Stunner...update on couch surfer chronicles
It was a dark and stormy Monday, after a weekend of being sick with hopefully a shortlived cold.
Sweetheart niece wanted to park outside our house and relax. I was fine with it.
Unfortunately Husband was not. He paced and lashed out "I am not ok with her sitting outside in her car when its raining outside, and it looks like you are!!!"
My first mistake was not being honest. My response: "Of course I am, but we are sick. This is her CHOICE, her DECISION. Im totally not ok with it!!!"
More comments from him.
I got mad. REALLY mad. Yelled at him mad. Went outside and yelled at her. Told her she needs to get inside because her casually sitting outside in her car was upsetting her uncle, and it was causing problems for us. Also mentioned she needs to include me in her noifications loop, not just husband. I dropped a few f-bombs too. Im cranky when sick. I told her "we love you, we care about you, and you being out here is stressing us out, please come inside."
Im getting more and more cranky about how I just get to pay half and he gets to dictate everything.
I dont want to live like I have before. And Powersulk hasnt been around. So guess what? I dont need to do much shopping.
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Comments
Niece needs to go
She's a bubble short somehow. You mean well, Clove, but you don't need more stress in your life and marriage.
Its a day by day thing
shes applying for disability benefits. I told Husband if it becomes a problem it will be a "no".
Applying for disabilities she
Applying for disabilities she doesn't have (self inflicted) becoming a product of the system. Sorry but I have no space for people like this..
Like you said she was chilling, smoking in her car etc in front of your house.. ughhh no. Go get a f'n job.
Disability takes a long time
Both my deceased sister and SD62 were/are on disability. In both cases, it took a LOOOONG time to come thru, many months. And, both used a highly recommended, effective lawyer. Just giving you some info.
I'm confused. 1) Is she still
I'm confused. 1) Is she still living at your house? 2) Was your DH mad at you because you let her park outside and he didn't want her at your house, or was your DH mad at you because you didn't beg her to come inside? (BTW both are ridiculous.)
Answers
(1) no. Its sporadic visitations
(2) yes to the "didnt beg her to come inside"
and yes, uttterly ridiculous, which is why I blew my stack on both of them. I told her she needs to get inside because its upsetting to her uncle and causing issues. she knows his personality weve spoken of it. she was HAPPY and kicking it smoking and reading on her phone etc...
She's sitting in her car
She's sitting in her car, not in the rain. What's the big deal? Maybe she enjoys the sound of rain on the car?? Regardless, your H was having a hissy fit so he should've trotted his unsick arse out there and rained on her rain-in-the-car parade. He needs a football-sized Midol. *crazy*
zactly
I agree. she was HAPPY.
This is such a weird thing to
This is such a weird thing to get upset about. I love sitting in my car for a bit after I get home. It's peaceful and I can listen to/watch anything I want without interruption.
YEP.
I was supposed to go beg her to come inside. Instead he lashed out and I blew up.
And thats how hes going to learn.
Same.
Same.
Clove~
You kniow your DH lives in a world of his own making. He only sees what he wants to see. Or there something major wrong with his thinking . He a control freak. If someone wants to sit in there car and get away from noise. That's OK.. it's mental health time;;
instead of seeing DH for what he is. You are looking for a real reason., The real reason is DH is a control freak, He thinks he control his DD s. He think he controls you. It's your choice to live this way.
wrong in the head
Toxic Troll and Feral forger are indications to his thinking.
yep. 2023 cannot end soon enough.
It's up to niece (and I'm not
It's up to niece (and I'm not so sure she's a sweetheart of just... a user? Tricky? Lazy? I really don't know but I'd keep my guard up Clove. I would hate to see you get taken advantage of) on how she wants to live her life. It's not your job to save her. She's an adult and is choosing to car camp over getting her butt in gear and getting a job. How long has she been unemployed? How long has she been homeless? How long has she had medical issues? If the state won't give her disability then oh well she's just going to have to work. It seems to me this has been going on for a while no?
In any event, she's responsible for her own choices. You don't have to open your home up to her. I bet your DH doesn't even consider that hey, it's uncomfortable for you having another adult hanging around your home. How would he like it if it was the other way around. Maybe you should find the most obnoxious relative on your side of the family and invite them to stay for a month. I bet he'd have a meltdown within a week.
Choice
Yes its her choices. Shes morbidly obese, and has diabeties and heart issues. So her story is she cannot work a full time job being on her feet, has little to no computer skills and cannot complete labor type jobs she is qualified for.
I dont want to fix her, or change her or rescue her. Husband likes to swoop in a rescue.
After my blowup hes definitely aware of how I do not want to support another do-nothing relative of his. Like I have the past 10 with his children.
She is extremely sweet, no doubt. She does help when Ive asked, with washing dishes. And is respectful.
Who gets through high school
Who gets through high school not knowing how to use a computer these days? Even assuming so, maybe time to sign up for a computer/typing class.
Um, her smart phone is.......
Um, her smart phone is...............a computer. She has computer skills and could easily LEARN how to type or use MS Office products. Back when I was just out of high school, I worked temp jobs for Manpower and they had a skills lab where I could learn software for FREE. It behooved them to offer free training so they could temp me out. I did that for a couple of years and at nearly every temp job, they offered me full time employment. I turned a lot of them down because I was earning more as a temp, but I finally took a job that I liked. I did data entry and accounts payable.
If he's so triggered then he
If he's so triggered then he can put some money down on an extended stay or apartment or build a guest house in the backyard for her. Or go help her find some resources.
Not fair for him to get mad at you because he can't help his niece problem solve.
My Thoughts
I'm in agreement with those who say to tread very carefully with this girl. As JRI said, disability can take months, even years to get. It is almost a guarantee that she will be denied and have to fight her case, which will need an attorney. When she finally gets the disability, she'll fork over a nice portion to said attorney.
While your DHs neice is in a very tough position, from what you've shared, she's been huge contributor to her own problems. Has she looked into homeless shelters? DHs oldest son lived at the YMCA in a large city for a year, where they helped him with medical and dental issues, along with helping him find a job and moving into a stable apartment. She seems to "float" through life, expecting others to do the "work" for her.
As for your DHs reaction, the only thing I could think of in his defense would be his concerns about what neighbors thought??? I mean, she doesn't live in your home so it's a strange vehicle (does it have the signs of being lived in???) and maybe the neighbors would have concerns about a homeless person camping out on the road??? That's all I got on that one. LOL
Also, living with a family
Also, living with a family member counted against my son getting approved for SSI because he had no bills and had someone to provide for him.
What we had to do was have him sign a lease to rent a room in my house, and sign a promissory note to repay the cost of food and utilities. The first go around, he was denied. I appealed and hired a local TV attorney firm who said it was no cost to me. If we lost the case, the attorney would be paid nothing. If we won, they took their fee out of the lump sum that Social Security had to pay for retroactive benefits. The fee was $6000 and it came out of the 25K my son was owed in back benefits. It took 2 years to get him approved.
First, a change in title is
First, a change in title is in order. Sweetheart niece is far from ... a Sweetheart.
She is sadly just more of the shit puddle manipulative entitled stain that apparently DH's extended gene pool produces.
Stop painting her as sweet.
And.. if this stain wants to sit in her car in the rain, she is an adult. Make that point front and center with DH and tell him that if he stresses you out.. he can go knock on her car window and join her. Yes, her choice bothers you, but HE is bothering you more because he is wallowing in her manipulative crap. You, should/will not wallow. Please.
smh
At some point, we have to put behaviors on the ones perpetrating it. If we don't those behaviors become our problems. Which they aren't unless whe choose for them to be.
So, not your gene pool, not your problem.
Make that your mantra regarding StankyNiece. Same key letters, very different view of reality Vs delusion regarding ... her.
She probably seems like a
She probably seems like a sweetheart because everyone else around is a raging a-hole.