How Normal are Blended Families?
Ever heard someone else trash talk the concept of Step Parents or Blended Families? How did you respond?
I guess if you are not involved in the conversation, then it's just really rude to intrude and interject.
However, all this time I have thought it was sort of normal to be a step parent or blended family, considering the high rate of divorce but maybe it isn't after all. We were in a store yesterday and someone said to me that SS8 looks just like me (its his mannerisms that are like me and we both have blonde hair). I politely replied "Thank you! But he is my stepson." The woman smiled and moved on. As I walked past the next isle, she was in conversation to her counterpart "well that's just awful. I just don't think it's right that another woman is raising another woman's child. I would be mad as hell if that were my kids' stepmother ..... broken family or not, if a kid can't be raised by their mother, they should be raised by their grandma." She looked like she was in her late 40s early 50s.
I have heard that in the Bible Belt of America, blended families are not as common, but this lady just sort of threw me off with her .... opinions. Is this actually a common mentality? Holy crap lady. Get out of the dark ages.
I don't think it's that
I don't think it's that common. I think you walked into a weird one with that. I've been a part of a blended family my entire life (well since I was 3 and could thus remember). The only times I ever got weird reactions from people was from fellow kids, and I think it was just kids reacting to things that were new and different from what they were used to. I've never had anyone say anything like that to me, and if my kid wasn't with I probably would have lost my shit on that woman.
In full disclosure, I do get a slight feeling of that mentality from my MIL. I think she feels that she has more a right to parent SD than I do because she's "blood". She also had a skiddish reaction to my explanation of my own family and my parents' marital history. She is also very Catholic, so the whole Bible belt thing could be part of it.
But for the record, I think blended families are very normal. I've never known anything different and I've never felt out of place or less of a person or less a part of a family because of it. Those who think otherwise can go f*ck themselves.
Well yeah, it's normal in
Well yeah, it's normal in the frequency sense but not normal in the practicality sense. I hate to admit it, but I'm desperately jealous of all my "normal" friends and their "normal" marriages and their "normal" families. Can you imagine having a child-less husband with no ex wife? I honestly can't anymore. That's a wee bit sad.
Well Ms Freeze, are you
Well Ms Freeze, are you saying those that enter into a marriage and that individual changes (i.e. sweet when they married and becomes an abusive drunk or mentally toxic A-hole) should not be allowed to divorce?
Or are you just saying that divorce shouldn't be as easy as McDonald's? Especially when children are involved?
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
I don't think marriage or
I don't think marriage or divorce is the biggest problem. DH and BM were never married. I wish there was some kind of approval process or psychological review required before people are allowed to procreate. That would solve so many of the world's problems (and mine, for that matter).
Snowbunny, the child-less
Snowbunny, the child-less husband with no ex wife is possibly gay. So a great friend may just remain.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
I agree that blended
I agree that blended families are more common, but certainly not normal. I think the fact that blended families aren't normal explains a lot of why DHs, FHs, SOs, BMs, skids and SMs act out a lot. With intact families, the boundaries are much more clear. With stepfamilies, not so much.
It's only natural that a child would want their parents to be together. When and if the parents break up, and stepparents enter the picture, that throws everyone off balance, especially the kids.
hhahah! I'd rather DIE than
hhahah! I'd rather DIE than EVER let my MIL raise my FH's children! Seriously! She has NO manners, she is vulgar, and she has NO ambition. They would be much better off with me!
This is funny though...I had a boss at work tell me he thought it was crazy that I do not want kids but yet I will take care of someone else's like they are my own?
Duh...I do it because I am in love with FH not because I "really really really want to be a SM!" If I could have turned the tables 8 years ago and met him then I would have snagged him before she did!
Having been raised by
Having been raised by divorced parents (dad who remarried when I was a teen), being a new SM, and being someone who never felt a huge pull to have child but always wanted a family (and for whom adoption felt very natural), and being a teacher for many many years and seeing so many kids from so many different kinds of families (steps only 1 of them)--
I DO NOT agree with divorce being illegal. Rather, I think that people should have to pursue some type of licensure (far beyond what it takes to get a drivers license) to have children. From my experience, so many children are born for so so so many selfish reasons on the part of parents, so much manipulation and dysfunction is thrust upon children by their parents, who are being selfish (my FH included). And frankly, I think fewer children born out of more thought, more planning, and more deliberation would be better. I love children, my professional life is devoted to them.
But it is the adults who f- it up. And staying married to someone you dislike, don't feel respect, attraction, or warmth for won't change that.
Divorce/Blended families are
Divorce/Blended families are quite normal in SoCal but I live in a neighborhood that divorce rate is next to nill. We are recognized as the "blended family". We're not treated differently but people our intrigued like we're freaks in a circus.....we're interesting.
I agree!! I was a surrogate
I agree!! I was a surrogate for a dear friend of mind, and I did it because I knew that she would be the best mom in the world!!! I dont think you have to have a biological connection to a child to love them. But that is IMHO!
I think that there is no
I think that there is no such thing as 'normal' when it comes to people.
"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"
Wow. I guess I should have
Wow. I guess I should have defined Normal.
I suppose the right phrase is Common.
It seems more common nowadays due to the ease of divorce and marriage and as someone in this thread said .... there should be a license to breed
Like in Demolition Man. They had to have permission for that and sex was with a helmet.
Talk about protection.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln