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Not a unique situation, so wondering how others have handled it.

nelly2010's picture

Submitted by nelly2010 on Tue, 02/08/2011 - 12:02pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

I have a 13 yo SD. I have been with my husband over 3 years, I have a BD6 and BS with my husband who is 21 months.

I am in a position with my SD where my hands are tied behind my back. The BM is morally bankrupt, SD is becoming a mini-me, lying, cheating, getting suspended from school, using the f-bomb on Facebook. BM tells her father that he is not to discipline her for things she does at BM home. But don't forget to keep those support checks coming....What I find baffeling is that he actually does it!

I'm tired of this kid, her shitty, nasty attitude, etc. The way she talks to her father now is unbelievable. He just takes it all and doesn't say a word. Even took her snowboarding last weekend despite my protests. He's only teaching her to use people. There is so much back ground to this whole story, but the bottom line is that I told him I no longer wanted to be part of this since we can affect no change, basically be a source of income and a bi-monthly babysitting service. I don't want this influence on my children and my husband thinks I AM being the inreasonable one.

Any advice or experience would be appreciated.

mom23ms's picture

Submitted by mom23ms on Tue, 02/08/2011 - 12:22pm

Samething happened to my SO with all THREE of his daughters. I finally had enough and moved out two days ago and until he can't start parenting and sticking up for himself and putting not only his daughters and the BM in line...I am NOT coming back.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 02/08/2011 - 12:56pm

I finally disengaged with SD14. He only sees her away from the house. He is starting to see her for who she is and what BM has created. It has taken the drama out of the house.

nelly2010's picture

Submitted by nelly2010 on Tue, 02/08/2011 - 1:58pm

I've been reading how some have disengaged and wondering what techniques have worked? For me, I basically have been ignoring her when she is here. I can't even bring myself to open my mouth and speak words to her. It's as if I'm afraid that if I open my mouth, bile wil come out and if I start giving her a piece of my mind, I might not be able to stop...

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Tue, 02/08/2011 - 2:06pm

Whether this is right or wrong when BM of SD13 tries to dictate how things will go in our house (you cant punish her, you cant take her cell phone away because I bought it) etc. My DH just blatantly tells her "Yes I can and yes I will". She usually just stares at him and then he follows it up with "if you continue to bother me about what I'm doing with her in my house on my time then we can just go to court....". Usually the mention of that shuts her up. She has tried in the past the "if you dont do what I want I wont let her go to your house" thing. We do not have a CO. DH says ok that is fine...that is within your right as the CP at this time....but that can change and I will file Mon. We have never once had to as she ALWAYS gives in and backs off. I think we all know that my DH is serious though...if he threatens to do something just out of sheer stubborness he will do it even if it would be a huge pain for himself and luckily BM knows him well enough to know that and does not push it.