Disrespecful stepsons, son or husband?
When I first started dating my husband, his teenage sons began leaving toilets around the house unflushed. I first teased them about it while explaining why it's not right, then I became more serious about it, and finally posted signs all over the bathroom: "Please flush.". My husband would just say that they just aren't smart, though I felt it was done intentionally. A month before our wedding, I went into a rant as I had the "pleasure" of seeing my 18 yr old stepson's BM AGAIN. I was totally zoning out. In the process, my 24 yr old son, heard my then fiancé tell me to "stop f-ing yelling at me". I raised my children to not drop f-bombs in the house. Hearing this, my son said to my fiancé to not talk to his mom like that and heated words were exchanged. Needless to say, they have not talked since though my son attempted to apologize twice. The conflict has been such that one time my husband was so mad about my son that he told my daughter and her husband, who rent from him to move out NOW and did it at 10pm, texting the next day they could stay. I have asked my husband to be forgiving, as I have not held his sons' ill-behavior (still happens on occasion), including general house breaking rules against them. But he refuses. It has been two years of heartache/stress. Any advice?
Now my DH. The incident with
Now my DH. The incident with my son happened one month before our wedding. I thought it was going to cool down, but still hasn't.
He was mad about your SON, so
He was mad about your SON, so he told your DAUGHTER to move out? How does that make any sense? Sounds like he's all about hurting YOU.
Your stepsons are pigs and I'd be livid to find unflushed toilets. That is just gross, and probably a power trip. You quite literally have to clean up their crap.
Husband thinks that my son
Husband thinks that my son disrespected him. The first time he apologized, he said he was sorry, but, wasn't going to let him talk to me that way. His own father never talked to me the way current husband does.
Two things definitely my fault: Never taught my children to stay out of a couple's argument, though never had to in the past and never say you're sorry with a "but".
p.s. New here and didn't realize the BM meant something different! lol!!
Hell no. You're taking the
Hell no. You're taking the blame for your husband being an asshole. Has he already beat you down that much?
Why should your son
Why should your son apologize? You DH has issues of admiting he is wrong? I see some control also...trying to punish your daughter and her husband. He needs help.
SO you allowed your life rule
SO you allowed your life rule (no f-bombs) and your son (who was brought up by this rule) is the bad guy?
It sounds like you need to ask yourself why you allowed the marriage to go ahead and compromise your standards?
If my ssons had left 'friends at the lake' in the toilet prior to my marriage I would have told DH that either things change or there would be no marriage. Not to mention your husband is a bully and thinks he can push people around in the middle of the night because HE is pissy at your son.
I think your life standards are fine. I just wonder what wonderful talent this man has for your to remain with him when your son has extended the olive branch more than once?
Your dh sounds like an
Your dh sounds like an asshole. Your daughter needs to move out of his rental ASAP to take away his power trip there. You should seriously consider divorce, too, because he's an asshole,
Classic signs of an abuser-
Classic signs of an abuser- Isolate the victim-
He is disrespectful to you and when he is called out on it he starts a feud with your children? He doesn't want your kids around because then he cannot use you as he pleases, because they will not let him. Two years is way to long for him to hold a grudge. You sound beaten down, call a woman's shelter and leave. This situation is not right.
I suppose you have to put
I suppose you have to put yourself in your self in your husbands heart and imagine how you would feel if you had sweared at your husband in the heat of an argument and an adult step daughter had intervened and told you not to use that language. you may feel like hes my husband not yours, you may love him but I can speak to my husband anyway I choose within reason. Remember men can be vey macho and no husband is going to want to be one uped by another man espeasily if hes the product of another man.
I think your husband has
I think your husband has control issues. Your son was very courageous and obviously respects and thinks of your dearly to stand up to your husband. I think the husband is the problem and I would think twice whether the marriage is worth staying in.
Really? You need to ask
Really? You need to ask advice about what you should do regarding a foul mouthed, disrespectful asshole who caters to his own spawn while getting his panties in a wad over your 18yo son confronting him about cursing at you?
Grow up mom and move on. This guy is a toxic asshole.
As for evicting your daughter and SIL. Nope, not with a phone call. They are tenants and have rights. They need to realize that and grab your toxic DH by the short and curlies and tell him to get a lawyer and evict them properly and extend the process for countless months on end while not paying rent.
Why do you not see what your 18yo finds so obvious? Why do you allow your DH to treat you the way he does?
Thank you all. I believe you
Thank you all. I believe you have pointed out what I found to be in my heart.
Excellent and necessary
Excellent and necessary point. Thank you Scubed.
It wasn't until I started
It wasn't until I started asking outside my circle that I realized my mistake. I wasn't sure if my friends, who have said what all have said here were just siding with me because they are my friends. Just wish I had sought this out sooner.
Thank you.
Where the hell is your self
Where the hell is your self respect? Where's the respect for your Son, who did the right thing and stood up for you??
If my SO dared speak to my bio like that after he stood up to me, his head would be spinning from the open handed slap I'd give him - I don't like violence, but damn!! Also by allowing his kids to disrespect you and then treat you like that?
I'd be gone. You need to show your Son that he did the right thing, and then you need to turn around and support him - not get HIM to apologise to your sorry excuse for a husband.
Much rather be single than live a married life with a bullying prick like your hubby and his evil uncivilised savages of kids.
Thank you all. I will keep
Thank you all. I will keep you posted.