It finally happened... we broke up.. kinda
I have to say… I checked this site daily to see when it went back up, and when it did- the irony of all that had happened- well.. sucks.
We cancelled the wedding. He decided he wasn’t really over his divorce, and asked me to move out of the home we just bought, so he could recenter himself, and get himself to the point where he could be happily ever after again. I obliged. (I wasn’t on the mortgage yet, but had put significant savings into the house- which Im getting back.) We have yet to see his daughter to tell her. Some of you might remember that the little girl’s only issue really was- wanting to grow up so fast. In moving- he found love letters from his ex, and she ‘helped’ this process along by sending a few really, really inappropriate things, (pictures, letters,) and finally wrote us a letter about how ‘fast’ we moved, ‘and how it would damage us.’ (Guess who dumped me after he read that letter?) (Keep in mind this is the same woman who is still dating the man she cheated on my ex-fi with.) So… I found a place- a killer townhouse for my daughter and I, put the security deposit down and focused on getting independent again, and moving on. ….until….
I get a love letter from him. (At this point until the 17th, I have to stay there until the townhouse becomes vacant.) I’m refusing to put any of MY money towards anything, since I have to save for my own place. In the letter he states he wants us to sleep over at each others houses, once a week, and include each other’s children in our lives. He just wants his space to work things through. (Note: About 48 hours ago, I almost went off at him about what he was going to use ‘his space’ about, and now.. really… I’m not sure I care.) I don’t think he’s going to go back to the hedonistic Ex. But I do think that the stress of buying the house- moving the kids, always ensuring everyone but us is emotionally intact, and then the ex- killed a part of us I’m not sure we’ll get back.
Am I heartbroken? Totally. But I can’t make him want us to stay. He’s been crying non-stop, (GOOD!) about making the decision, and last night when I asked for his help in picking up couches I bought for my new place, he said, “Maybe there’s a different way.” I kept my foot firm.
Last night- though… he had texted the ex. (There’s was a no communication except for drop offs and pickups rule since the last time we were over there she decided to reminisce in front of me and make me feel as uncomfortable as possible.) She texted back and he asked for the phone and I saw the name- so? I opened it. “Okay, you can have them.” (It was innocent enough- she had said he could have more stuff from the house.) However… I think they’re going to go back to their old ways. However? At least now… I don’t have to give a crap.
Anyone else go through this?
Better now than later.......
I can tell ya, I know that you are in pain. I bet you never thought that dealing with an ex could be this painful....but it is,
I know the feeling all to well of sharing a husband with an ex. I married a yr ago and left a month ago (though i was my own doing). I could not handle being married to the BOTH of them.
Its really hard. Though Im sure great for their ego....but what are we to do ? sit and take it? Sure, we can, but that too will get old.
GO WITH YOUR GUT.
You found a great place to live for you and your daughter ! AWESOME good for you........move on with your life, be happy.....he is not over her, or possibly just has not cut all of the emotional ties as of yet....and this could take some time. Men move too quick from 1 marriage to another these days because they need us women. But moving to quickly is only at the expense of our hearts & sanity.
If they do get back together, then great for them, and even better for you........you do not, and can not, nor would you be happy living life with someone who is still stuck on someone else.
Trust me.
get out while the gettin's good
Although it's going to be difficult for you now, you are SO much better in getting out BEFORE any long-term commitment is made.
You deserve someone who is ready to place you FIRST in his life. Clearly this man is not. And if you go through with this relationship, you will spend a great deal of time ''looking over your shoulder'' to see if SHE is also there with you (emotionally speaking). And over time, it will eat you alive. And you deserve so much more in your marriage.
Move on from this toxic man and is toxic ex wife. It sounds like they deserve each other. And you and your daughter deserve much better!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
A thought
-Do you think his idea of taking it slow will work?
I dont know. I adore him and his kiddo.
Strength and self esteem
You have a great opportunity to find someone decent and stable. He has basically been cheating on you, and has told you in EVERY way his ex will always be in the picture. Thats not a good future, but
you now can find a decent man with better values and even one without children and certainly one that doesn't keep the ex on the back burner!
We can only try not to make the same mistake the 2nd time around, please don't give him the time of day. Let him have his ex since he put her above you and your child.
taking 'what' slow?
The games by the ex? The inevitable heartache you will face when he FINALLY realizes that, yes, he definitely wants to be with her, only after stringing you along for another 6 months???
Didn't you ever hear of that old expression, ''shit or get off the pot''?
Well that's what he wants to do with you by 'taking things slow'- he wants to stay on the pot and have it both ways while he figures out which relationship will work out better for him in the end.
I wouldn't stand for that if I were you, but you asked for an opinion, so I gave you one, sweetie.
I'm telling you right now, I know this is hard, but you have a WONDERFUL opportunity to walk away. I'd grab it and go.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis