big happy family ?
H told me he wants it to where his kids can come over and spend the day with him. I have trouble with his daughter doing this as last time she was here, she looked at me and demanded one thing from me...
and that was to know whose house it was because she wanted to be able to bring her friends over to party.
I told her she couldn't do that and the house was none of her business.
Now husband tells me he has this fantasy and I am thinking something is wrong with him to even suggest this big happy family senserio in his head because even when he was married to his previous wife, the mother of his children there was no big happy family situation.
He told me his ex always went over the top with gifts for the kids and made him feel left out and unsubstancial as she never consulted or worked with him concerning anything about the purchases.
So he wants something that is unrelaitic and he told me when he could have his daughter over to make a big happy famiuly and I told him the truth... if ever it would be at least 5 to 10 years after she has made AMMENDS with ME, not him...
( why so long? because she will have to prove to me I can trust her to me in my home and so far I have seen nothing like that from her)
I'm thinking after this conversation and hearing what my husband wants, I should go back to work. My husband told me to quit, but I'm thinking I should go back to college now and get my masters degree. As I see it today, the problem with life is men.
They want things of selishness and I don't think I will ever date or marry again. It's just not worth it.
How about you and ideas about one big happy family?
I think that is a myth as I don't see it anywhere, not even in a fantasy in my life. To have his daughter over, screaming cuss at me and calling me names is more a nightmare, not a dream.
She has never apolgized to me... never been kind or said anything kind to me, only screaming and demands, once she even called her mother and told her to come over because I was abusing her !
That kind of person who tells those kind of lies about someone is dangerous and I don't want to end up dishing out all my hard earned money on legal fees.
I'm feeling so disgusted today.
My marriage is falling apaprt and its because my husbands expecations are not realisitc.
The way he is with his kids
The way he is with his kids is... he does not see anything bad about them. If he does, he justifies it somehow.... he only sees them through rose colored glasses.
His kids are in fact not the greatest of people, his son is lazy and unmotivated but has no behavior issues. His daughter is obnoxious/ bad attitude, huge sense of ego and entitlement and very selfish/demanding ( behavior issues) but he sees them as normal and there is no problem.
This big happy family senerio he's dreaming of and trying to make me the bad guy in as to why its not going to happen in my house.... he's very unrealistic.
I don't trust his daughter at all, not to mention, she tends to try to boss me around and when I tell her I'm not doing it, she cries "A B U S E " and that worries me, worried more so when she was underage as I have a professional license and ebven the accusation showing up on my record could cost me dearly.
I don't know what husbands problem is, but if he keeps it up he will certainly destroy this marriage with his fantasies.
to note: its too bad his daughter won't be getting her own place one day, because then he could go visit her in his fantasy world. She lives with her mother and always will....
when his daughter dates ( since she was 15) her mother just lets the biys move in. His daughter will always live with her mother and not get her own place unless something drastic happens like her mother dies, even then... she will just live in the house as its paid for.
My husband has a fantasy world, he gets tears in his eyes talking about it, it makes me feel sick to hear him talking about it. It's my house... hate to thinjk of what his demands would be if we owned it legally in a joint situation ( which we don't)
As far as him correcting their behavior, mostly he sees nothing to correct. Even when his daughter is dressed like she is about to do some lap dances, he says she is dressed ok...
if his son is failing school, he says he will be ok and graduate high school and be able to get a job.
In his eyes, they are normal kids, just like any others, they do nothing wrong and if they do, they don't actually mean it or fully understand what their doing...
so yeah I guess..
although he has been telling his daughter to cool it quite a bit... not consistant but has begun to tell her to knock it off now and then or grow up ( he started that fairly recently).
She calls me names, aploghizes to him in private, he forgives her and then asks me to open up to her...
its real hard for me to accept
and I do not see any chance of his dreams coming true. Not with me anyway.
OMG I just realized after
OMG
I just realized after reading this that is exactly my DH! He believes someday all of us are going to be one big happy family - same here - not with me. I have 4 skids - they pretty much ruin any kind of happy thoughts I am lucky to have.
There will be no big happy
There will be no big happy family here either and this is why...
His daughter has mental issues, that is without a doubt and she lies.... she is only wanting her fathers financial assistance and to entertain her. She has bad attitude and I can't see that changing much. Maybe she will be able to contain herself for short periods, but that will be the extent of it... for her to contain herself. I find her aggressive and scary to be around basically... too many head games for me and thus... she will never be in my house without extreme supervision as she is one who can't be trusted.
Will be no BIG HAPPY FAMILY like in my husbands imagination. That dream ended when he divorced and I am not filling in his ex's shoes, they are not my kids and I don't even care for his daughter as she has made many threats to me and only sworn at me until recently.... one 20 minutew meeting with her father as she is wanting money from him and trying to be nice so he gives it to her.