I am not technically a Step-mom yet, but my boyfriend (BD) and I have been dating for almost a year, and we have been talking about marriage a lot lately (so has our families!) I told him not to ask me until we had been dating at least a year, because I didn't want to rush into anything especially since there are kids involved. The funny thing is Him and I are prefect for each other and we always had a blast together, his kids adore me and his family says that I am the best thing to ever happen to them. They say that I am a better mother to them that their actual mother, which is all a matter of opinion. Our only issue is... his ex-wife. I would feel better about walking down the isle with him if I could figure her out at least to where I know what to expect but she is all over the place - i think she may be crazy.

The basics: He has 2 kids(SS3 and SS5) with his ex-wife (BM), she divorced him 2 years ago and is getting remarried in September to his former friend, whom she started dating 2 week after the divorce. So as You can imagine he doesn't really like her but talks to her for the sake of the kids.

BM does not like me and I know why she doesn't. It's not that I did anything wrong, I am just here. Basically she is going through all the stuff BD has already gone though but is not taking it as well as she expected him to when he was dealing with it. He wasn't supposed to find anyone else, he wasn't supposed to get over her, he is supposed to still need her, the kids aren't supposed to like me, I am not supposed to be better with her kids than she is, and she still wants control over BD's life. The kickers is even though she makes the boys call her man 'Super Dad' but she told SS5 that he wasn't to call me anything but my name 'because I am not a parent' So you get the picture there, it's the usual stuff. As she put on her Facebook - "Anyone can be a father" (but no one is supposed to 'replace' mom.)

I try to take that into consideration when dealing with her, but I still can't explain the things that she does. Keep in mind it has been a year and I will try to keep it short, here are the cliff notes that only cover what pertains to me and my relationship with BD:

the beginning - BD and I met in May, our parents are friends and that is how we met. I met the kids fairly soon after, in June and July we were hanging out, talking, going on a few dates, with and without the kids. In July BM called BD on HIS birthday and asked him to watch the kids for her so she could go out, he said no because he had plans and at the time i was living an hour away (he was already there). She flipped and pulled the "well if you don't want them then just give me full custody" argument. BD explained that he DID want them but he already had plans, he had a date. To which she said "Oh well you could have told me that and then hung up." (you'll notice she gets weird and short like that when my name comes up)

In August, I was at BD's house for dinner when BM called. She asked if he was alone and he said yes, since he didn't have the kids, she really didn't need to know that I was there. (For the record BM has a very loud voice which can be heard over the phone by any one in the room, if she is yelling it can be heard all over the house) She proceeded to ask him why he was dating me! Since I was nothing like her (according to info that he must have gotten from SS5) so either I was not his type or their marriage was a sham, he just said that he was trying something new since it didn't end so well for him the last time. She odd conversation continued (even though he tried to end it) until he said. "I have to go I am making dinner for (my name) she'll be here soon." BM couldn't hang up fast enough.

In September, I moved in (sounds bad put there was a good reason and BM even suggested I move in) BD was sick of dealing with BM and needed help with the kids (they were also between daycare providers - long story). I was laid off at the time and agreed to help out until I found a job. BM didn't think I could find my way around I guess, so the first day she rode with me to drop SS5 off at school. The whole way she talked my ear off about how lucky BD was to have me and to find some one good with kids.. ect. I literally couldn't get a word in.

October and early November were okay, there wasn't anything major. I was being nice to BM becuase as I told BD, she hadn't done anything to me (yet). I sent her updates on the kids, scanned in stuff from school and sent her pictures that I had taken, ect. Which by they way she never did for me or BD. She invited us out for a few double dates - which we always declined (that would just be weird and she always wanted to do it on BD's weekend to have the kids. He wanted to spend time with the kids not BM.)

Late November and December. SS3 started Pre-School (finally), his first week was BD's week so I took him to school with no issues. On her week SS3 screamed and cried (he has mommy attachment issues) and the teacher said (my name) didn't have a problem with him. BM called BD crying and upset about it, like he can do anything about it. She is the one that creates the mommy issues. She called him again later - upset again - because I apparently called her "a failure as a mother" on my Facebook. BD told her he didn't know what she was talking about (acted angry about it) and said he would look into it. She then told him NOT TO that she didn't want to start trouble. First of all she saw it on my Twitter which I forgot to make private (fixed now). Second that is not what I said. I made an unrelated comment about failure in general, which was mostly about work - maybe a little about her :). After talking it over with me BD was talking to guys at work about the drama and one guy said "Well you should see what BM says about her on her Facebook." Turns out She threatened me physically and emotionally when I Forgot SS5's lunch one day. Something about an evil plan to make me feel neglected. SO the next time BD saw BM he told her what I had said really said and then told her word for word what she had said about me, BM just stuttered and then blocked me the next day - so heart broken. It was clear that BM was just trying to break us up and I was ticked so I avoided her completely for about 2 weeks, I think she thought that we broke up because she was really nice to BD until she realized that I had not left.

In January she called BD about something and suddenly changed the topic to something about wanting to bury the hatchet because it was a new year. BD was like "yeah okay," so she repeated it like 4 times before hanging up. My mom told him that the only hatchet she wants to bury is one into my back. It was also this month that BD invited me to go to parent teacher conferences, since I get the boys ready in the AM i might have helpful info, but I was not planning on saying anything. Until the teacher brought up SS5's attention span, which BD brought up in the last parent teacher conference, but no one was interested. at that time Teacher asked some questions and no one was answering/commenting so I did. Later MB said that she was "blind sided by the attention thing" which again BD brought up in the LAST meeting. And she was upset that I was there, maybe I shouldn't have gone but then NO ONE would have had answers for the teacher.

In February, BD and I realized that spring break (which was the week before Easter) was his week so we asked BM if we could take the kids out of state to see my family. in Person she we nice about it. While there he also asked about a Doctor's appointment SS3 had in April, he wasn't sure when it was. We left and went out to dinner, BM txt him and said they needed to talk. She called later - again she is loud so I heard her go off on him right away about all the stuff that we were doing to her, trying to upset her. I got upset - this wasn't about her it was about the kids and I was drunk so I told her to come on over so I could kick her (blank). She yelled at him for having her on speaker phone, I told her she wasn't on speaker phone she was just that loud. I finally calmed down and BD when in the other room, I could still here her. She said that we are trying to take her kids on Easter so that she couldn't see them - it was the weekend BEFORE Easter we wanted to take them. Then she said that we couldn't take them out of state with out a note from her - whatever (she called like 2 weeks later and said she was taking them out of state and BD said don't you need a note? She stuttered and HE looked it up in their divorce then told her that they didn't need a note, you just have to give them 2 week notice and tell them where you are going). The last issues she has... she said that I was making medical decisions for HER kids! And that I was NOT going to that doctor's appointment, which I never said that I was going. BD tried to straighten her out as best he could, the next day she txt to say that she was going to a lawyer, apparently to get a restraining order to keep me out of doctor offices. (Drama Queen, but I don't think she got in to see a lawyer that quickly and I never got served) Then added that she doesn't know me or if I am good for the kids. She invited us out for pizza as a 'family'. And the info she does have she gets from SS5 so as you can imagine it's not always correct - this time when she called I played computer games for a living, before that it was that we were moving out of state, and before that I was going to have a baby. she also (thinks) she knows exactly when we started dating, she thinks it was August. She wants to know where I work and what I do. It's just stuff like that , stuff that doesn't matter and apparently the two things about me that bother her the most (because she keeps bringing them up) are that I like computers/games and I have Cats.

In March, After want happened in February I told BD that I was done being nice to her. I told him that I can't talk to her because everything I say or do gets used against me and I added that I didn't want to see her because I just want to smack the stupid right out of her. So I no longer went in when he dropped the kids off at her house and I went in the basement to work out when she drops them off at his house. (which is funny because the first thing BOTH kids ask for me when they come in the door., and ignore her when she tells them bye) Again I think she thought that we broke up, until she came out on the steps at her house and saw me give the kids hugs and get back in the car. Didn't even look at her. No more emails, deleted her from my cell, ect. The creepy part - she txt me mid-month and told me. That the roads were supposed to be bad and that I should think about working from home the next day. I didn't respond - didn't even know who it was until i asked BD. So I thought it was over until I got home, BD asked me if she txt me again, I said no. I guess she called him and demanded that he come and get me from work, because the roads where bad. For the record they were not that bad and I would have told BD not to come get me. He told her no and she kept at it, and then he tried to give her reason why it was not a good idea. She offered to drive me back to my car, and he said No! - yeah her and i in a closed space alone, not a good idea. he finally hung up on her. What I don't get is I have not seen her in like a month, I have not been friendly toward her, not really hostile either but still. WHY would she even think to txt me?

April - nothing yet but she is due for a blow up, just waiting for it. As for the doctor's appointment that I was not planning on going to, it's in a big city (we live in small town) a few hours away. She called BD to see if he wanted to do what they did last year - went down the night before and SHARED a hotel room (over my dead body). BD said no, the appointment is early but not that early WE are driving down the day of. Yes I am going but not to the doctor's office, the kids have birthdays coming up and I need to do some shopping, plus Santa sent gifts cards to stores we don't have so I need to use them. And I am going to prove a point, Him and I are together, there is nothing she can do about that. I may not be able to go every where with him but I have the right to be near by for moral support.

What I can't figure out - she does all this stuff and then still thinks that I want to be her friend and that BD is her friend. I think she thinks that everyone likes her. BD says that she hates to be hated which she better get used to if she keeps this up, I am not a fan so far. She keeps trying to break us up and get in the middle. I told BD that I think, she thinks that she is more important to him than I am because she is the mother of his kids. She thinks that he is always going to take her side, but he hasn't yet. I also think that she thinks I am avoiding her because I am afraid of her, more like I am afraid of what I will do to her if I see her. I just want her to leave me alone and stay out of my relationship - as in stop trying to start fights. Also if you didn't notice she never fights in person, always over the phone or txt. When we are there she is agreeable and nice (even if it is fake). And she doesn't fight with me - only about me to BD. I told him, BM and I will never fight or it will be short, because I believe if you can't say something to someones face then you shouldn't say it. I can ignore/block phone calls, emails and txt. If she wants to say something to me and be sure I got it, it has to be face to face.

I would feel better about walking down the isle if I knew I could get it through her head that I don't like her or want to be her friend and that she has no control over my relationship with BD, so stop trying to break us up. And I wish she would understand that BD doesn't love her any more, he loves me. But I am not sure how to make to more clear to her than it already is. Suggestions?

I am trying to get BD to be more proactive, he hates somethings that BM does and I told him that he needs to say something to her. He says it doesn't do any good but in time it might show her that he DOESN'T agree with her. And When she goes off on him he needs to tell her to back off or to hang up on her - she does it all the time to him when he says something that he doesn't like. He does get credit for calling BM out when she lies to him and she lies to him a lot! I think she thinks that he is stupid.

In a way she has gotten her way. I told BD that I didn't want to see her so I won't be going to anything that allows me to see /talk to her, I can ignore her in large groups There is so much more to this story but this is already long enough, I will have to break it up and share in pieces. thanks for letting me vent you guys!