Since you can't go to anything, why are you going at all? Do you plan to spend time with your H before the move and after the graduation?

I'm really sorry that has happened to you. Its crappy to be purposefully left out and then the person you love and share a life with isn't sticking up for you.

I imagine I would have a real hard time showing up at all since everyone knows that you are being left somewhere while they are out. I guess that doesn't help make you feel better. I really empathize with the feeling you are having though.

Hon, why are you going all that way just to sit in a hotel by yourself? And then to be dropped off somewhere while the others go about their day?

What on earth?

FWIW, my SD25 hates my guts, so I do understand that part. I guess I don't understand why you are going out of your way just to be left alone. Are you and your fiance planning something for the evenings you are there?

I'm with everyone else. Why are you going at all ? Why should you be left in a hotel room waiting for him?? let him make the trip on his own. Moving day???? so you can't go to her new appt... big deal. I'm sure you have better things to do than help her move. You can't make someone want you, need you or love you. At least she's up front and say's she doesn't want you there...... : ) guessing game is done. Just say.. "OK." and move on.

And as to if this will go on for the rest of your lives???? it will go on as long as she gets a rise out of you....and as long as he continues to let it happen. OR.... it could stop as soon as she gets busy living her life, gets a man in her life, and has kids of her own.

Aw hon you should skip the whole thing and take yourself for a massage or something instead. That all really stinks and I don't think you should have to sit around waiting while she shuns you from her life.

Plan a girls weekend while your fiance is away. There's no way I would give her the pleasure of knowing I was sitting in a hotel room alone while the "important" people take part in her big day. I don't think you should try to have him force her to invite you. Who wants to be at an event where everyone knows you are only there because daddy made her invite you?

Sooo...is SD nice when she wants something??? Betcha she more than likely is. If she decides she needs "help" in the future make it clear to DH that she is not allowed anywhere near you. They wanna exclude you? Fine! Then she's excluded from being in YOUR house and getting help.

There is no way I would go. In fact, I would be HIGHLY pisses my my DH helped her move, but I wasn't "allowed" at her apartment. I would DARE him to go help her. Graduation is one thing, maybe-but anything else, no way. He is helping her treat you this way by participating.

You bet you there is something wrong with this adult. She is a spoiled, toxic, entitled bitch enabled by none other than dear old dad. She is used to getting her way with dad and she runs all over his boundaries and he thinks it’s cute—translated, my daughter loves me. She clearly doesn’t “love” him or she wouldn’t be demanding that he leave you hidden away, a dirty little secret, in a hotel or a scuzzy restaurant.

More importantly though is your fiancé is not showing much respect toward you. He has made it very clear that if his greedy, rude, petulant princess doesn’t want you around then you won’t be around. Her wish is his command. It won’t ever stop until he stops it.

You need to ask your fiancé how many other events will you be invited not to attend because princess says so –Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, Weddings, family gatherings. There will be plenty. And there will also be plenty of other opportunities where she will deliberately spoil your peace of mind, just because she is a princess and her demands come first don’t you know? If you can comfortably live with the idea ie: no resentment that it will be demanded of you to stay away from these events and have your marriage vows cast aside at the whim of a contemptuous princess; marry the guy. If you can’t live with it, leave him now!

He will try to give you all kinds of excuses of how it will be different when you are married—and it will be. It will be worse! She won’t stop with her commands that you be excluded, even when she herself is married and wouldn’t dream of excluding her mate, until daddy tells her to cut it out. Has he got the backbone to do that ever?

Does he even know that this is not love from his daughter, but control and manipulation and that she undoubtedly laughs with all of her little friends about how she has him wrapped around her finger and how easy it will be to get rid of you too? Believe me, when dads are this stupidly blind to what their calculating daughters are actually doing, you have a tough row to hoe. He has to wake up. Will he? Or, maybe he likes it this way.

I haven't read the replies but there is NO way I'd be going and if my man didn't step up for me I'd be gone too! Of course this is how I feel. I can tell you that I know with out a doubt my dh would be harsh on his kid if they ever said I wasn't allowed to be there. He would tell them that if I'm not invited then he is not invited and it is on them not him.

Purplehaze, it's time to change those plans. Tell your fiance ASAP that you've changed your mind and you're not going. Back out now before you end up sitting alone in a hotel. . miserable . .waiting for the festivities and move to be over. Why would you tolerate such behavior? I've never seen such rude disrespect and exclusion in my entire life.

And while SD may be a manipulative, rude, insensitive little twit, the bigger isssue here is that your fiance allowed this. HE needs to put his foot down and set his princess straight or it will not only continue, but get worse. He should have clearly told her if you were not invited, he would not be able to attend. . period. And as far as the comment "it's her day" that's just an excuse. It's going to be her day no matter who attends, she's the one graduating.

Finally, Stepaside's comment below is truly wisdom at it's best.
"Most of the time, they wind up losing their fathers in the process of hating his wife. Way to cut off one's nose to spite their face."

Last weekend I attended a function w/DH and SD showed up. She sat down at our table and DH basically ignored her. SD is now realizing her attempts to hurt me, have caused dear old dad to see her in a negative light. And they are not as close as they once were. She's also underestimated my influence and control over DH. So now she's on her best behavior because she doesn't want to lose daddy. She's finally wising up and realizes that she cannot win, and he will not chose her over me.

It's time for you to have a long talk with your fiance. She might be his princess, but you are his queen!

I didn't read all the replies but I would be losing it if I were you. I am assuming you and bio dad have been dating awhile, this is not something that just started up? I REALLY feel your bf needs to talk to his daughter. What she is doing is blantant non-acceptance of you and since this is "her" day she is using it to control. The more she is allowed to do this the more she will continue to try and make your life miserable.

If you and bf are a unit, solid couple with plans for the future, and this girl has been a part of your life you better figure now how to deal with her as she is going to continue to mow you over just like she is doing right now.

I have been in a stepmom role for 22 years and I can tell you from my own experience that the parents are the key to this girl's acceptance of you. Your husband has to take the initiative and help his daughter (and ex, if need-be) realize that you shoudl all be working as a team, working together rather than rifting the family apart.
If he cannot do this you are going to have to hold your own ground but I can almost guarentee you that you will b e the one coming out looking bad and you are going to go thru alot of emotional distress. This has to be stopped now or forever hold your peace!

After reading all the previous posts, I wish I could hand you something positive regarding the outcome of your relationship given the current dynamics - I can't. There is a reason for the high divorce rate of 2nd + marriages.

Many of us have gone through what you are describing, some worse, some not so bad, but at the core lies the same factor - the bio parent you are in the relationship with.
Men dealing with skid BS are more likely to walk away, but there are some out there who have the 'balls' to take a stand and make it work (Rags comes to mind) and kudos to them.
Women are usually fixers. The nurturers who want to take a nasty or hurtful situation (or people) and make it better for everyone. We continually will bang our heads against the wall and take the blame for things not changing. When you put it that way it sounds crazy, and maybe it is, but we do it anyways.

As many others have said - things will not change with your future SD until her father steps up and forces the issue. Right now your fiance can have his cake and eat it too because you are so understanding of his little precious and her need to control him.

Think about this for just one minute - what would happen between you and your fiance if you said NO! No I won't tolerate her lack of respect, NO I won't be left at a hotel while you play family with someone else, NO I won't sit in a restaurant alone while you and your family move the little precious to Mommy's house.

This is your wake up call - if you are comfortable with being treated this way, more power to you, but I highly doubt you are happy with it. Bad behaviour doesn't just magically vanish, it generally gets worse, the person who is feeling the wrathe (step parent) is the one who can end up with low self esteem issues and depression, as well as other mental health issues, drug and alcohol dependancy, physical illness, the list goes on and on, I think you get the hint.

We can't make you look a the whole picture, only you can do that, but remember, many of us have been there, and when asked if we would do it again knowing what we know today, most said there would be no way.

Wow...it's almost like a "control" thing on both the SD's and Fiance's part. She's in control by NOT inviting you to anything...and who really cares anyway?! Stay home and have a girl's day. Or, just stay home and read a book, clean the house, hang with the girls, or do whatever makes YOU happy. She's controlling Daddy by saying he can come, but YOU can't.

Fiance is controlling you by "inviting you, but not inviting you" along. When we look at this from the outside looking in, he's saying, "please come with me, and WAIT for me, while I tend to my family. When I'm done with them, I'll spend time with you". Kind of lets you know where you are in the pecking order of the relationship. I DON'T think so!

Before you marry this man, you seriously need to think about the next 5, 10, 15 years of your life. What happens when she marries, or grandkids come along? Will he be at family functions without you? What about holidays? (personally, I'd much rather NOT go to functions for the skids, but that's just me and it's MY choice)

Better think this through.....

Don't go. Plan a spa day. Tell DH you'll see him when he gets back in a couple days. Send a card that says "So sorry I couldn't make it but I've had this planned for 6 months and didn't know this would be your grad weekend. Congratulations on your achievement. SM" That way YOU CHOSE not to attend, the little bitch didn't TELL YOU where you're allowed. It'll really steam her that she didn't get to boss you. And, DH can go sit in that hotel alone like he expected you to overnight until he goes to help the little bitch move to mommas house. And he'll have to do it all without you around the corner waiting for him.

Personally,I would say save yourself years and years of grief,ditch him and the brat.

Honestly, I disagree with not going. Not going makes you invisible, it will make it okay for your husband to keep you behind over and over and see his children on his own.

Wow. What a heinous b*tch.

Sounds like she already has her heels dug in. She WANTS to hurt you and it gives her the ultimate satisfaction knowing that you are sitting back miserable and lonely while she's out having a grand ol time. It makes her gleam and giggle KNOWING she can dig into you and cause you emotional pain that you have done nothing to deserve.

Serve it back to the little b*tch. Say, 'I will not be attending as I have better things to do with my time.'

At this point I'd be making direct subtle digs to bust her overflated little ego a gaping new hole. "Honey, aren't you a little chunky for that swimsuit?" "I don't think you have the body type for that dress" (What kind of grades did she get in university BTW???) At 22 yr old, she's grown out of the 'poor child from a broken home' BS. She isn't a toddler, and she's old enough to know how to treat PEOPLE with respect.

This is a great opportunity for your fiance to lay out his expectation that regardless of his daughter's feelings toward you, she is to respect you as his partner. She needs to know that he will not allow her to shut you out of things he participates in. If you had other things going on & couldn't attend that would be fine, but he shouldn't support her in purposely excluding you.

She will not be sitting with her dad through the graduation. She will be sitting with her class. Your presence should have no effect on her. Unless he's planning to sit next to his ex (no reason for them to need to sit together) there shouldn't be an opportunity for her to be rude to you. If the two of you come in contact & she is rude, it is his obligation to speak up & let his expecations be known. There's absolutely no reason you should not be able to attend as his fiance.

If he lets this go, it will happen again...& again...& again. In my opinion, he's allowing & supporting her in shutting you out.

How rude to expect you to accompany him in travel to sit in a hotel room just waiting for him to finish his business.