sorry this is sooo long and thank you in advance for your opinion. The backround is my husband's ex told his daughter I was a liar about the seat belt law for GA. The first email is me asking her not to say that and you can read on from there. The seat belt law in GA is 6 and under need a seatbelt but there are guidelines which she refers to. The email chain starts at the bottom and goes from there. Thanks again.

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HER

xxxx you do not wish to engage in these email exchanges, then PLEASE stop starting them. Now you're inventing history. . Never told you xxxx had body issues. What I told you was that I had major body image issues, and as such, I was very intent on breaking that cycle and not giving that legacy to my child. Ask xx about that one. He knows my history and thoughts on that well. Believe me when I say that I would be perfectly happy if I never hear from you again. Your email below detailing what is wrong with my children and their upbringing highlights brilliantly why having you as one of the biggest influences in my children's lives is one of my biggest sorrows. I only hope that the influence you have doesn't have as much impact as I fear it will. Your ideas about kids are ludicrous. You think every single one of them should fit in one single mold? How strange. What constitutes "coddling" a child? Putting them in a booster seat that every safety guideline recommends? Being a stay at home mom? Giving them affection and love? Actually being around them and being the one to take care of them? Providing them with many opportunities for independence and fun/life experiences that give them confidence? (and yes Mary, there is a huge difference between confidence and shyness). Providing them an environment where neighborhood kids and friends and family are in and out of our house all day? Perhaps not coddling them means allowing Raymond to watch a movie where a man shoots himself in the head? (imagine my surprise when I my NEIGHBOR tells me that xxxxxxx says he watched this movie at your house). Get a grip, and perhaps invest in some books on child behavior and development. Yes, please, let's not email anymore. I'd be very happy with that scenario.

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ME

No the email I sent was not about the kids safety, that is another issue. It was about you calling me a liar to an eight year old, doesn't seem that hard to understand but you obviously have trouble with communication. I don't know if you have selective memory or will just say anything to be right. Over a year ago when we met for breakfast you told me xxxx had issues with weight. It wasn't that long ago? xxx has never had issues with self confidence until a couple of months ago but it is much better now. I couldn't understand where it was coming from but I do now. There are many things I don't want my child picking up from your kids, but I can only work with whats in front of me. If I don't encourage your coddling behavior with the kids it is because I don't want my kid thinking that is OK. Don't you find it unusual that an eight year old is too afraid of people to ask for a condiment and asks a four year old to do it.? Do you think it's normal that a seven year old boy with his own money buys hand sanitizer instead of a toy? That he tattles evey five minutes? I am sure from your pious perch you think you are right but you are setting him up for ridicule and disappointment.. I find your tone and words extremely insulting. It is obvious your objective is not the kids, it about you being right. Please don't respond as I find this to be a big wast of time.
----- Original Message -----

HER

Finding it hard that you cannot understand that the point of the emails you started is about the kids safety.

Regarding xxxx weight, it's funny that you should make a judgment about that when doctors have never even mentioned it in the 8 and 1/2 years that she's gone to the doctor. The only comment I have ever gotten is that she continues to develop very well and is in the range of normal (25th percentile which is in the range of normal). I am 5'2" and as such was in the same percentile growing up. Are you implying that every girl has to grow to be 5'7"? Kids are different sizes and weights at different ages, that is why there is a "normal" range. (And, speaking on topic, that is exactly why child safety guidelines focus more around weight and height than age, as age is not a predictor of weight and height).

Feel free to consult a doctor or the published growth tables about that on Elisabeth's weight if you are concerned. She has never been fixated on her weight around me, nor does she have any reason to do so as that is a subject that is not discussed except when they bring up you and your bringing up your own weight or when I try impart to my children the idea/value that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. So forgive me if I will trust a medical professional over you with regards to my daughter's health and if wish for my children to have a positive body image no matter if they are big or small or inbetween. Please stop looking for things wrong in my daughter...so far you have told me she doesn't know how to be a girl (implying that she hasn't been taught by me?), but at the same time acts too proactively with her body, and now that her weight is not adequate in your eyes. Makes me wonder where the origin of xxx own self image issues came from that you told me about months ago. And if you don't like that comment, you will begin to understand exactly how I feel when you make judgments and assessments about my daughter xxxx. BTW, please notice that xxxx name is spelled with an "s", not a "z".

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ME
Subject: Re:

I am not arguing that booster seats should be used. I don't even understand what point it is you are trying to make in most of your email but I get the sense you don't approve of the way the children are treated here or the way they spend there time. I could go on an on about the way you and xxx are raising your children and the ham you are inadvertently doing to them but it really isn't my place to do so. I am not going to change who I am to fit your idea of what is and isn't acceptable. If I want to lose ten pounds before I quit smoking, so what? I never said I was on a no eating plan, I am just not eating what they do and from what I am told, neither do you. If I have an opinion on xxxx weight, I will share it with her. If you don't know that she is too skinny for her age then there is a real problem. She seems to be fixated on weight and I believe she has had that issue for quite some time, well before I met her. It's not healthy that an almost nine year old fits into and wears all of my four year olds clothes. It would be nice to be able to have a normal conversation or email with you about the kids. I do care for them and believe it or not I do want what's best for them. My daughter adores them and I think they enjoy her as well. I just don't appreciate being called a liar and that was all I was trying to get across to you in my email. Trying to blend two families is hard and although you haven't had to deal with it yet, it sounds like you will. We each have our own ways of parenting and of course everyone wants to believe theirs is the right one. xxxx and I don't agree on many issues so I really don't expect you to but I do hope that we can listen to what each other have to say and think it through so that our kids can benefit without being sanctimonious about it.
----- Original Message -----
HER

Your thoughts on child restraint are fairly evident as you and xxx do not adequately restrain xxxx when there is a choice to be made between three children. I've never had a discussion with xxx about age requirements. xxx, that's is exactly my point. It's NOT about age requirement, it about weight and height and doing what's right and safe for the children. It's about the children, it's not about me, it's not about you, it's not about xxx. And I will continue to teach xxxx right from wrong. It's disturbing that your primary concern is getting into semantics about me using the word with xxx "lie" versus "wrong." Gosh, okay, I concede...I should have said "please don't allow xxx to teach my child wrong/unsafe practices anymore" vs. having said "please stop allowing xxx to lie to my child..." So now that we're past the semantics of the issue, can we focus on what is right and safe for the children?! I will gladly show xxx the safety law and regulations and allow her to make her own judgment on what the meaning of the guidelines 4'9" and 60lbs means. Unbelievable that you two are having such a hard time with simply doing what is in the best interest of our children., I will not stand down on anything regarding the safety of my children and I would hope you would treat my children in the same way you would treat your own.

xxx, I could go on and on about the things the kids come back and tell me about their time with you and xxx and how that is spent and the many things I take issue with and disagree with. I've learned I have to chose my battles now, so I very rarely bring anything up anymore. But safety of my children will always be a battle I'm willing to fight.

Also, before you and xxx suggest that I have put things into my child's head about our married relationship and subsequent divorce, I suggest you probe further to understand the mind of what that nind year old is thinking and what her frame of reference is. I have absolutely never said anything bad about xxx or you to the kids (unless you think me reinforcing the idea that smoking is an unhealthy habit is saying something bad...or me reinforcing a healthy body image and trying to negate the impact of you saying things like "I need to loss 10 lbs before I stop smoking" and "I am on a no eating diet..." and "xxxx, you're too skinny"). It is particularly insulting as I have gone out of my way to say positive and supportive things to my children about the two of you so that they are not put in the position of feeling the stress between us. Having a conversation with xxxx after getting that email from xxx, I learned that her frame of reference was from before the divorce and a vague ideas she developed during that timeframe.

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ME

Did you read my email? You stated I was lying about the age requirements for the seatbelt law in GA to XXXX. I did not lie about it and asked you not to say or infrer that. I did not email you about my thoughts on child restraint but believe I indicated such in the email.

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HER

Not sure I understand your point. Isn't the primary concern here the safety of our children? Did you read the literature you just sent me under "4 steps for children"? XXX is neither 4'9" tall nor is she 60 lbs. Please read below one of several emails I have sent XXX in the past on this issue...
Since I'm sure we're all more concerned about safety of our children (versus doing very least we can do to get by without getting arrested), I am confident we will all be on the same page after you both decide to put the children's safety first.

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ME First email

xxx,
Before you accuse me of lying, I suggest you research what it is your contradicting. I prefer the kids to be in booster seats but I do not lie and would appreciate you not suggesting that I do.
Thanks,