Just a question....
Forums:
How many of you have ex's that are in relationships and how do you get along with their signifigant others? I guess we know how it feels to be the sm, so how are we to our bc's sm? Just kind of curious.
My situation is good, I have a good working realationship with my ex and the sm and I get along good we really try to work for what is best for the kids.
Wasn't a problem
I was very lucky. I hardly EVER talked to my ex. I can't stand him to be honest with you and my son and my ex didn't really reconnect til my son was in middle school so it was a lot easier. I never met my Ex's new wife but I spoke with her on the phone and we were always very cordial to one another. They lived over an hour away so my son would usually take the train. I NEVER called my son when he was with his dad - that was their time - for the weekend. If my son felt like calling me he did. My Ex or his wife would call me to let me know they had put my son on the train and it would be okay thanks bye. One time my ex's wife called me because my ex didn't let me know that they were going to a wedding and she called to ask me if he reminded me which I said no and my son doesn't have any dress shirts and she was like no problem I have to run out for my other kids I will pick one up for him. Wow - thanks! Ya know! Well when my son came back that sunday he also had a few new pairs of jeans and tennis shoes which he told me that my ex's wife had bought him because she was buying stuff for the other kids too. I thought that was really nice of her and I called her - very briefly - just to tell her that I appreciated her getting things for him too and she said of course EMA we enjoy having BS here and he is part of the family. Did that upset me? No - not in the least I was happy that my son had a stepmom that thought about my son at all and I was grateful. Also I have actively dated since my ex and I divorced and could care less about him - I was too busy with my OWN LIFE. So it pisses me off to read a lot of posts on this site about how UNGRATEFUL these bm's are for every thing and how vindictive and controlling they are. It makes me sick! I also read your previous post and I am so sorry for the crap that you have gone through. I think if the skids where causing that much trouble I would not have them in your home period - he should not jeopardize his marriage and family. Your DH can seem them somewhere else!
it is good
My ex and i get along great and his girlfriend as well she will phone me for recipes and things like that.We are all very open about my son and my son also sees this and he gets the best of both worlds.My son has told me that he has some pretty great parents and because he sees this he respects our significant others because he doesnt feel pulled apart that is extremly important.
I'm new to being a SM
but my kids have had a SM that was involved in their lives since before their dad and I were divorced. There were some issues, understandably, in the beginning in the way I FELT about her (and him), but I still treated them with respect, never said a bad word about either of them, actively encouraged my kids fostering a good relationship with SM, etc. Now, 7 years later, we get along fine. We do things together that involve the kids (school plays, basketball games, parent teacher conferences, etc.). We even shop together for school supplies and school clothes every fall. When we vacation, we pick up a souvenier for BF and SM, I have them make a craft for SM for Mother's day (as I do for my SD's BM), they call on the other parent's birthdays and anniversary, etc.
I realize that we are not the norm, but our kids are just great and I think that the relationship that we adults have plays a HUGE part in that. I think their dad is a schmuck, he's irresponsible and selfish. SM is a practicing wiccan with facial tattoos and piercings and multicolored hair. However, none of that matters. They love our kids and our kids love them. They treat them well and all the rest of it is just simply no concern of mine.
I wish my SDs BM was more like me
In the beginning, it was strange..
She was living in "MY HOUSE" (I left as we were not getting along and, due to my retirement plan which is much better than his, I let him have the house so I could keep my retirement), and I thought it was strange.
It took about 4-5 years for all of us to "get used" to the situation and, as I tell people when asked, I actually like HER more than I like XH!!! She is a lot like me, actually, she is always busy....she even likes METAL music.
Granted, we don't "hang out" together, but I have no problem dropping her an Email (maybe a few times a year!!) if I need to their help regarding BD (now 16!!) For example, H and I are going to Cancun in a few weeks for a long weekend....so, guess who has "police duty".....XH and his wife, and I know they'll do a great job making sure they call, "pop in", etc. so there's no funny business!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
My boys SM
came into the picture pretty quickly after me and my ex divorced (no, she wasn't the reason for our divorce) so I was a little surprised by the whole thing, but the only TRUE concern I had at the time was for my boys, who were 11 and 8 at the time.
So I asked them:
*Is she nice to you? (yes)
*Does she make your dad happy? (yes)
*Do you like her? (yes)
And that was all I needed to know!
Especially the first part, because my oldest son has Down Syndrome, so the fact that she was accepting of him was extremely important to me.
Then I met her. There was never any threat or competition or animosity. There was only appreciation (on my part) that she was loving of my boys and took good care of them when they were in her care. She and my ex invited me into their home. I did the same.
We never exchanged heated emails or nasty phone messages- there was never a time when that was necessary, because all our communication has been amicable. My mother has invited her to her home for dinner as recently as last month, when she picked up the boys from her house. Yes, it CAN be that good!
And the reason why things are like this, between my ex's new wife and I? Because we are BOTH mature, rational, sane adults, who clearly have the best interests of the children at heart.
When I look at the relationship (or lack thereof) between me and DHs ex, I shake my head in wonder and think, "Why does it HAVE it be like THIS??"
And then I remember..."Oh, that's right, because she's CRAZY!"
It's as plain and simple as that.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
I totally agree...
I think children do need the reassurance from the bp that it is ok to have a relationship with the step parent. I know my bc have that from both myself and their father and it ultimately makes their lives better. I really think it is sad that some bm's cannot get that through their heads. They would rather destroy their childrens emotional stability than work together to give their children a good strong life.They are too busy screwing with the sm and ex's life to realize or even care what emotional termoil it is causing their children. And then the kids think that is ok to treat people like that.
Right now I feel that being a sm is the worst job in the world, and if I would have known then what I would be going through, I would have never made the life commitment. I feel really sad saying that but my sk's and bm make me want to run for the hills!!!!
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."
Ladies, I am humbled by your character.
That many of you get along with your XH's and your BioKids SMoms is an inspiration.
If only my SS's BioDad would pull his head out and actually be a Dad, I could change my tune.
But that ain't happenin so I will sing the same old song.
He is an idiot.
Best regards,
Oh trust me I think my ex is
Oh trust me I think my ex is an idiot, and I get along better with his wife than with him. But I see what I am going through with bm, and I would never want to be that way.
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."
Same here
My ex had one long-term gf that loved the kids. She did all of the drop-offs and pick-ups. We got along great. I called to get her opinion when I was going to cut my BD's hair short. She even did me a favor and picked up one of the kids when they were ill...and brought them home...after a warm bath and soup! I was thrilled! My ex is an ass (but we are amicable) so they she ended up leaving him. As long as the woman is good to my babies, then I have NO problem with her. In fact, I welcome the support!
I had a stepfather growing up and we are very close still today. In fact, when I married DH in 2006 I had my Bio dad on one side and my Step dad on the other, walking me down the aisle. In fact we joked that guests would think they were a gay couple because when the preacher asked "who gives this woman away" they had to say "we do"...ha!
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
I like her better than him
My ex's wife is very nice, she treats my boys well and they like her.
in the beginning I was not too thrilled about it but she proved to be a kind person and I grew to like her. still hate him tho..
but I am amicable for my sons.
ugh ...
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I do
I do get along very well with my ex and his gf and my son as well.BUT my husbands ex is a pshyco from hell and continues to make our lives hell i did try to be nice to her in the beginning but i caught on real fast how she truly was and we try not to even speak with her all she does is swear and yell and call names.There is no being nice to her at all.