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!