I Won't Watch My BF's Son While He's Away, Is This Wrong?
My boyfriend has full custody of his 9 year old son. I am visiting them right now and so his son comes home from school and I am there with him for two hours. Having this time with him has shown me that he requires too much work when babysitting.
So my bf wanted to go to a friend's house to play cards, he does this most weekends, and I want him to go as well. He needs time to himself. However, I don't want to watch his son so I asked him to get a baby sitter.
He said he didn't mind as it's not my responsibility.
Am I wrong?
His son requires more work than one would expect for a 9 year old as he lies, cries quite a bit and is generally in search of attention all the time. I find him to be overwhelming. His child advocate says he's emotionally 5 years old and so a lot of the independence I expect of a normal 9 year old he just doesn't have.
The card game would last about 6 hours and I don't want to watch him for that long since I already have him everyday after school.
Thoughts?
No, you are not wrong. And
No, you are not wrong. And your boyfriend is right, it's not your responsibility. He would have to get a babysitter anyway if you were not there, wouldn't he?
Is this ok even if we decide
Is this ok even if we decide to get married?
He is not your child! Not
He is not your child! Not your responsibility. No, you are not wrong. Tell him to get a sitter. You do not want to start down that path! I promise you will regret it.
Thanks Dragonfly-how do I
Thanks Dragonfly-how do I work on feeling badly about it. I mean I want my boyfriend to enjoy his time with friends but not if it means me being left alone with his son for 6 hours.
When I was dating HD he went
When I was dating HD he went to take a nap one day while leaving me with SS(then 6) for a few hours and at the time I was shocked! I still think it is too much.
Unless a ring was in your finger, I feel like taking care of your SO who is a difficult kid sounds like being taken advantage of. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am wrong.
Yeah, when my boyfriend is at
Yeah, when my boyfriend is at work and his son comes home and I'm there I feel like it's not my responsibility. He is a challenging child. He was catered to for 6 years of his life and so he expects adults (namely women) to give him what he wants. It's stifled his growth and so at 9 he still acts 6 and is a picky eater, crier, whiner, liar and just difficult kid. I normally am great with children but all of his issues make him too much to handle.
GF 2011 at first I thought it
GF 2011 at first I thought it read 9 months old and saw where you put he lies and cries and I was about to say a 9 month old does not lie but that him crying is normal then I read it again and saw he was 9. lol
No you do not have to watch him - he is not yours and your boyfriend even stated he is not your responsibility which shows you have a pretty terrific boyfriend. If you were to get married you should still not be expected to watch him if your boyfriend wants to play cards - you would just have to get a sitter - you do watch him for those 2 hours but you are just visiting now if you get married you will all be in the same house together and before you get married you need to think is this what I want? Helping to raise someone else's child is extremely difficult with hardly any appreciation or thanks shown. You see that this child needs a little more attention than most so make really sure that this is what you want to spend your life with. You are dating right now and just visiting which is a whole different horse than living with this situation. Also if you get married then the dynamics change and your BF might not think it is so necessary to get a sitter when he wants to play cards because you all would be a family now - make sure it is what your want!!
Yeah, visiting has shown me a
Yeah, visiting has shown me a lot. You're right I am thinking that living together would be hard. I came here expecting his son to be a normal 9 year old like my relatives around that age but he requires a lot of hand holding. We have to sit at the table for 30-45 minutes extra just to make sure he eats everything on his plate. I haven't seen that done with a kid who wasn't 5 or under. Also, he cries at the drop of a hat and I don't see how this is going to work when he is a teen in a few years. He is a lot to handle and I'm not sure that I would like to sign up for this.
I also noticed that SS8 is
I also noticed that SS8 is different than other 8 year olds. Even his cousin who is the same age has said to me, "why is he being so difficult? Everyone is just trying to make him happy!" My nephew of the same age had trouble bonding with him as well. I think most children of divorce have developmental issues.
I also came into my relationship with DH actually somewhat excited about all the fun I'd have with this child... all the places I'd take them and things we would do... A few trips to the circus, park and zoo later that ended up with a lot of drama helped me understand that he is not the kind of child I imagined he would be... and I just stepped away.
That's been my experience. I
That's been my experience. I was so excited to see this kid grow but I have learned that he is so behind and I am really disappointed.
What is hard, I think, for us
What is hard, I think, for us stepparents, is that we love our SO, and we see that even when they try hard, the child might still not respond well. It breaks my heart at the same time it confuses me (because I also feel resentful) to see my DH struggling with his child.
He often tells himself that there is nothing wrong with his kid. I think more to make himself feel less guilty.
I believe that no matter how great and involved everyone is, the dynamic is still confusing to the child.
Dating and marrying someone that has a child from a previous relationship is a great test of loyalty, patience and love, and it may bring the best and worst out of you.
Just know that before going into marriage that this is not going to be easy and that a lot of people share the same feelings you may have: love for your BF, but also resentment, guilt, confusion, feeling left out, and also wanting a future for the two of you as well.
People kept telling me that before I got married, but I believed it would be different with me.
Ha ha, after all the hell
Ha ha, after all the hell I've been through....honey, save yourself!!! LMAO!!
Yeah, he's been very
Yeah, he's been very understanding about me not wanting to be involved. Also if his son ever gets out of line with me he punishes him immediately. His son now only refers to me as Ma'am. Now if only he could mature so that he could be where most 9 years olds are mentally. Today he told me that he feels like he's 5 sometimes.
Nope! not your kid, not your
Nope! not your kid, not your problem
Whateva