Cell phone and the invasion of my home.........
I am new to this forum and should have really looked for some support before now. I am having issues with my step daughters Mother and her invasion of our privacy.
"Mom" gave our daughter Emily a cell phone in order to keep in touch. However as proven many times before what ever is going on in my home gets reported to Mom via text. Last night I was on the line with my own Mother, explaining some of our challenges with homework in our house. Nothing that I was requiring to hide from the children. To that end my husbands cell phone started buzzing with texts from "Mom" saying that Emily overheard my conversation with my mother and giving us matter of fact advice to stop it...."but don't tell Emily I told you".
This has happened before when I mentioned a home on our street went up for sale and not an hour latter a barrage of matter o fact texts came through again to my husbands phone, discipling me for speaking.
If it is not texts coming at me I also get snotty e-mails following conversations as had with Emily, that have been realyed and mis-interpreted by her Mom. I have stopped any e-mail communication with the "Mom" but now these invasive texts have come into my home.
My husband does not feel there is anything to be done and thinks I should just not talk on days when the children at my home. I am sensitive to the children, theor right ot privacy and do not talk behind their back, nor criticise their Mom. However do I not have some sort of right to privacy in my home, or at least the right no to bear the long arm of her control while under my own roof?
My husband....thinks I should
My husband....thinks I should just not talk on days when the children at my home
Are you serious right now?? WTF? Just as you are senstive to children's right to privacy, they should be sensitive to yours. This is one of the things that irks me the most about skids being at my house. While I don't think mine do the texting thing with their mothers I DO know that anything that happens or is said in our house goes straight back to BM's and it drives me nuts. I feel like I have to watch everything I say and do when they are there because it is all going to get "reported" to two women that I loathe... and it's not fair!
Perfect example... My BS1 loves to carry unopened soda cans around and pretend that he is drinking out of them. The other day he was doing this and SS12 says "You let him drink soda?" I was like um, no, the can is not opened, BS just thinks it's fun to pretend... and in the back of my mind I'm thinking..I KNOW that he is going to run back and tell BM that I let BS drink soda... UGH!
And shame on your BM for actually encouraging this bratty behavior by participating... you don't need to stop talking, your skid and BM need to quit being nosey and intrusive.
I've had this issue and it's
I've had this issue and it's a pain in the neck. BM's irresponsible, foolhardy ass gave SS11 (11!!!! What does he need with a phone?!) a phone late last year. As soon as he got home, she was talk with him and I overhear him saying, "OK, I'll send you pictures of the house..."
NO BITCH! You will NOT be getting pictures of MY home. I don't ask SS to send me pictures of the pigsty you live in. If she saw where we lived, she'd fight even harder to get him back, just to take H back for more CS. She thinks we're "rich"... Dumbass. No, we studied hard in school, got educations, WORK our asses off, prioritize, save, etc... She should try it some time.
My advice: Make your skid keep his phone in one place. I picked the kitchen. He can take it to other rooms to have private conversations, but it should remain in the "charging spot." This way, you have a better grip on what kind of shenanigans BM might be up to. Just my insane way of managing the stress of basically living with the enemy day in and day out.
Goodness! My SD12 was given
Goodness! My SD12 was given this phone and it has just ruined my peace and tranquility. I know exactly how you feel as she was giving "video chat tours" of my home to her Mom and all I could think of was "how much more money is this going to cost us....." I clamped down on the video chat, but the texting is brutal. Wait......the "reporting" to Mom is brutal. We originally monitored the phone and it's usage (she would hide it under her pillow at night)but let her keep it in her room. For the record I was downstairs in the kitchen, she was up in her room and I couldn't believe my conversation travelled so fast. Thank you so much for your advice, I really needed to feel supported.
This is ridiculous and your
This is ridiculous and your hubby is an ass. SO...you'll have to nip this in the bud yourself. You need to pre-arrange with your mom to have a phone call between the two of you where SD will overhear. Then discuss upcoming "plans" like you've been offered a job exchange with someone in the Dominican Republic and you and hubby are thinking of moving there. And how you're SO mad at hubby because he just spent $3,000 buying lottery tickets. Or tell your mom that you just received a call from the realtor who sold you your house and they told you that a lot of your neighbors have been complaining about paranormal activity. She felt that she needed to let you know that your house is built on old Indian burial grounds. You need to make up lies that are plausible but slightly ridiculous. Make it fun!
Very creative!! Nice! I shall
Very creative!! Nice!
I shall kept this in mind for when the booger brats return.
Really easy answer for me.
Really easy answer for me. Take the phone away when she is at your house. No need, mom can call on the house line. Also, tell your husband to grow a pair and tell BM to stay out of things happening at your house. None of her business. How would she like this to happen to her?
You are allowing them to treat you this way. Do not put up with it. You can have conversations in your house, they need to deal with it.
Absolutely that is what I
Absolutely that is what I would do! It is bizarre to me that noone has thought to discipline this girl for eavesdropping on adult conversations and then sharing those conversations with others when it is none of their business. If your dh will not do this I would absolutely tell your sd that every time she reports something her bm calls and tells dh. That you are very aware that she is doing it and you dont appreciate it. You dont say how your actual relatioship is with your sd although you refer to her as OUR daughter which makes me think you get along ok with her on some level-perhaps just letting her know that you are aware of what she is doing and how it makes you feel might shame her into stopping (that is if she is normal and not like many of the skids on here).
Also you are blowing the top off all the secrecy. SD secretly tells bm these things, bm secretly tells dh these things, and then I guess your dh secretly tells you to keep your lips zipped. Perhaps your sd might think twice if she knows that everything SHE says is being repeated by bm.
Thank you so very much. I
Thank you so very much. I agree that the secrecy will build more tension and cause even more anxiety with my skids. I love them dearly AND try my best to manage the BM's reach into our lives. However, the betrayl with having my life reported and then repremanded causes resentment. The phone has turned things topsy turvey
I think if I address the BM's texting (bullying/spying/noseyness) with SD12 that shifts the power from secret "saves the day Mom, who controls all things" to me, my home, my privacy and BM can suck it and send an angry text to my husband.
You Rock! Thanks for the kick
You Rock! Thanks for the kick in the ass
BM gave SS13 and SD10 cell
BM gave SS13 and SD10 cell phones for xmas and on the first day the each received 10-20 txts from BM and BM's friends. Yes, BM had her friends txting her children. (Wtf? Freaks!)
We decided they are not allowed to have their cell phones here. We said if you want to talk to BM, we have the landline. They were shocked and upset and BM was not happy needless to say but we control what goes on in our home and it's an invasion of our privacy and a way for BM to infiltrate kids minds when they are with us on OUR scheduled visitation time. (We have kids 50/50).
DH rocks for agreeing with me on this. I know eventually it will be facebook, skype/video chat, etc that will invade but when that times comes we will simply not allow laptops in rooms, they will have limits on internet time and it will be in the living room. I will never give BM a way into my home!!!