Why am I feeling so guilty?
About 3 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an "emotional affair" with someone at work(see my last post). My husband told me how he feels like we are just friends but not really connected do to the way I treated him over the last year but he still loves me. He then went on to tell me how unhappy i have been with him(somewhat true) and that he can't live like this anymore. I told him how sorry I was and I never ment to hurt him and would like to work on our marriage. But he told me its over as he will never be happy with me just content and wants to be with this other person.
He goes on to tell me this other person treats him so much better and this is why he is leaving. I feel so bad as I feel I drove my husband away by my actions. He tells me how much he still loves me but refuses to give us anouther chance.
Please don't do this to
Please don't do this to yourself. He is a selfish piece of shit. You need to move on and leave him behind, he is not worth your tears and certainly not your guilt. The whole "I did this because of the way you treated me is BS" Every couple has ups and downs and they don't all bail. I know it's hard but walk away, don't ask him to stay. You will be glad you didn't down the road. Lean on your friends and family right now and remember we are here for you. It is tough right now but I promise it gets easier.
That is pure BULL SHIT
Blaming his affair on you is Pure BS. If he was unhappy in the marriage he needed to come to you and explain that so the two of you could work on your marriage. This is an easy out for him. I would think long and hard before begging him to stay with you. Until he takes responsibility for his actions he won't be worth taking back.
It too will end...
He will move on to the next feel good, then she'll slack off stroking his ego and he'll move on to the next feel good.
Some people are beyond redemption and incapable of having a relationship with anyone. They love themselves too much to love others...
(((((Hugs)))))
The worst part is he is still living with me trying
to make up his mind what he is going to do. It would have been(for me)easier if I just can home and he was gone. But the fact he has not moved out and acts like we are one big happy family when we have SS is killing me. He tells me how sorry he is and how much guilt he has but how can he sleep in the same bed with me and not feel guilty? The worst part is I feel he openly disrespects me by texting,hiding in his car on the phone, telling me he "loves" this other person when he knows how it makes me feel. He just tells me he just being honest and would I rather him lie but I feel hes just being lazy/inconsiderate and does not care about my feelings.
I sometimes think he does/says these things as hes a coward and hopes that I will throw him out when I had enough.
Make it up FOR him
No one deserves that type of treatment.
No matter how much it feels like your world is ending, it isn't. A whole new world with someone who respects you awaits.
Good luck, love. You can do this.
Oh no, honey
This man needs to shit or get off the pot. I know it's easier said than done, but if it was me I would pack his stuff and when he gets home tell him to take him and his shit and go live elsewhere. I'd be damned if my H told me he was in love with someone else and still had the nerve to sleep in the same bed with me at night. No way...he would find himself on the outside peeping in.
Sarah 1971 .... This might not be nice...but BOTH OF YOU
in my opinion, need to look at the contributing factors to where this marriage is.
I understand the whole "He's playing you into feeling guilty and not taking responsibility"... BUT ... the truth is.. BOTH OF YOU are responsible. So yes, I'm sorry... but there MAY BE some things you should feel guilty about. There MAY BE some truth to what he is feeling.
JUST LIKE THERE IS TRUTH TO WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND GOING THROUGH.
The only way you guys can get through this, in my opinion, is counseling. It's going to be hard with him because he's thinking short term gratification and selfishly. That's where he IS WRONG in this. He told you and he might be playing a game with you. Like.... wanting you to feel bad. Does that make sense?
You both need to decide if you want this marriage. Not just him. He is not completely innocent. Go at him with that attitude , if you can. Like you are right. I have been unhappy, because of THINGS YOU DID as well. However, I am not completely ready to call this off. Can we do counseling together and separately to see if we can figure this out?
And if he says, No, and that it's too late. Then, honey, I'm sorry. Truly. Just let him go and get yourself some help. If you can. Try to get yourself some help. A good counselor will help you see ALL SIDES of what happened with your husband. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You may find that right now, your ego is hurt more than you realize and that maybe, just maybe, he is doing you a favor.
Hugs honey!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I agree with you stick we BOTH are responsible...
I have told him i'm sorry and I forgave him for straying and told him I want us to work on fixing our problems. I also told him I would like to go for counseling but he told me hes not sure he wants to work on our relationship. This was 2 weeks ago and he still has not told me what he plans to do.
Whats upsetting for me is he tells me how sorry he is and how hard this is for him BUT rather than taking time to think things over alone hes out partying till the wee hours with friends. I hired a PI to follow him last night and he got pics of my husband walking in the park laughing having a great time with his mistress. Then the PI followed them to a co-workers house where they watched a movie together. To me this does not sound like someone who feels guilty about what they are doing to me.
Hmmmm, from reading this, it
Hmmmm, from reading this, it sounds to me as though he wants to have his cake and eat it too. If he cared about you AT ALL, he would have the decency to:
(1) find somewhere else to live while he "figures it out"
(2) not insult you by texting the other woman in your presence and going out with her while you take care of SS
I find what he's doing extremely hurtful to you and selfish of him. If you two can bounce back from this with counseling, that's great! But, he sounds like he's content with you being in limbo because he knows should things fall through with this other chick, that you'll forgive him. Tough place to be in, and really, I do sympathize with you, but you DO have some control over your own happiness and this situation. Not saying it'll be easy, but stop worrying about him and start taking care of yourself. Engage whatever support network you have. Friends, family, hobbies etc. Time to circle the wagons and take care of YOU.
Sarah honey
How are you doing??
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***