Anyone else tired of being a prisoner in their own home and hiding out in the bedroom?
Anyone else tired of being a prisoner in their own home and hiding out in the bedroom?
Just trying to avoid the drama and constant irritating displays by SS7 and DH. SS7 constantly whines and throws tantrums and demands everyone wait on him as if he is a quadlapalegic. Really, I just want to be able to relax ONE DAY without feeling the knots in my stomach and feelings of powerlessness. Sometimes I wish I could barricade the door.
I pay a little more than 50% of the bills even though DH makes 1/3 more than me a month. Why should I have to give up my living room, etc. every time SS7 is here? Everyone is supposed to let him dictate what we watch and when depending on when he wants to play a video game. I even put a tv in his room, but he needs to be in DHs constant presence when he is here or you can hear him bellowing, "DAAAAAAAADDY" in his best baby voice. Sometimes I don't even think moving into a bigger place would help because it would be just more of a financial drain on me. I just fantasize about a basement complete with a bathroom and kitchen where SS7 and DH could hold their little lovefests far away from me and I could have some privacy.
Geema, your title made me
Geema, your title made me laugh really loudly because I am. I hate going out into the living area with my SK8,6 and 4 there. I can't deal with the constant stress, screaming, tantrums, yelling, fighting, so I hid out in the office room or bedroom. Problem our doors don't have locks so I told my DH to put locks on the doors. They would literally bang on the door and open the door to wake you up if you are napping. I hate that so much.
My sympathies to you Belle as
My sympathies to you Belle as at least I only have one to deal with!
I spent my life in my bedroom
I spent my life in my bedroom to watch TV and be on the computer to be in peace! I hate being around SS20 and SD15. My anxiety goes through the roof whenever I'm around them. I think there's more to life than this. I swear if I didn't love my DH I would be outta here!
This is me. I'm getting to
This is me. I'm getting to the point where when he says SD's name, my stomach knots. Its stupid that SHE can have that affect on my stomach. :sick:
Geema - I think you are
Geema - I think you are setting yourself up for a long time of misery if you continue down this path.
First - I'm going to say the sentence that a lot of people hate. Your skid is 7 years old. He's not exactly and adult, and he is in the "everything is all about me stage" to some extent.
Second, I see on your profile that you are a mom, stepmom and grandmom! Let me ask you... when your grandchildren come over, and they whine scream and say "dadddyyyy" does it drive you crazy? Are they attached to their parents? Do you find that "sweet" instead of a "lovefest"? When you babysit your grandchildren, are they allowed to have the living room and you sit in there and be with them and do things they want to do??? Be honest with yourself in these answers. This child sees his father, what? Every other weekend? Every weekend? I don't think it's fair to begrudge him his time with his dad, instead of wanting him to go in his room and NOT be with his father, just at his house - especially at 7.
I think instead of hiding out in your room - which to me will only intensify the issues in your skid relationship as well as cause real issues with your DH relationship as time goes by - you might want to focus on some coping issues and try to figure out what the real problem is. And by that I mean - exactly WHAT is this kid doing that is so different from other kids and is there any chance at all this is an issue with skid taking time away from you and your DH.
It does happen. We are women. We are territorial. Sometimes we are jealous because our husbands are spending time with their children, or doting on them, as opposed to us. We see the treatment and want that for oursleves. We assign negative traits to skids even though we tolerate and sometimes even encourage! - similar behavior in our own kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews.
Do yourself a favor. Take a long hard look inside at why this bothers you to the point where you are hiding out from a 7 year old. Do what you can inside for yourself, and address DH where you think he is adding to the problem.
At least, that's my opinion on it.
Stick, obviously you haven't
Stick, obviously you haven't read my other posts or you would have a clue what you are talking about and you clearly don't.
I hate to say this but you sound like defensive and I hope that you aren't like the BM I mentioned and that is what sparked this ignorant outburst.
Geema - I'll give you that I
Geema - I'll give you that I haven't read your other posts - and if that makes me ignorant..in your or others' eyes - so be it.
Defensive... hmmm... maybe to claims of being ignorant, but not to what your original posts.
As far as what I wrote - have I hid in my bedroom at times with SD? Yes. Have I made it a habit? No. Do I think it's a healthy practice for you or your relationships with SD and DH? No, absolutely not.
Do I think that a 7 year old is so horrible that what you wrote - at face value above - warrants hiding in your room? No. I honestly believe there are other issues at hand here.
Take that for what it's worth. It's okay to do - once in a while. It's not something that you should allow yourself to happen so often that you get sick of it. You've got to agree -that's not healthy for you.
It isn't healthy you are
It isn't healthy you are right about that, but it does give me time to regroup sometimes.
SS7 refused to even wipe his own butt, (that's right not even potty trained fully yet)etc etc and has a very toxic relationship with both his bios. Believe me this is not mean spirited and unjustified. I wouldn't allow my bio or grandchild to behave in any way shape or form the way SS7 does without consequences. It is called parenting. Teaching your children how to behave. SS7 takes full advantage of his situation though and lies, steals, etc. It is quite shocking. Because DH perpetuates the behavior with his anti-parenting it just makes it uncomfortable to witness. Hours of nastiness and disrespect and full fledged tantrums. Because I actually care about SS7 it bothers me. If I didn't I wouldn't care how he turned out.
For instance his mother was supposed to be watching him Thurs night and he took off after dark on his bicycle (yes he can ride a bike but refuses to wipe his butt as he prefers to boss adults around - those who allow it that is). He knew not to do this, but his parents only reward bad behavior so he has no concept of the word "no". We had the police out to help find him. Then the next day he was treated out to lunch, golfing and was back riding his bicycle(this was DHs doing). Once again his mother was supposed to watching him and we get a call that he didn't come home until 10:15 p.m. and had lied about where he was (BM thought he was with us).
What will it take for his parents to get their heads out of their behinds and realize that if they don't start setting boundaries their child could DIE??? I mean it is very dangerous for a child that young to think he is in control and makes the rules.
So when DH starts catering to the manipulation tactics and not acting like its a big deal, then yes, I get upset and have to retreat to somewhere I can escape and bite my tongue. Because if I suggest actual parenting I'm the bad guy.
And as for "lovefest" you should read some of my other posts. You should read some of the other readers posts for that matter like SD16 still sleeping with her dad and spooning etc. Sickening abnormal almost molestive affection that blurs boundaries. That is what I was referring to. I grew up in a big family, I have been around a lot of children and I have NEVER seen anything like the twisted things that they try to normalize. And no my bio and grandchild would never behave like this because I parented my child and he parents his son. I certainly would not want my grandchild to be screaming "Daddy come wipe my butt" at 7 years old. I don't have to worry though because my son actually cares about his child's future emotional health and well being.
Geema - what was interesting
Geema - what was interesting to me, was that I actually had read some of your posts without realizing. When you called me out, I went back to your blog because I didn't realize I had... So I re-read them. Some I had seen, some not.
Im' not commenting on other's posts right now - Although everyone here knows that I am usually very pro-skid / anti-BM. I would never support a 16 year old spooning with her dad. In other words - what's right is right... across the board. I am not pro-Stepmom, just because I am one. I am not anti-BM just because I think that most of the BM's we hear about on this board are bad characters. There are great BM's out there. Their SM's are just not usually on this board! ha! There are also some really horrid stepkids out there. I know that. But generally you'll find me on this board trying to look at all sides, not just the poster's.
Having said that... and maybe you think I am wrong on this -
I think it's easier for you to point your anger at SS. Sure, you do vent about your DH and BM's parenting. And yes, a 7 year old should be further along than calling someone to wipe their butt. BUT - a 7 year old will do what they are taught and allowed to get away with. Does that make the 7 year old unlikable? Absolutely. Does it make it ALL his fault? That's where I disagree. Should a 7 year old know better. YES!! But if no one teaches him otherwise - or just as bad, ENABLES the behavior, then who's fault is it really?
And I read the blog about the father having another child I believe ? That he doesn't seem to care about as much?
I"m sorry if you feel I am way off base. But for me, reading what you have written.... it sounds like anger and disgust aimed at a child when in fact the parents are the ones that facilitate his behavior. That kid is going to have a rough life in school if he is allowed to continue as is. Already he is coming and going as he pleases - the BM lost him twice?? !!! Am I reading correctly? Please tell me if I am not.
My thought is just this... I wouldn't be able to live with a man that encouraged and allowed this. And I think it bugs you too. Like you said - you care about this kid. But you SEEM TO BE allowing your anger and other feelings toward the situation be aimed at the child himself. That's all I was trying to say. Put the anger where it belongs - on the situation and on the 2 adults involved - DH and BM. That kid needs HELP. SERIOUS HELP, in my opinion. He sounds like he has 2 parents who vascillate between coddling him and ignoring him. (Coddling - DH helping him pee - is that right/??) Ignoring - not letting him know how serious it is that he is out alone at 10pm with no one finding him. Do you really want to add another adult to this kid's life with anger issues toward him? I'm not passing judgment. I really don't want this kid to go thru what he is going through.
And my other thought is is that sooo many women cannot let their anger show toward their SO because then it has bigger consquences for them. ... Lost marriages, moving, etc etc.
I'm not trying to hurt you. But I feel for that child. And yeah - if I lived with him, I'm sure I"d be pissed and upset. The thing is - I wouldn't just be fighting the kid.... I'd be having knock down fights with my husband about it.
Oh and one more thing!! I am
Oh and one more thing!! I am all for the get away and regroup !!
Some of us do it with wine or margaritas as well! 
Sadly you are missing actual
Sadly you are missing actual facts and are still way off the mark. It's ok though Maybe you are basing your assumptions on your own experiences.
Sadly you are missing actual
Sadly you are missing actual facts and are still way off the mark. It's ok though Maybe you are basing your assumptions on your own experiences.
Please tell me what the point
Please tell me what the point is that I'm missing.
If it is that you just wanted to vent about being able to hide out from your skid and I took it further... then yes, maybe this was just a little vent about how you regroup, and sorry I put some thoughts on three.
However.. if this is a vent where you want to be encouraged that your SS has real issues and that your SS should be completely held accountable at 7, then I don't agree, will never agree, and, I don't think I missed it.
As wives we hold our husbands accountable for a lot of things. Staying faithful, being good husbands, helping with the household bills, etc etc.
My question to you is are you holding the adults involved accountable enough? And when you say you do bring it up to your DH, and he shuts you down... then why is that okay? And the problem not with your DH?
As far as my own experiences... maybe you should READ MY blogs. I have a fairly successful steplife and have had to fight my husband on some points. So I am not just talking out my ass here. I believe in FIGHTING FOR WHAT'S RIGHT....
The ONLY reason I addressed this with you - honestly - is that the kid is 7. You are married to this guy. That means you have at least TEN years of feeling the way you are writing about in these blogs. 10 years is a long time. And I truly truly want to see you get help, see this skid get help because letting it go status quo does not spell a happy 10 years for you. Of course -that's based on what you write here, so maybe it is just the venting here and not the good stuff. And maybe that's the point I missed...
I've actually found that
I've actually found that retreating to the bedroom is pretty therapeutic. I get really grossed out watching SD stuff her face, and lounge around the house in her "gansta" attire. It is more enjoyable to me to just go to the bedroom, watch what I want on TV, or read a book in peace. And the TV in our bedroom is nicer than the one in our living room anyway
I agree w/Paul in Utah. The
I agree w/Paul in Utah. The bedroom can be quite therapeutic and I spend much of my time there. I've made it cozy and it also has the best tv. I also do it because it's the only space I can contro1 100%. SD is lazy, and DH likes clutter so the bedroom is my own sanctuary of cleanliness and reflects my style.
And finally, when I want to enjoy a glass of wine or two and chat on the phone w/my friends, I don't have to deal with nosey SD peeking in to see what I'm doing.