He's coddling her.... HELP!
OK My DH is possibly the sweetest man alive.... to a fault! I'm 26 I have two SDs 17/15 SD 15 is awesome (and let me just mention we don't really say I'm a parent for the most part, SD 17 feels as though since it's physically imposible we shouldn't go there... I'm ok with that. We agreed when we got married I was his wife, and not their Mom because of the age issues) Anyways... SD 17 leaves for college on the other side of the country in August. She is absolutely spoiled, my husband is just one of those Dad's who has a soft spot (and let me also mention we aren't quite swimming in wealth like much of the country right now) Now, although I said I wouldn't parent, I refuse to watch my husband get stepped on! All week I've been getting more and more annoyed by stuff. "Daddy my DVD player doesn't work... (because she's too lazy to even try turning it on)" up my DH goes during our cuddle time to save SD17 from herself. "I need a towel" Me: "They're in the cupboard upstairs" DH leaves breakfast table at 5am while he's already running late to go get sd17 a towel (god forbid she have to go up and down a flight of stairs). To top if off she's seeing a boy a few towns over, driving OUR car (we bought it it's ours) and using our toll pass, but doesn't tell her dad she's leaving town!!!! Because it was dinner at her Mom's that night. Am I completely off base when I say he needs to seriously buckle down on this? Is there a nicer way to approach this? HELP!!!! I truly feel he's doing her an injustice by enabling her laziness amoung other things!
Don't address it as how it
Don't address it as how it is affecting you. Try "SD17 is almost an adult and I fear that you doing all of these things for her are inhibiting her ability to learn independence which are going to cause her problems next year when she goes to school. I understand you feel like you're losing your baby because she is going off to school, but it is your responsibility to prepare her for that, not hang on to her." I don't even allow dh to get stuff for SD5. My mantra is "she needs to learn to do things for herself, don't enable her to go through life without the ability to take care of herself". If she can't get her dvd to work, she shouldn't be able to watch a movie. Period. If SD5 complains she can't open something, we respond "I guess you don't want it that badly" and go about our business. He is stunting her growth by catering to her.
As for the car issue, you and dh would be held responsible if she were in an accident and sued. This is a financial security issue and should be addressed as such. Her bf should be coming to her.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I tried addressing it as
I tried addressing it as such, and he just sort of shrugs it off. I don't know how to make him realize this? It's wonky with the insurance too... Her mother insures her and we insure the car. I guess if anything happens she's supposed to say she's borrowing the car, but bottom line is I don't think any child has the right to take off in Daddy's car and not inform him of where she is going!!! I especially don't think leaving town is acceptable. He hates the idea of making waves, but I'm soo not ok with what's happening!
Doesn't matter who insures
Doesn't matter who insures her, if she is in your car (borrowed or not), you are the primary insurer and can be held liable if she is sued.
He is her father and doesn't get to choose to make waves or not. He needs to be her parent whether it makes waves or not. Thank your lucky stars she is going across the country to school. Ask him if he wants to make waves now and teach her to take care of herself or not make waves and be taking care of her until she is 50 and he is taking care of her and her kids?
What is her mother like? I ask because I was able to get dh to understand how he was crippling SD by comparing her to Wingnut and asking him if he wanted her to grow up and be 45 years old and unable to wipe her own ass.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
LOL BM is a nutjob, dual
LOL BM is a nutjob, dual personality almost..... Perfect community member but BUCKETS full of crazy in private at home with SD's and for years to DH..... DH just dealt with so much because for years he not only worked fll time, he came home and cooked cleaned etc, because not only did BM not do it, she didn't ask the girls to, and he took heat for asking. YET he allowed her to take the credit for cooking and cleaning etc. It's super nuts. Occasionally there are fits thrown over kitchen appliances by SD17, somehow she thought she was the lady of the house and so a power struggle ensues... but hilarious that it takes place in the kitchen, SD17 can't even boil water, she just wants food set in front of her and doesn't so much as pick up her plate after dinner.... honestly... she's a bachelor in a pretty girls body with a strange combo of spoiled pretty girl and bachelor mentality
You just described my
You just described my Wingnut. Didn't do a damn thing, yet in her head she was susie homemaker! Fortunately for me DH is so pissed off at her and her delusional thought processes that I can convince him to change any rule as long as I show a connection between SD's current behavior and the way Wingnut treats people or acts!
SD does something, dh thinks it is cute, I ask him if it will be cute when she is 45, he reassesses and addresses the situation. I don't have to do anything except mention Wingnut. She's leaving in the fall, right? Focus on the important thing for now - the driving. Seriously, you guys could end up in a heap of financial crap if she gets into an accident. Tell her to borrow your car she must get a job and get insurance in her name on your policy. If dh wants to be her lackey from now until August, let him (just don't let it affect you). When she fails at life in August all alone, you can say "told you so". Sad, but true.
I was full of "told you sos" when SD finally went to school and the teacher pointed out how horrible some of her behavior was and how irresponsible she is.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!